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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dance photos of children

184 replies

GrandmaSharkdodo · 27/05/2019 09:14

I've had a violent reaction to a family members photos of her child and not sure if I'm just an old fuddy duddy. The girl is 13 and is a great dancer, competing at regional competitions. She's recently gone for some studio photos of her "dancing" and I think they are highly inappropriate and over sexualised. I know young teens often take risqué selfies as they want to look older, bit this was paid for and overseen by her mum. Obviously I can't and won't put the actual photos on here but this one is quite similar to one of them .. the photos are all over Instagram and are public. AIBU or is it a bit too much?

OP posts:
MolyHolyGuacamole · 27/05/2019 09:37

Absolutely nothing wrong with that photo. The only person sexualising the child in a leotard is you, and anyone who sees anything more that a dancer in a leotard. Get a grip.

Hollowvictory · 27/05/2019 09:42

It's the lacy leotard. People who compete wearing leotards dobt wear lacy ones

Original poster
GrandmaSharkdodo · 27/05/2019 09:43

Just to clarify, the photos are from the internet, it's not the same photographer or the same child. The second one is clearly an adult but the pose and costume is pretty much the same. Obviously I won't post any of the real pictures, but I'm trying to find similar examples.

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 27/05/2019 09:45

So that’s not a photo of her??

I’m confused.

Is she doing the exact same pose in the exact same leotard? Confused

Cariadne · 27/05/2019 09:46

I think out of context the one you’ve posted does look bad, so I will take your word for it that the actual photos of your niece are inappropriate too. But generally I find it strange when adults see a child’s dancing as sexualised. There are lots of ways for children to use their bodies, and that isn’t sexual, and I often think adults see things that aren’t there.

However, you know best about photos only you have seen, so it may well be that they cross a line and are inappropriate.

herculepoirot2 · 27/05/2019 09:47

Doesn’t worry me. She’s doing a dance move.

Original poster
GrandmaSharkdodo · 27/05/2019 09:47

@MolyHolyGuacamole I appreciate your point, but of we dress little girls in lingerie, out make up on them and put them in poses found in lads mags... The other pics she had where she was actually dancing I didn't find so offensive.

OP posts:
hellooosweetheart · 27/05/2019 09:49

It is inappropriate but unfortunately it's the norm

hellooosweetheart · 27/05/2019 09:50

The second picture is in all fairness an adult woman so that's okay

herculepoirot2 · 27/05/2019 09:50

It is serious, looking at the camera, mouth open ..

So teenage girls have to smile all the time, regardless of their mood? A serious expression is sexual? Hmm

MolyHolyGuacamole · 27/05/2019 09:51

@GrandmaSharkdodo I guess whether or not it looks like lingerie comes down to opinion (I don't think it does). But honestly but your description, I was expecting to see a dancer in a squat with legs open. She's lying down.

Original poster
GrandmaSharkdodo · 27/05/2019 09:51

Ok, maybe it's too hard to tell without actually seeing the pics. I used to dance myself but a long time ago now and things were different re social media etc. We wore stage make up to perform (ballet shows) which was a bit of eyeshadow and lippy. Not full blown fake tan, hair extensions etc. But again, times have changed and nowadays people go to greater lengths to look "good". Maybe I'm out of touch.

OP posts:
Original poster
GrandmaSharkdodo · 27/05/2019 09:52

@hellooosweetheart
But the same pose, clothed etc as a 13 year old? That's my issue

OP posts:
Mammylamb · 27/05/2019 09:53

I hate these sort of photos of girls. You see them all the time on Facebook, and I know the mothers are in no way trying to sexualise the children, but they make me feel really uncomfortable.

I hate seeing kids dressed up like this or wearing make up

Original poster
GrandmaSharkdodo · 27/05/2019 09:56

**herculepoirot2

It is serious, looking at the camera, mouth open ..

So teenage girls have to smile all the time, regardless of their mood? A serious expression is sexual? hmm

Not at all. I'm just trying to pin point why I may have seen it as inappropriate. I have tried to explain its the combination of lacy clothes, make up, body language and expression and where the line is for children.

OP posts:
aprilviolets · 27/05/2019 09:56

I know what you mean OP.
I have a few facebook friends with children who dance.
The girls are often in photos with thick makeup, posed provocatively, looking like pageant queens. My friend with ballet dancing sons doesn't have photos of her boys looking like this, unsurprisingly.

samsamsamsamsamsam · 27/05/2019 09:57

agree - have a friend with a child in pagents, awful awful makeup and shaking her bum on stage.

EnglishRose13 · 27/05/2019 09:57

When my niece was about six, she had photos taken for a show and she had so much makeup on she looked like a drag queen. Her pose was very childlike, though.

During a show for a different dance school, her age group performed to an uncensored version of Blurred Lines.

JaniceBattersby · 27/05/2019 09:59

I agree OP. I also hate all the little girls at our local dance school wearing full make up ‘so that they don’t look washed out on stage’ while the boys in the same dance school doing street dance on the same stage don’t wear make-up... can’t think why Hmm

herculepoirot2 · 27/05/2019 10:01

GrandmaSharkdodo

She’s a teen, not a child. She wants to look attractive, not like a child. Providing she is in the driving seat at all times and there is no inappropriate activity going on, and no nudity etc., I think you may need to wind your neck in.

Lollyice · 27/05/2019 10:01

Dd is 7 and just had her photos taken at the dress rehearsal of her ballet show.
The kids wear makeup as they need a bit to be seen under the stage lights but she is stood in a dance pose.
I will definitely be watching out for inappropriate music, leotards and dance moves as she gets older. It's completely unnecessary.

Comefromaway · 27/05/2019 10:02

The boys have always worn makeup at the schools my kids have attended.

Butterpup · 27/05/2019 10:03

I agree, it’s always been bad but is worse nowadays because:

  1. The trend for no tights.
  2. The choreography (moves) the children do are directly copied from overly sexualised music videos and commercial dance.
  3. The cross over of gymnastics into dance means there is much more focus on fast tricks and rolling on the floor, legs split, rather than slow controlled movement and beauty of line.

Whilst these trends can look amazing with toned adult bodies and great full theatre lighting they transfer very poorly to children IMO.

MsTSwift · 27/05/2019 10:08

Christ I agree op. Gross. My similar aged girls play hockey and netball thankfully.

pelirocco123 · 27/05/2019 10:08

Having been to many dance school shows I am getting more and more concerned at the outfits and dances .The outfits are getting more and more revealing and the dances more sexualised
We went to the local very well known dance college show , one of the songs was involving teenage boys and a young teachers breast, she gave them all a tissue and the song went on with them simulating wanking into the tissues......this is in a packed theatre with all ages in the audience , trying explaining that to younger children