To not know what to do with the information that DP is probably aspergers

[Stripyseagulls]

DP scored very highly on the AQ test- I don’t know why I never saw it before as I have suspected it but then dismissed it. He scored 37 which is pretty much within aspergers diagnosis. It’s always been a joke that he is very antisocial for example but he also had no empathy. I think he’s entirely not right as a partner for me but we have 2 kids and have been together 19 years. I feel loyalty to him but know in my heart that we aren’t compatible and always have. It’s partly because of the kids I have stayed although I know that’s no reason- I come from a divorced family and it had such a big impact on me growing up that I didn’t want the same for my kids.
But now I don’t know what I want- the knowing has changed things for me in some ways - Aibu? I genuinely don’t know what to do next.

ArabellaDoreenFig could not have said it better.

There no such thing as giving yourself informal diagnosis.

Recognising you own communication style, what makes you comfortable, what doesnt make you comfortable etc is something we all should be aware of.

I am NT. I know I communicate differently to dp. And vice versa. We have both had to adapt a bit. If

The problem with giving every man who is a bit shit an 'informal diagnosis' is that in a lot of cases the man is just a shit.

You see it on mn all the time. Someone displays poor behaviour and you get 'could he be autistic'.

Shit behaviour been explained away by informally labelling it autism. Its wrong. Those of who have kids or relatives or friends who are diagnosed, get pissed off. Because its giving our kids, family members etc a label of 'they are autistic probably a bit shitty'. You are taking a disability and using it as a reason, some people may be crap at communicating. There can be loads of reasons, people dont communicate.

Adapting your communication style within a relationship is normal. It's not a sign of autism.

Some NT may benefit from communication styles that suit some people with autism. But, like NT people, people with autism are different. No one communication style works for them all. Using a communication style that you have read, is useful for people with autism, doesnt mean you have autism.

I would love to find out what other disability, people insist on giving themseleves through their own diagnosis?

Actually, ArabellaDoreenFig says it far more eloquently that I have.

It takes months of therapy or psychiatry to get an accurate diagnosis of a mental health issue.
I know what I have but if I did online tests I'm sure I'd convince myself I had at least 3 more conditions!

It takes months of therapy or psychiatry to get an accurate diagnosis of a mental health issue.
I know what I have but if I did online tests I'm sure I'd convince myself I had at least 3 more conditions!

I get the point you're making but Aspergers isn't a mental health issue, it's a developmental disorder.

Sorry Jan - thanks for putting me right.

I just can't bear self diagnosis or diagnosing other people in order to excuse poor behaviour!

*Sorry Jan - thanks for putting me right.

I just can't bear self diagnosis or diagnosing other people in order to excuse poor behaviour!*

Yeah I know, it's the worst. The internet has a lot to answer for in that regard. If I had a pound for every self identfying Aspie I've come across online I'd be very rich.
Ironic thing is the AQ test actually says words to the effect that it's not the equivalent of an autism diagnosis. Doesn't stop people from posting their test results online and announcing they're autistic though

I score 42 on that test but have never pursued a diagnosis. DH knows my quirks (and will points out privately and with gentle amusement when I completely fail the normal rules of social engagement).

Isn't this the problem? We all have our quirks of personality, they don't necessarily need a diagnosis or a label.

Ok, so it's a screening tool.

In People scoring below 26, autism can effectively be ruled out.
Mathematicians, engineers, computer scientists tend to score ~22.
The average score ~16.

80% of People with autism diagnosis score 32 or more, as opposed to 2% of the control group.

32 or more indicates "clinically significant levels of autistic traits".

Those of us scoring in the 40s are highly likely to have ASD, surely? Certainly a very significant level of autistic traits.

I just took the test and scored 38.

I am an introvert with severe anxiety and some slight learning difficulties. I definitely do not have aspergers.

It’s a really interesting distinction. As I mentioned before I score 42, and also have a range of sensory issues that have been present since early childhood. Some of this is my personality, some might be because I’m not NT. I’ve never pursued a diagnosis because I don’t feel it would improve my life, and would never categorize myself as “informally aspie” in any way - to do so would feel very wrong and as if I’m making light of it.

But partly because of this screening test if I do run into difficulties in the future and thought a diagnosis would help I might follow it up further.

I've primed my (Young adult) children to get DH help, should he ever need it. If something happened to me I'm not at all sure he'd cope, particularly after he retires.

Certainly a very significant level of autistic traits.

No some. Either way it still doesnt equal a diagnosis.

This thread is so offensive to those of us who have autism.

This thread is so offensive to those of us who have autism.

I agree.