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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it obvious this is a wedding dress?

172 replies

ASMRLover · 26/05/2019 21:06

This is a ridiculous question, I know. Basically I need opinions on if this dress is obviously a bridal dress, or if there's a small chance it could pass for a party dress:

www.dorothyperkins.com/en/dpuk/product/showcase-white-bridal-louisa-midi-dress-8748291

I am getting married and like the look of this dress, and it's been very hard to find something on a budget. The cpmplication is, we are having lunch at a pub, and I'm worried they will throw us out if they realise it's a wedding party, as they charge thousands for weddings. We are only having lunch with about 15 people though. So I feel I have to find a nice wedding dress that isn't too obviously a wedding dresss iyswim?

OP posts:
budgiegirl · 27/05/2019 21:31

My friend did this and the pub allowed them to go in and put up decorations etc. with no extra charge. They even offered to book a band for after the meal and kept the table booked all evening so they could stay as long as they wanted. They only paid for the meal for 15 because that's the only actual service they required - no extra staff, special menu, weird meal timings etc

I doubt the OPs pub is likely to do this, if they are marketing themselves as a wedding venue, which they clearly are as the OP says they charge thousands to hold a wedding.

SomeLikeItHotterThanHell · 27/05/2019 21:44

It's a pub and there are 15 people booked in to have a meal. Is a pub really going to turn away the custom of 15 people coming for a sit down meal because they weren't told in advance

Not in the real world, no. This is mumsnet world though where some people staunchly play by the rules down to the legal letter and then claim it is common in real life. Look at the amount of posters completely ignoring the idea that it is a public room, no extras involved etc and yet continue to insist that it's reasonable she is charged more etc. I can tell you now the majority of pubs would not be fussed and wouldn't dare make a fuss due to the bad publicity it would create.

And cakes are different. The OP isn't going to suddenly start requesting tasters at her local pub for God's sake and nor has she found their ad. She is a bloody local going out for dinner!

budgiegirl · 28/05/2019 08:00

I can tell you now the majority of pubs would not be fussed and wouldn't dare make a fuss due to the bad publicity it would create

You’re right, the majority of pubs wouldn’t be fussed. But then, the majority of pubs don’t offer wedding packages that cost thousands of pounds. It doesn’t sound like the OP is just nipping down to the local boozer.

All I’m saying is that I can understand why a pub in this situation might get a bit pissed off if they discover the OP is having a wedding meal. It’s not a risk I’d personally want to take, and can easily be resolved by calling to check.

3timeslucky · 28/05/2019 09:54

15 people having a regular meal after a private event is not the same as having an event specifically catered as a wedding. If the venue hasn't enquired why you're booking a table for 15 then they do not have a policy that they should know what you're celebrating. If they didn't ask, then they don't care (or certainly have no grounds for maintaining that they do).

randomsabreuse · 28/05/2019 10:00

Say it's a wedding anniversary celebration- 1 hour is an anniversary right!

dontgobaconmyheart · 28/05/2019 10:10

I'd pick a different pub that isn't likely to cause an issue to be honest OP for a number of reasons really; it could backfire, there may be another wedding there on the day which you'd be potentially ruining, if you already feel paranoid about the whole thing it will surely ruin it for you anyway and be uncomfortable for the guests. Re: the dress; absolutely it looks like a wedding dress (because it is, to be fair) - I can't imagine anyone wearing that to anything that wasn't a wedding as the bride and it says it all that nobody would wear that to a wedding as a guest in a million years. Nice dress though!

WhiteDust · 28/05/2019 12:30

Does the time spent at the table make a difference? A family meal for 15 might last a couple of hours whereas a wedding meal could drag on all afternoon what with speeches, toasts, cutting the cake etc...
Does this pub know you'll be there for longer than average?

thecatsthecats · 28/05/2019 13:17

I'd say one thing you might be risking is that the pub might cancel your booking if someone does try to exclusively hire the place for a wedding the same day.

My sister's wedding venue does this (they get ad hoc bookings a long time in advance - large pub with attractive grounds etc, gourmet food).

I personally would not be booking a venue where it would necessitate me pretending I wasn't having a wedding.

