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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider sex on first date

103 replies

MaryMary88 · 27/05/2019 18:41

A very good friend of mine has told me that he’d like to ‘get to know me better’. I feel the same way and can’t believe my luck because I have had feelings for him for a while now. We kissed for the first time on Friday night and are going out on our first date on Thursday evening.

I really really like him. I want this one to work out. I know you should wait for at least 3 dates before having sex but does that rule still apply if he’s your best friend? I’m desperate to get my hands on him if I’m honest.

AIBU? WWYD? How can I make this last? I’m happy to wait for sex if it increases the odds of the relationship working.

OP posts:
Inliverpool1 · 27/05/2019 18:45

I think you increase the odds of it working out if you wait a couple of dates and are sure you both want the same thing

Kenworthington · 27/05/2019 18:47

Who knows. I shagged (now) dh on first date. We’ve been married 18 years, together 23

IsolaPribby · 27/05/2019 18:47

Don't overthink, go with the flow.

But I would add, that if he is the type of guy that would have sex on a first date, and then think badly of you for it, then he is not a keeper.

I'm not saying that you definitely should, just that it's ok if you do, if you want to.

Drogosnextwife · 27/05/2019 18:47

Since you've known him a while I don't see the problem.
I wouldn't sleep with someone on the first date if they were a stranger (well I don't think 😂) but he's not. Depends if he wants to aswell I suppose.

GinUnicorn · 27/05/2019 18:47

Personally I say screw the rules and just do what feels right.

mouldyhousemouldylife · 27/05/2019 18:48

There are no rules! If it's what you as two consenting adults want then go for it... You don't need someone here with a differing opinion to yours to tell you not to.

MrsHormonal2019 · 27/05/2019 18:48

My husband and I had sex 3rd time we met. Think we only went on one date.

Pppppppp1234 · 27/05/2019 18:49

My Hubbie and I had sex on the first date 🙈 (three times!!) here we are 10 years later....

SunshineCake · 27/05/2019 18:49

You could shag him straight away and it not last. Would you feel down if that happened?

Or you could wait a while. It either fizzles out or you last as you both want more.

I know it's not a scientific survey but I've just thought about the different length of times between meeting and having sex and not including my first two boyfriends, my dh was the longest I waited and I'm still married to him.

SchoolPanicTime · 27/05/2019 18:50

Will you feel more hurt if you sleep with him and it doesn't go beyond that? Or will you feel like you had a nice time anyway?

3boysandabump · 27/05/2019 18:50

Also married to my first date shag 😂

I wouldn't plan for either way just see how it goes on the night

stucknoue · 27/05/2019 18:51

There's no rules, most first dates are establishing who the person is and whether you like them, you have already established that! But see how it goes, it may seem right it may not

Lweji · 27/05/2019 18:52

Just as long as you're using protection. Grin

I don't think there are set rules. You already know him well, I couldn't see myself waiting long. I didn't

KM99 · 27/05/2019 18:52

you should wait for at least 3 dates before having sex

Says who? You wait until you both are really keen and consent to it. First date, fourth date, whatever.

Just relax and listen to your instinct. x

Rezie · 27/05/2019 18:53

The "rules" are bs. As long as it's consensual, you can have sex whenever you want to.

NameChangeNugget · 27/05/2019 18:54

The rules are all kinds of wrong.

Go with the flow

Original poster
MaryMary88 · 27/05/2019 18:57

I suppose this ‘rule’ thing that I have heard about is so that the guy thinks he’s had to work for it and earn you in some way. A bit like that analogy of diamonds losing their perceived value if there was a pile of them on your doorstep and you had to climb over them to get out of the house!

OP posts:
DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 27/05/2019 19:04

Well on Friday 13th August 1993, I went on a first date with a man who was previously a good friend. We had (a lot of) sex and have been together ever since and married for 25 years.
Don't if you feel wrong about it, but an adult not having sex purely because some arbitrary number of dates hasn't yet happened is bonkers.

Herocomplex · 27/05/2019 19:09

How lovely, it sounds really exciting! Enjoy the thrill of it all.

DollyPomPoms · 27/05/2019 19:09

I think it is different now. With social media and mobiles you get to know/talk to someone a lot more in between dates.

formerbabe · 27/05/2019 19:10

No need for silly rules...as long as you are both happy, do what you want. This whole three date nonsense (which I've heard about before) is a really old fashioned awful way for women to prove they're not easy. It's ridiculous

arethereanyleftatall · 27/05/2019 19:16

The odds are increased once you're ready to stop playing mind games.

Nearlythere1 · 27/05/2019 19:22

If he's really in to you, then doing it on the first date will make no difference. In fact, it'll only stoke the fire! So if he goes off you after, he probably would have anyway!

CreekyBeaky · 27/05/2019 19:23

DH and I were friends for a few months before as went on a date. Because we already knew each other well it felt 100% natural to go to bed on that first date. It’s 10 years later and we’re happily married. If it feels right you’ll know it.

Hilda40 · 27/05/2019 19:30

Who mentioned going to bed?