Dance photos of children

[GrandmaSharkdodo]

I've had a violent reaction to a family members photos of her child and not sure if I'm just an old fuddy duddy. The girl is 13 and is a great dancer, competing at regional competitions. She's recently gone for some studio photos of her "dancing" and I think they are highly inappropriate and over sexualised. I know young teens often take risqué selfies as they want to look older, bit this was paid for and overseen by her mum. Obviously I can't and won't put the actual photos on here but this one is quite similar to one of them .. the photos are all over Instagram and are public. AIBU or is it a bit too much?

Yeah, I’m with you, OP.

I think what happens is that it gets totally normalised - you should see the skimpy outfits the teens train in at the studios - and then people/dance moms forget that actually no, outside of the dance studio it does take on a different look.

@pelirocco123
she gave them all a tissue and the song went on with them simulating wanking into the tissues

Wtaf??? That's so.sick!!

she's a teen, not a child. She wants to look attractive, not like a child

She's thirteen, I'd still call that a child. Legally, she is a child.

@MsTSwift there’s nothing wrong with dance. You don’t get brownie points because your girls played netball. 🙄

OP I think some people think the original pic is one of your niece.

My daughter has been dancing for years and has never once been asked to or required to pose provocatively or in lingerie-type costumes.

And she certainly doesn’t just do tricks and splits.

She also always wears dance skins and has never looked like a drag queen.

What is going on here??

ReganSomerset

So we should dress our daughters like small children until they’re 18? Legally isn’t everything. A 13 year old has sexual emotions, and will want a photo shoot to reflect their growing desire to be attractive to whomsoever they find attractive. I think we can acknowledge that and allow a level of “posing” without acting like it’s page 3. She’s just lying down.

Like Ivana, I have a DD who has danced for many years - yes, she wears a leotard and tights for lessons, but for shows and competitions, costumes have been age-appropriate, decent and non-provocative - catsuits, floaty lyrical dresses, tutus etc. Though I do know that it's not the universal norm - a fellow competitor at a festival once remarked 'You're from the dance school with the very modest costumes, aren't you?'

She wears stage makeup because it's needed under stage lights, but it has the side effects that a) she doesn't care about makeup so she doesn't really wear day makeup at all at 16 and b) she's very, very good at ap[plying it, so when she does wear makeup - e.g. for her prom - it is subtle, well-blended and expertly applied.

No fake tan.

Christ I agree op. Gross. My similar aged girls play hockey and netball thankfully

Why?

I'm not keen on the outfits many wear, the make up and fake tans too - though by 13 it's the girls choice at least

A 13 year old has sexual emotions, and will want a photo shoot to reflect their growing desire to be attractive to whomsoever they find attractive

Everyone wants to look good, regardless of age. You can do that without using sexualised poses.

ReganSomerset

I don’t find the first pose sexualised at all. The second could be, depending on other factors. There are obviously lines to be drawn by a parent, but it’s not helpful to pretend a teenager is a 7 year old.

My similar aged girls play hockey and netball thankfully.

DD dances and played both netball and hockey. I have to say that her team dress for netball was shorter and more revealing than anything that she ever wore on stage to dance at that age....

Legally isn’t everything. A 13 year old has sexual emotions, and will want a photo shoot to reflect their growing desire to be attractive to whomsoever they find attractive. blimey, I don't know where to start with this! Yes they do, however we, as adults looking after them have a duty of care to guide them and keep them from making poor choices. Secondly, this isn't for them -it's part if their portfolio to show to adults. Next, in dance, gymnastics etc it isn't the children choosing the routines, costumes ridiculous Make up and tan. It's adults. For adults to watch. (I'm not implying that there is widespread pedofilic(sp) voyeurism, but why do they have to be mini sexualised adults? And it's girls. Girls being confined by an idea of feminity. You don't often see boys being pressured to dress up like this.

“A 13 year old has sexual emotions, and will want a photo shoot to reflect their growing desire to be attractive to whomsoever they find attractive”

I think the point you’re missing is this is the way the girl has been taught to lie, move etc. The poses and costumes are chosen by the child from the influences she sees in the media and from her dance school. It’s a growing expectation for no tights, fake tan, skimpy outfits and sexualized poses.

If an academic school put a photo like this on their website what would you think?

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow

Oh behave yourself. I am not saying it can’t go too far, at all. I just don’t feel about that first picture that it’s “gross” etc.

Snap
Ohwhatfuckeryisthisnow

Butterpup

I’d think it wasn’t particularly academic but the girl looks like she can dance. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Really, the first image doesn’t make me think of sexualisation .

@herculepoirot2

A 13 year old has sexual emotions, and will want a photo shoot to reflect their growing desire to be attractive to whomsoever they find attractive.

Yes a 13 year old has sexual urges and there is nothing wrong with that... But they also lack the emotional maturity to know when they are in potentially dangerous situations. As these pictures have been made public and the child is being shown it's normal and ok, how does she know when not to share such images? I know girls want to look attractive and that's fine, but it's our job as parents to protect and guide them.

GrandmaSharkdodo

I have no issue with the image. She is lying down, no nudity involved, no visible sexual body parts (I don’t find no tights on children sexy). It isn’t a big deal to me.

DC left primary two years ago,the assembly had pics of each pupil growing up. One girl (so this is primary, 11 years old) had some striking black and white photos for a dance portfolio. It's no exaggeration to say she looked like Barbarella. Hair extensions for the huge tumbling bouffant hair, nightclub style make up and half closed sleepyeyes with the slightly open pout mouth.... It was such a contrast to boys in shorts and a gap hoody!

I know what you mean - if you did not know the girl was a dancer then they would be inappropriate. So why just because she has the term 'but she's a dancer and they are her dance photos in a dance costume' makes it ok.
We have 2 local dance schools - from the photos posted by various mums its clear they have a different ethos - I will not be sending any of my kids to the one where the girls are wearing next to nothing, in the most risque poses and always with that porn star face of mouth open and eyes down.
Back in the 80's there was always those slightly seedy photographers that would promise they would make the local pretty teenage girls the next Sam Fox or Linda Lusardi and help them put together their glamour portfolio. I'm sure the equivalent are now to be found at certain dance competitions (with their appropriate police forms all correct and present) but they still give me the creeps...

I just don’t feel about that first picture that it’s “gross” etc

This thread isn't solely about the first picture though, is it? It's about both pictures and the general premise of over-sexualising young dancers and then putting the product of that over-sexualisation on display in a public forum. The OP cannot post the actual pictures, but many posters have seen unacceptably over-sexualised dance routines, costumes and images etc. I think it's unhelpful to pretend a 13 year old is on par with an 18 year old in this regard.

Herculepoirot
Do you have a child that dances?

That outfit on a child actually doing a dance move would be fine. Lying down like that is not.

I just took the lying down to be part of a series of photos that reflected her dance, so the end perhaps? Isn't that what the photos are OP?

ReganSomerset

It is, but the OP talked about a “violent reaction” and illustrated that with the first image. I don’t see what the fuss is about WRT that picture. The second, maybe. Depends on the exact picture.

My oldest did hip hop/street dancing for a few years with lots of her friends. No skimpy outfits, no makeup or fake tan, just hair in plaits. Was all age appropriate. Other friends had their kids at various dance schools and some of the show outfits and get ups were awful and completely age inappropriate. Worst was 8 year olds in tight, skimpy leotards with bright red lipstick on and more eye make up than a drag queen, all pouting and posing with hands on hips, made me shudder.