Page 17 | To be a SAHM/Housewife with children at school?

Pinkbutton85 · 2019-05-29T07:32:44+00:00

I've been a SAHM for the last 6 years. My youngest will be starting school in September and I'm unsure of what to do next. Financially, I don't need to work at present. Would you still be a SAHM if you didn't 'have' to be?

EssentialHummus · 29/05/2019 14:51

Different things work for different families. I SAH with toddler DD. I work around her (2ish hours a day of freelancing in my field). Prior to having her I had a high-paying job and bought two rental properties. DH works conventionally in a high-paying job. My aim for now is to work enough to keep my hand in, so that eventually when DD and any siblings are off at school I can pick up more work. I do feel it’s helpful to have one parent working part time or less to do all the childcare and related during the week, but tbh there are many ways to slice the pie and in a lot of cases both parents need to be out there earning.

Dontbeadickkkkk · 29/05/2019 14:51

I’m not going to lie. I just don’t get it. I couldn’t be proud of nice things I owned or holidays I’ve been on or anything I had if I knew it had all been paid for by someone else. I realise that’s my own issue.

AlaskanOilBaron · 29/05/2019 14:52

Only if you're a capitalist feminist, and a rather narrow minded, specific model of work focused one at that.

Yes, the real feminists are Marxist.

Vulpine · 29/05/2019 14:53

I loved being sahm mum. Never got bored. It's ace having loads of time to yourself, but that might be because I had a low IQ. Thankfully my iq has gone back up again now that I'm working

mashpotato10 · 29/05/2019 14:54

I am to a 5 year old. I'm there at the school gate every day and all the school plays as well as the being the childcare during holidays! I'm so lucky and I feel I am not missing a second of my child's childhood.

mbosnz · 29/05/2019 14:57

I couldn’t be proud of nice things I owned or holidays I’ve been on

Fair enough.

However 'we are proud of nice things we own, and holidays we've been on.'

Maybe that's the difference? We see ourselves as a unit. So he provides the financial input, I provide the non-financial that enables our lives to run very smoothly. We are both putting into the family pot, albeit in our different ways. I'm fortunate that DH values the worth and validity of my contribution, (even though it is accorded far less status and respect by many in society, both male and female), as I value the worth and validity of his.

dreichuplands · 29/05/2019 14:57

I am currently a trailing spouse and not working. Dc are in primary school. Everyone else prefers me not working. I am rather bored even with volunteering and a bit lonely at times. I am looking to work or study soon, I've done my house based stint.
Although it does make for a very smooth running house and family life.

formerbabe · 29/05/2019 14:58

Sometimes being a sahm is boring but you know what, so was sitting on reception and typing and filing!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 29/05/2019 15:01

I'd not want a spouse who wouldn't work or contribute financially yet expected me to to pay for that choice and keep them. I'd not see that a being part of a team whatsoever but as opting out of responsibilities.

mbosnz · 29/05/2019 15:01

I am currently a trailing spouse and not working. Dc are in primary school. Everyone else prefers me not working. I am rather bored even with volunteering and a bit lonely at times. I am looking to work or study soon, I've done my house based stint.
Although it does make for a very smooth running house and family life.

You and me both sister! Although I think they're getting ready for me to go working, and my dc's are teens.

KoalasAteMyHomework · 29/05/2019 15:03

@ReturnofSaturn I wasn't commenting on any specific post as such. I just see these threads always go the same way. People understandably get defensive about the decisions they have made (or the situation they are in that they might not necessarily have ideally chosen) but it doesn't end up answering the original question the thread was posted about.

I think it's great people can offer different views and experiences - I've been a part time worker and am now a SAHP - but I get a bit fed up of certain stereotypes being rolled out or assumptions made that are completely inaccurate.

DwangelaForever · 29/05/2019 15:04

I would study if possible! Or do a part time job somewhere you love for some extra cash!

EssentialHummus · 29/05/2019 15:05

ice and that’s fine. But in our case (and others’ I guess) that’s a decision we have made together. DH loves his job - he works at the company of his dreams doing something that really excites him. I’m, frankly, happier not commuting and trying to juggle work stuff with DC stuff. Very different from one person declaring that they’re heretofore staying at home so the other person better crack on and work.

