if your partner lied about who they voted for....

[yarnit]

In this case, pretending they voted labour, but actually voted UKIP, WWYD? Would you be upset? Would you leg it slide as technically it's their choice? What if it goes against all you believe in?

Curious to know what you'd feel...

This would be a deal-breaker for me, the relationship would be finished. I'm not even discussing it.

And yes I know I'm being unreasonable.
But I refuse to share a bed with UKIP supporter - in my experience they are extremely racist.

I would lose all respect for them as a person.
It's one thing to vote the way you feel (but I couldn't be with a UKIP voter anyway), but to cover it up is deceitful and means they're trying to be someone they're not.

Couldn't do it.

If I was married to someone who voted leave or for Brexit party/UKIP/tommy Robinson I’d be really upset and like I didn’t know them at all. The fact they then compounded voting for fascists by lying about it would tend to suggest that they knew how I’d feel.

Not your business who your partner voted for, or anyone else for that matter, the ballot box should be secret.

You can't expect to control someone else's vote, that's undemocratic. My OH voted Leave, the only person I am aware of doing that, he got an awful tongue-lashing from some family and I defended him, even though we had voted differently.

To put it crudely, there is a type of racist white man who both despises BAME people and fetishizes BAME women

I wonder if that stems from the same roots that can make extreme homophobes out of homo-curious people (is it mainly men ?) ????

“Not your business who your partner voted for, or anyone else for that matter, the ballot box should be secret.”
It is her business, however, to consider the effect contact with a card carrying racist father will have on a mixed race child.

I think it is your business who your partner voted for if they tell you - and then it turns out they'd lied. Why did they lie? probably because they're ashamed (remember the "shy Tory" supporters?)

If you belong to a group that is being villified by the party your partner voted for then you definitely have cause to consider your position. And in the OPs case having her mixed-race son have overnight visitations with a UKIP voting father would deffo give me cause for concern.

I'm surprised at the number of people on here who would be perfectly happy living with a Tommy Robinson voter because, democracy. It's a really interesting outlook. I need to think about this some more.

The courts would laugh at me if I told them 'I'm concerned because he voted UKIP' - not much I can do is there? I'm such a fool.

The lying is the big problem - whether with them, you or the relationship. (They're not very good at it either, if you've found out - did they want you to find out? Why?)

For me, some political views would rule someone out completely as a partner or friend. Others could be in 'decent person but different approaches, discuss, explore, gain insight, agree to differ' category and be entirely compatible with partnership.

BertrandRussell nowhere does it suggest he has been racist to his child?
I voted leave, but I have never said or acted racist in my life, and have many mixed race friends.

“BertrandRussell nowhere does it suggest he has been racist to his child?”

He voted UKIP. He’s a racist.

I find all this sanctity of the secrecy of the ballot box stuff odd. Completely true of course but also completely irrelvant to a thread about relationships.

The character of my life partner is of enormous, legitimate interest to me.

It would depend, i dont care who DH votes for on the whole. That's up to him and we are both quite centre ground.

If he voted far right then we would have issues because for me that displays a level of intolerance that I would find quite uncomfortable on a values level.

It’s not just the father that’s the problem. Potentially his family feel the same so would you want your child around in-laws?

I only say this because I know a woman with a mixed raced kid who’s family were BNP members. This is not massively rare in WC communities where some BAME communities have been around for generations and they’ve integrated with the white English community. So some people can have black people in their families and be like ‘we like you/Jamaicans etc but hate Asians, Muslims and Africans (yes I know it makes no sense).

When her DD was round the in-laws house, they’d say the most racist stuff if minorities or foreigners appeared on tv. I’m no longer in touch but that kid must be so confused and full of self hatred by now.

You’re not to blame at all OP because as he didn’t target it at you or your family you didn’t see it but now you know you must ensure your son is protected. I’m not saying keep him away from his dad but be on guard and question your son after visits to see what’s going on.

I've just seen your update...It's not your fault so please do not blame yourself.

I've lost count of the number of men I've received lewd messages from, and sadly had first dates with that fetishize black women. They are very very good at lying and hiding their racist views.

I usually weed them out during first date by creating a conversation about my imaginary group of immigrant friends and their struggles to find employment/accomodation/access education. This works every single time LoL.

Try your best not to worry about your ex, you can only control the narrative between yourself and your son. Teach him how to be resilient, to embrace & be proud of all aspects of the two cultures that he is made up of and surround yourself with loving, like-minded people.

I know of 4 people who lie about who they vote for one is my dsis
All had said they voted remain when voted leave and also in last GE claimed to have voted labour and actually voted conservative

The reasoning is they don’t want to be seen as uneducated/racist and don’t want to get into debates/arguments also one said it’s difficult to not agree with your whole group of friends you just say what you think they want to hear

Right, just read your updates. Gather all the evidence you can. Write things down. Why wouldn't the court be interested in something that migth be detrimental to your child's wellbeing?

This exact situation happened to me: DP told me he voted for someone else, turns out he voted UKIP (I found out over a year later). We're still together because he was brainwashed by his family (he was late teens at the time).

My DH and I vote completely differently. I'd wonder why he felt the need to lie to me though.

Thanks everyone.

@lottiegarbanzo for all I know the judge will have voted UKIP too. It's not illegal however i have learnt through others that he has racist views. Again I'm sure the court would take this as hearsay.

I voted leave, but I have never said or acted racist in my life, and have many mixed race friends.

@Nesssie nobody is calling you a racist but this statement reeks of "The lady doth protest too much, methinks"

It's not the voting by itself that's the issue is it. It's the racism, which has a direct impact on your child, so all and any evidence of that you can gather. Good luck.

I agree @NurseButtercup a simple 'I am not racist' without the addition of 'I have mixed rave friends' would have sufficed.

Totally agree with those who say that a racist white man can be with a black womanly and still have racist views.
You can bet your bottom dollar that some BNP members have black partners.
It’s not necessarily about fetishising black women. Some of these racist are able to put things in compartment. They may hate immigrants but ‘love’ the black person because they see them as individuals rather than a colour.

He even shared a Britain First post on Facebook but I didn't screen shot it. This was after we split and he deleted me.