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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider sex on first date

103 replies

MaryMary88 · 27/05/2019 18:41

A very good friend of mine has told me that he’d like to ‘get to know me better’. I feel the same way and can’t believe my luck because I have had feelings for him for a while now. We kissed for the first time on Friday night and are going out on our first date on Thursday evening.

I really really like him. I want this one to work out. I know you should wait for at least 3 dates before having sex but does that rule still apply if he’s your best friend? I’m desperate to get my hands on him if I’m honest.

AIBU? WWYD? How can I make this last? I’m happy to wait for sex if it increases the odds of the relationship working.

OP posts:
NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 27/05/2019 19:34

I know you should wait for at least 3 dates before having sex

Really? Where did you read that? On a motto from a Christmas cracker? There are no rules. You are two consenting adults. Enjoy Smile

TheGoalIsToStayOutOfTheHole · 27/05/2019 19:36

Have done it and if single would do again. Fuck the random 'rule' of 3 dates.

Chinks123 · 27/05/2019 19:39

7 years, and 2 children with the man I slept with on our first date. Do what feels right for you both.

AhhhHereItGoes · 27/05/2019 19:42

Do what feels right on the night.
Preempting what will happen takes the excitement out of it.
You'll decide if you feel it's right to take it further or not.
No universal rules.
Have fun Smile

SqueakyPigs · 27/05/2019 19:46

Hope it goes well either way, OP

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 27/05/2019 19:46

I always shag on the first 'real' date (this is only 3 people in 42 years so not as bad as it sounds!) - you're an adult; there's nothing wrong with sex; you probably know what you want anyway. Go for it - why not?

CilantroChili · 27/05/2019 19:46

Sometimes stringing out the sexual tension is a lot of fun
Going against the grain here to say no, don’t shag on the first date if you think he might be a keeper

Sarahlou63 · 27/05/2019 19:48

Will you still respect him in the morning?!?

aweedropofsancerre · 27/05/2019 19:49

Kenworthington same here and we have been together 20yrs....

When its right its right....OP only you will know

YetAnotherUser · 27/05/2019 19:50

As a general rule I think shagging on the first date is a bad idea, but it can work out... 2 out of my 3 longest relationships we had sex on the 1st date. The other one, it was the 2nd... Grin

The rest of my 1st date shags are better forgotten though Envy (not envy)

x2boys · 27/05/2019 19:53

I think it a man judges you for having sex with him"too soon" than he's not worth it anyway, anecdotally I slept with men in my single days who didn't want to know after , it didn't do a lot for my self esteem, having said that dh was a one night stand and we haven't really been apart since so who know ,s Confused

GiBlues · 27/05/2019 19:54

Yep same here, I took DH back to my place the night we met and we’ve been together ever since (16years now and married 11 years) do what feels right for you and sod “the rules”.

donajimena · 27/05/2019 20:02

You do realise that men know about the 3 date rule too? There are plenty who will wait until date 3, shag and run. I figured I'd sleep with my partner on the first date because if he decided I wasn't for him at least I'd have had a bit of fun!
I am aware that it works both ways, and yes, sometimes you sleep with someone and find out the chemistry is poor. Neither party is to blame if that happens.

Craftycorvid · 27/05/2019 20:09

Good grief, are there ‘rules’ still? I hoped the days of viewing sex as a commodity to be witheld in order to ‘keep him keen’ were long gone. The only rule for an adult should be ‘do I want this and does the other person?’

MrsSnafu · 27/05/2019 20:12

Very good point donajimena!

Confuse him by doubling it out and waiting for 6, if you not sure on the first date. Wink

Sabato · 27/05/2019 20:14

I really really like him. I want this one to work out. I know you should wait for at least 3 dates before having sex

This is just a made up rule, it doesn’t mean anything!

If you want to and he wants to then go for it. You don’t need to follow some arbitrary rule about what’s ‘proper’.

And if this bloke is the kind of man who would lose respect for you for having sex with him on the first date, better that you find out now and save yourself from wasting time on a misogynist!

LellyMcKelly · 27/05/2019 20:16

Living with my first date shag. Even if I’d never seen him again I wouldn’t have regretted because it was a PHENOMENAL shag. Still is 😁

Langrish · 27/05/2019 20:16

Personally I wouldn’t. We both knew it was absolutely right the first time we met but still waited some time and were both very glad we did.
Everyone’s different though of course. Only you can judge the situation.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2019 20:18

Shag him if you want to shag him

SimonJT · 27/05/2019 20:19

Sounds like a silly ‘rule’ to me, for some thre dates is too long, for others (me included) three dates is far too quick. Do what works for both of you, sod what anyone else thinks.

Tunnocks34 · 27/05/2019 20:21

Exactly the same situation I was in.

I did have sex on the first date, with my best friend of four years. We did everything ‘wrong’ to be honest, moved in together after 2 weeks, got pregnant after three months.

We’re married now, our third son due in August. Very happy and content.

motherofcats81 · 27/05/2019 20:23

if he is the type of guy that would have sex on a first date, and then think badly of you for it, then he is not a keeper.

This.

Yes, some guys would have wanted the chase and then disappear when it's over, but tbh if that's the case then you know that they are not keepers anyway. And were probably just in it for the sex anyway. Anyone who was genuinely interested and then loses interest because they had sex with you is a misogynist hypocrite. Basically just filters out the bad ones!

Go with the flow, see how you feel, the fact that he is someone you have known for a long time also changes things. But anyway most of my decent long term relationships have started with sex on the first night!

VaggieMight · 27/05/2019 20:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

Missymoo71 · 27/05/2019 20:29

I shagged my childhood friend on my first date, 30 years ago, marriage, 4 kids and 1 grandchild on the way. My happiest of happy ever after. Shag him if you want it, he wouldn't think twice about it, you know each other so go for it!!!! Enjoy your night 😉

PissOffPeppa · 27/05/2019 20:31

A bit like that analogy of diamonds losing their perceived value if there was a pile of them on your doorstep and you had to climb over them to get out of the house!

Any man who thinks this is a twat not worth your time anyway

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