MumofTinies · 28/05/2019 13:28

I'm sorry ASMRLover but I think YWBU to wear that dress to that particular venue. When I got married I looked at a few venues that guarenteed that there would be only one wedding on the day. Now, if there is a wedding on the same day as yours you may get a laid back bride like me who wouldn't care, or you may get a couple who insist the venue keeps to the contract. The venue will of course be more obliging to the couple who have spent thousands. Do you really want to spend your day worrying about being found out or even going through the embarrassment of being asked to leave?

The dress is lovely, have the dress you want, find a different venue. Congratulations Flowers

exaltedwombat · 28/05/2019 17:27

The pub won't throw you out. Relax. It's a lovely dress.

ToftyAC · 28/05/2019 17:55

It’s a pretty dress. Could be either party or wedding-y. Sod the pub.... doesn’t matter if it is a wedding party. You’ve booked as normal and asked for nothing extra. None of their business what your celebration is. I had my reception in a nice pub, but we paid more only as we hired the whole venue and they did the menu we picked as well as wine, Pimms, etc.

Cornishgorl44 · 28/05/2019 17:56

That is a beautiful simple dress. I’m sure any decent pub won’t throw you out Have a lovely day

Housemum · 28/05/2019 17:57

Along with many other posters, as long as you want what you are paying for ie a meal for 15 people then what business is it how you are dressed? You could equally have had a “destination wedding” and come into the pub the week after to celebrate wearing your wedding dress, for people who could t go to the actual wedding. Or you could be having an anniversary meal. Or a meal for someone who could only afford a quickie register office wedding before. Or celebrating in a proper dress having had to have a quick formal wedding before one of you was posted overseas with the forces.

As long as you don’t want to take over the place for longer than a normal celebration I can’t see the problem.

OneStepSideways · 28/05/2019 18:11

It looks very bridal to me, I think they will guess straight away. Why not wear it for the ceremony then change into a different dress for the meal?

origamiunicorn · 28/05/2019 18:18

They charge more for weddings because they can. Cake makers add hundreds on to a cake just because it's for a Wedding it's such a scam.

happybunny007 · 28/05/2019 18:21

I would get really stressed that I might get ‘caught’ and would spoil the anticipation of the day.

manicmij · 28/05/2019 18:41

Make it a booking for two separate tables i different names eg one in yours, one in DPs then one lot goes in and when the other lot arrives act surprised 'Oh fancy seeing you here! ' Dress should be fine as long as you don't have bridal flowers etc - a clutch handbag maybe.

ShowMeTheKittens · 28/05/2019 19:15

Wear a pretty coloured bolero and a matching sash and you will look less weddingy. Good luck for a happy life together x

pomers · 28/05/2019 19:16

Lovely but definitely a wedding dress imo

Takingshape12 · 28/05/2019 19:23

As long as you are literally just having the meal I see no problem. If you start making speeches, toasts and cutting cakes whilst posing for photos then thats taking the piss in my opinion and you should be yo front with the pub. Just a meal is fine.

nuxe1984 · 28/05/2019 19:33

The OP is right. People do charge more when you mention "wedding" … think bouquets … can get a nice one for a reasonable price but say it's a wedding bouquet and the price goes up. I would just book for 15 people, they don't need to know what it's for … I'm assuming you'll be buying drinks in the pub and won't be taking a wedding cake. So it should really be just like any other large party booking. Good luck …. and the dress looks fine!

Womble351 · 28/05/2019 19:47

We went to our local carvery after our wedding in full wedding attire (not wedding dress but I had bouquet etc we even took a wedding cake with us they were really good and we were treated nicely they provided knife and plates for cake etc. We booked just normally

PoloMama · 28/05/2019 20:01

I would talk to them in advance just to put your mind at rest and be able to relax on the day. Venues charge a lot more for wedding celebrations but it's also more work for them to offer a wedding package (different menu, drinks accounted for, private hire of the entire venue - or at least part of it, table and chair dressing, allowing your florist in to decorate, your photographer in etc etc). If you're not expecting any of that and are simply eating from their regular menu as a group booking then they have no right to charge you more. I'm sure they'll be very accommodating if you explain to them in advance and they should, in any case, go out of their way to make your day special.

EleanorReally · 28/05/2019 20:11

I think the pub might be miffed that you pulled a fast one perhaps

WeOnlyPlannedTheFirst · 28/05/2019 20:23

Our reception was a sit down meal at a local hotel/wedding venue. We just booked for the 18 people and paid for the set menu. We were obviously a wedding party but we didn't ask for anything special or wedding-y and no one batted an eyelid.
Oh, and it is a lovely dress!

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