He just sounds so utterly foul, couple that with the nasty, attacking, manipulating personality and I would seriously think you are genuinely better off without him.
He's already announced he won't be doing any night feeds/settling, hasn't looked at all interested in the pregnancy
delighting in offering me cigarettes so that he could start up again as I wouldn't be able to complain as I technically smoked
Now that's being thrown in my face as an excuse for him to smoke, being called an alcoholic etc
He's been vile since I have asked. Each time has been a drama where I basically get told to fuck off and stop nagging.
he's done absolutely nothing except continue to drink beer/smoke like a chimney/roll his eyes when im struggling.
Vile
Petty
Dismissive
Agressive
Stinks
Already says he won't help... and even if he did you'd be watching your baby breathe in fag fumes... CONSTANTLY. (No way on earth will he give up, but he WILL cause absolute hell over it in the days/weeks after the baby is born).
Two things to say:
I feel like this uninterested petty stranger is going to be at my birth even though he's done jack shit to support the pregnancy. - You don't hav to have him there. Think about that as a first step. If you don't want the birth to be an upsetting experience then this is about you, YOU are the important person as you go through the birth process and you need to feel supported and ok in order to get your baby here safely. I really don't want to go through another horrible labour experience like last time and then with someone stinking of cigarettes/coughing all over me. Oh vom. That is so disgusting I don't know where to start. Think about another birth partner and tell him why.
he stinks as he smokes so many. So If he enters a room it's overwhelmingly obvious - If he stinks so much that you can smell him coming into a room whether he's had a fag or not, then he is absolutely going to be a health risk to the baby. I do actually know of someone who suffered a SIDS tragedy, a friend of my cousin. Her H, now her ex-H, was like this re smoking. He was an abusive bully and a total twat who absolutely stank and made the bare minimum of effort with changing clothes etc and kicked up a huge fuss. I won't go into more detail but one thing my cousin says tortures the mother is that she blames herself for not being stronger in not letting him have the baby go to sleep on his faggy jumpers etc. - 'You can't keep me from my kid'. No point in nagging someone like that to change clothes constantly when they'll kick off though, and if they basically smoke constantly then what's the point?! It's literally seeping out of their pores.
If you think he'll be a nightmare stinking arsehole who will also start demanding not to be sidelined as well as not helping you then please separate now, before the baby is born. Maybe it would be the kick up the arse to make him see how much damage this is causing. But even if not, at least you'd have the birth and those first crucial months bonding with your baby in a non-stinking, safer more peaceful environment.
Oh and finally -
but i can guarantee he'd be the first to demand overnights and a 50/50 split if we weren't together - Yes. He'd be the first to demand. And the last to actually want. Someone who's already said they don't intend to help with feeds and won't give up smoking for their child? Haha. No, he won't want 50/50 - he will want to threaten 50/50 so that you don't leave and make his life harder. So if you get to that point, you simply say 'But of course. I have a life too, I might want to start a new relationship, I'll need to build a new career - of course you will be taking equal responsibility for proper, full-time care.' He'll backtrack faster than a speeding stinky fag-end.