Qasd · 29/05/2019 15:06

I think something to point out here is there is in our area nowhere near enough capacity in wrap around care if both parents working with school aged children is really what we as a society think “should” be happening.

Yes we have an after school club at the school but it only provides enough places for 7 percent of children at the school. there are some child minders in the area and some parents may be able to work school hours but it’s safe to say the infrastructure is not there for 100 percent of the children to have two working parents. I work part time myself. However in both my children’s classes there are a fair few parents in their class with a stay at home parent.

Quite frankly we would need some fundamental changes to society, greater acceptance of short day working from employers or some serious incentives to attract radically more capacity into the wrap around childcare market for us to move away from the stay at home parent model being if not the norm at least pretty common.

Obviously that is only one area, but it’s a pattern I suspect is repeated across the country.

mbosnz · 29/05/2019 15:07

I'd not want a spouse who wouldn't work or contribute financially yet expected me to to pay for that choice and keep them. I'd not see that a being part of a team whatsoever but as opting out of responsibilities.

Um, I was working and contributing financially. However, in order to facilitate DH's career trajectory, I had to leave that job (and country) - so yes, at this point the expectation is that he pays for us both having made that choice and keeps us - particularly as I bed our family into this country and community. I haven't 'opted out' of responsibilities - I am responsible for different aspects of the family work and life. (And of course, will go back to work when we are all well and truly settled).

Non-financial contributions to the family pot do count, and have worth. Well, to some people. Perhaps not to you. But to DH and I, they do.

KoalasAteMyHomework · 29/05/2019 15:10

I'm with you on your last point mbosnz
DH wouldn't be able to earn what he earns if I wasn't at home taking care of the childcare, house etc. He appreciates my contribution as much as I appreciate his and we both like the fact that our son spends time with me instead of me earning and my salary essentially going to a childminder. I'm not saying our way is the right or only way, but we made the decisions as a team and therefore I never see the things we have as his because "he paid for them"

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 29/05/2019 15:10

JacquesHammer

I never said that others shouldn’t prefer not juggling

It’s the posters that are saying well I have this this and that to do

So do working parents/single working parents

Things get done by most of us

I know far too many women who witter on about having so much to do but seem to spend more time wittering on about it than doing it - that old saying if you want a job done ask a busy person comes to mind

KoalasAteMyHomework · 29/05/2019 15:11

I take too long to type. You've posted again twice since I wrote that mbosnz lol

mbosnz · 29/05/2019 15:12

Erm - we all seem to have spent quite a bit of time wittering on this thread today, haven't we:

RussianSpamBot · 29/05/2019 15:16

Very true re wraparound care qasd. There have been loads of threads on here about it, and I think it can be difficult for those living in areas with more choices to understand exactly what impact this has when there's literally nothing available. It was a shock to me to find out from posters here that in some places it literally wasn't even a question of throwing money at it, there was nobody to throw the money at. I had no idea.

JacquesHammer · 29/05/2019 15:17

I never said that others shouldn’t prefer not juggling

It’s the posters that are saying well I have this this and that to do

I know, I was just musing really. Especially when it’s dressed up with words like “cope”, and “manage” etc, I was just exploring around the language really.

Polarbearflavour · 29/05/2019 15:20

Another trailing spouse here! Not working at the moment and we are going on foreign posting soon. No children yet so I’ll be a housewife. I’m rather looking forward to it...

notso · 29/05/2019 15:27

I'd not want a spouse who wouldn't work or contribute financially yet expected me to to pay for that choice and keep them. I'd not see that a being part of a team whatsoever but as opting out of responsibilities.

Neither would I, I also wouldn't want a spouse who announced they were taking a promotion that meant they'd have to be away from home 4-6 nights a week and I'd just have to buck up and pick up the slack.
So I married someone who values more about me than my financial contribution and who treats me as a partner. We are a team and we decide together what works best for us.

Hollowvictory · 29/05/2019 15:28

there are lots of people who didn't have much of a career or earn much so probably feel its pointless to return to work.

HappydaysArehere · 29/05/2019 15:28

It’s fine if you use your time in a fulfilling and valuable way. What about training for a new career. If you haven’t got qualifications that are necessary then try to get them. That’s what I did once the youngest went to school. I got them initially through a correspondence course and then continued on. As it turned out I was ready to earn just as our financial situation took a bad turn. I also got a lot of satisfaction from having achieved something.