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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider sex on first date

103 replies

MaryMary88 · 27/05/2019 18:41

A very good friend of mine has told me that he’d like to ‘get to know me better’. I feel the same way and can’t believe my luck because I have had feelings for him for a while now. We kissed for the first time on Friday night and are going out on our first date on Thursday evening.

I really really like him. I want this one to work out. I know you should wait for at least 3 dates before having sex but does that rule still apply if he’s your best friend? I’m desperate to get my hands on him if I’m honest.

AIBU? WWYD? How can I make this last? I’m happy to wait for sex if it increases the odds of the relationship working.

OP posts:
chipsandgin · 27/05/2019 21:40

Well we’re nearly 20 years down the line here, we went on our first date a few days after the first shag (which was at the end of a drunken evening with mutual friends).

No regrets & I couldn’t care less what the ‘rules’ are - if he’s doing it too then he would have zero right to judge you! Go for it OP, have fun ;)

madeofstarlight · 27/05/2019 21:41

If it feels right then go for it! I shagged my boyfriend on the first date and he definitely didn't think me any less 'valuable' for it. Any man that thinks like that isn't worth being with.

Belenus · 27/05/2019 21:41

the head fuck that can be sex.

I could be wrong but I don't think it's his head she wants to fuck.

TatianaLarina · 27/05/2019 21:46

It’s different if you already know someone. But I would protect yourself if I were you, until you’re sure he feels the same.

If you fuck and he decides he against it, your feelings will be even more engaged, and it will be awkward.

YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine · 27/05/2019 21:48

I've had a few one night stands and sex on a first date where it has worked out but I've never had sex with someone on a first date when there was a pre-existing relationship/friendship. You already like him a lot but you don't know what his feelings are. If you have sex straight away and it turns out that he was just looking to hook up, will that hurt you? If not, great - shag away! However, if it will then it might be better to wait to see if you're on the same page emotionally first.

BeardedMum · 27/05/2019 21:50

I have never lived by that rule. If you want to have sex, have sex🥳

PurpleFlower1983 · 27/05/2019 21:52

I slept with my DH on the first date! It was good so I knew he was a keeper! Grin

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 27/05/2019 21:53

I have never lived arbitrary rules of good girl,the right time,or other social constructs imposed upon women that reinforce relationship stereotypes
When dating or single If I wanted to have sex I had sex
And I didn’t have to be dating the men I fucked

Pasithea · 27/05/2019 22:03

We never dated. 25 yrs together.

Original poster
MaryMary88 · 27/05/2019 22:41

I’ll try to go with the flow! He’s quite traditional and masculine. I’m a little old fashioned and feminine so perhaps we should wait if we can. I don’t want to miss out on the whole exciting build up to it. Also, as posters have suggested, how would I feel if we DTD and he ditched me? I’d be gutted. I guess I need to go slow and steady. Thanks everyone.
P.S. I do just want to pounce on him though! 😉

OP posts:
BlueSkiesLies · 27/05/2019 22:52

I wanted to shag DP before our first date at a party (has fancied him for ages) but he wouldn’t even kiss me because (he says now) I was too smashed.

Then on our next not actual date, I wanted to sleep with him but he was too smashed. We cuddled in bed.

Then we had an actual real first date and we totally had amazing sex.

It’s been 12 years so I guess me wanting to sleep with him didn’t do our longevity any harm.

dadshere · 27/05/2019 23:09

If you want sex, have sex. `if it feels right in the moment, then it is fine. You are ovethinking it, I have never heard of this 3 date rule.

HopeForNow · 27/05/2019 23:27

I knew my DP for years but we lived hours away from each other when we started “talking”. I made it 30 minutes until I slept with him the first time we met up (not even a date, literally just us meeting to see how we felt face to face) BlushGrin No regrets here, he’s the most respectful partner I’ve ever had

HollowTalk · 27/05/2019 23:47

I'd hold back a bit and enjoy the tension. Also, are you both at work on Friday? I would rather the first time was on a night when neither were having to rush the next morning.

Justaboy · 28/05/2019 09:07

P.S. I do just want to pounce on him though! 😉

Well what are you waiting for?, just says just do it!

If there are any woman around who want to pounce here then apply with a cover letter to;

Mr Just@Boy
57 Letsby Avenue
London
W1A 1AA

kaytee87 · 28/05/2019 09:11

@Justaboy 😂😂😂😂

jaseyraex · 28/05/2019 09:13

Meh, if you both want to have sex then just go for it! These "rules" around dating are ridiculous and don't apply to everyone.
I slept with now DH on our first works night out together, not even a date. 7 years later and we're happily married most of the time Grin

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 28/05/2019 09:23

Grin @Justaboy
I think you just go with the chemistry OP
Have a good time whatever you decide to do.

ForTheLoveOfDoughnuts · 28/05/2019 10:17

@MaryMary88 with my OH now for 4 years. Known each other for the last 10 years.

Started dating/spending more time together in the April and didn't have sex until June. Might seem odd to some but we were both conscious that we have a lot of mutual friends. And had a brilliant friendship at this point. We knew we had real potential of something special and lasting. So didn't rush things, physically.

Honestly he's my best friend and my everything. I wouldn't change a thing. And neither would he. But that's just our story.

ForTheLoveOfDoughnuts · 28/05/2019 10:18

@MaryMary88 with my OH now for 4 years. Known each other for the last 10 years.

Started dating/spending more time together in the April and didn't have sex until June. Might seem odd to some but we were both conscious that we have a lot of mutual friends. And had a brilliant friendship at this point. We knew we had real potential of something special and lasting. So didn't rush things, physically.

Honestly he's my best friend and my everything. I wouldn't change a thing. And neither would he. But that's just our story.

MaximusHeadroom · 28/05/2019 10:18

My DH of 11 years was a ONS as far as I was concerned at the time.

I don't think these things actually matter.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 28/05/2019 11:47

“They Guy has to work for it and feel like he has had to earn you”

Wow OP are you a prize piece of meat. Take control of your own sexual desire!! This outdated attitude is for people who believe sex is to simply please a man and when you finally give it up for him. If you fancy a shag have one. Do men apply these same rules and worry if they put out the woman may not call them back?

Justaboy · 28/05/2019 12:20

“They Guy has to work for it and feel like he has had to earn you”

Wasnt that supposed to mean once upon a time that he had to;

Win your love and affection?

That he was worthy of your love affrection??

formerbabe · 28/05/2019 14:16

They Guy has to work for it and feel like he has had to earn you

Hmm

This statement makes the huge assumption that women do not enjoy sex. It is purely something men want and women reluctantly give in.

It's all kinds of wrong.

HomeEdRocks18 · 28/05/2019 15:23

Go for it. I met my husband and we were in bed within 3 hrs. We've been together 19 yrs, married for 14yrs