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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

if your partner lied about who they voted for....

88 replies

yarnit · 28/05/2019 10:02

In this case, pretending they voted labour, but actually voted UKIP, WWYD? Would you be upset? Would you leg it slide as technically it's their choice? What if it goes against all you believe in?

Curious to know what you'd feel...

OP posts:
Original poster
yarnit · 28/05/2019 10:04

*let

OP posts:
RosemarysBush · 28/05/2019 10:04

Why did they feel that they had to lie? Would be my first thought.

kiki22 · 28/05/2019 10:04

Oft hard one it is up to them but UKIP would have me questioning if we are compatable

badlydrawnperson · 28/05/2019 10:04

Not sure how I’d know?

Passthecherrycoke · 28/05/2019 10:04

I’d also wonder why they felt they had to lie

Rubberduckies · 28/05/2019 10:04

I would be confused about why they had lied...we have differing views but know that before an election!

Laniakea · 28/05/2019 10:05

I’d wonder 1) why he told me, dh & I talk about politics frequently but I’ve never asked who he voted for & vice versa 2) why he felt the need to lie to me.

Lazypuppy · 28/05/2019 10:06

I'd worry that they felt they needed to lie to you, and they feel they can't be honest with you about politics. Are you very vocal in your beliefs?

fedup21 · 28/05/2019 10:06

Why did they feel that they had to lie? Would be my first thought.

Yep.

How would they find out that someone had lied about their choice in a secret ballot?

Tonightstheteriyakichicken · 28/05/2019 10:06

Tactical voting/lack of alternatives to main parties? How do you know they lied?

kalopali · 28/05/2019 10:06

Yes, if I found out DW had voted Labour and lied about it she’d be out the door faster than her legs could carry her.

NailsNeedDoing · 28/05/2019 10:06

I'd wonder what it was about my likley reaction that made them feel the need to lie.

If they had a reasonable explanation as to why they voted ukip, even if I disagreed, I'd respect their choice. If they came out with a load of racist bollocks as their reason for voting ukip then I wouldn't be with them in the first place.

newjobnerves · 28/05/2019 10:07

I'd question their intelligence as what kind of vote is UKIP?! If you believe in Brexit at least vote Brexit party!

Seriously though, I would a) reflect on why they felt they had to lie, are you quite judgemental? (Like my judgemental remark above lol) B) remember we all have a right to vote and for who we want to, and it's his business. Maybe say to him you'd rather he didn't tell you than lie.

Passmeabrew · 28/05/2019 10:07

I'm curious what others say about this as well. My husband didn't vote this time but I suspect he would have voted very differently for to me and as much as I respect someone's right to vote - his voting decisions the past few years have totally shocked me and I do look at him differently. To be honest, I do feel like I've lost some respect for him over it all, although I think that is down to his attitude about it all as well. We can't discuss anything political anymore at all.

IrmaFayLear · 28/05/2019 10:07

I might consider that they felt they had to lie because they are afraid of you.

I would be mad if dh voted various ways, but it would be a shame if we couldn't have a feisty discussion about it, rather than him pretending he voted "my" way for fear of my wrath.

Original poster
yarnit · 28/05/2019 10:07

@RosemarysBush most likely because I come from a family of immigrants, I'm first generation to be born in the UK.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 28/05/2019 10:08

How would you know?

BertrandRussell · 28/05/2019 10:08

I couldn’t be with someone who voted UKIP.

newjobnerves · 28/05/2019 10:08

@yarnit ah well yes that's why he lied, and I think I would challenge him tbh on his immigration views considering your background.

BertrandRussell · 28/05/2019 10:09

Dump. Sorry- but you have to.

FilthyforFirth · 28/05/2019 10:09

I wouldnt be happy at all. But I would never have married someone who had different values to me. DH and I dont vote the same party but we want the same thing ultimately. If that changed over the course of the marriage I would seriously be questioning it.

RosaWaiting · 28/05/2019 10:09

OP that might not be the reason

there are immigrant members of my family who voted for UKIP and Brexit.

I suppose it depends how it sits with you - sounds like the fact of the vote is a bigger problem for you than the lie?

FilthyforFirth · 28/05/2019 10:10

And yes, I could never be married to anyone who votes UKIP, esepcially with your background!

wildhairdontcare · 28/05/2019 10:12

Are you sure they did? It would seriously cloud my view of them.

Original poster
yarnit · 28/05/2019 10:12

For clarity (I didn't want to mention initially), I am not with this person anymore. We have a child together and I left him after our child was born. It's come out in the wash that he has some racist tendencies. The first sign of this was him voting UKIP (I know not all who vote UKIP are racist but on this occasion, I believe he was). I'm now having a slight meltdown. I as a black woman should have seen this before. How did I not spot it and why was he with me?

Desperately want to protect my son and feeling sad and confused.

OP posts:
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