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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it obvious this is a wedding dress?

172 replies

ASMRLover · 26/05/2019 21:06

This is a ridiculous question, I know. Basically I need opinions on if this dress is obviously a bridal dress, or if there's a small chance it could pass for a party dress:

www.dorothyperkins.com/en/dpuk/product/showcase-white-bridal-louisa-midi-dress-8748291

I am getting married and like the look of this dress, and it's been very hard to find something on a budget. The cpmplication is, we are having lunch at a pub, and I'm worried they will throw us out if they realise it's a wedding party, as they charge thousands for weddings. We are only having lunch with about 15 people though. So I feel I have to find a nice wedding dress that isn't too obviously a wedding dresss iyswim?

OP posts:
HobbyIsCodeForDogging · 27/05/2019 14:42

Well if the pub has another wedding party booked that day and has assured that couple that they only cater one wedding at a time, I can see how it would cause a problem if another wedding party rocked up (whether or not the second group was trying to be discreet or keep it secret).

On that basis, and thinking about the potential impact on others and not just myself, I would definitely contact the pub and explain to them what I was looking for. Then you can choose whatever dress you like, not merely one that will make you look like a bride.

ClashCityRocker · 27/05/2019 14:52

Pubs are under no obligation to honour a booking, wedding or otherwise. So they could refuse to serve op and her guests, provided it's not on discriminatory grounds.

In theory, anyway. In reality, I would think (and hope) they would be unlikely to do so. I think the only issue would be as pps had said if they had another wedding party in who had paid for the wedding package - that could potentially be tricky.

The dress is beautiful op, however I think it will be fairly obvious you are a wedding party - unless you tell your guests in no uncertain terms not to mention the wedding! I would probably ring up to confirm/check numbers and mention that it's a celebratory meal following your wedding. Just to avoid the stress, tbh.

SomeLikeItHotterThanHell · 27/05/2019 15:44

Well if the pub has another wedding party booked that day and has assured that couple that they only cater one wedding at a time,

Am I being really dense? The OP isn't booking as a wedding party though! They could all pop home and change into jeans and it would have the same impact on the pub as if they popped along in their formal clothes. A formal wedding party who had booked a full package, with flowers/ a room/ balloons/ set menu and wine on the table is different to the OP. It isn't remotely the same?

HobbyIsCodeForDogging · 27/05/2019 15:58

Yes, you've missed the point I was making. The point is that the other couple would be expecting to be the only ones celebrating a wedding. If an "unofficial" wedding celebration (ie one that had not disclosed or booked as a wedding) then came along, they would be quite justified in being cross.

crosstalk · 27/05/2019 16:50

I'm enjoying the two cats taking people to the lunch. And also If I was you I'd pop in to the pub and explain it is a meal after your weeding, Clearly that lovely dress will go with gumboots and a dirty trowel.

I'm slightly on the side of those who would tell the pub that it's a family celebration just in case there is another wedding party there with exclusivity rights. If they've accepted the booking, they've undoubtedly already accepted it will take longer for 15 people to order and serve and they are likely to take longer to eat. If you are not having speeches or whatever, it sounds fine to me. Especially if you're already a customer.

I've organised fairly big celebratory dinners with speeches (30-50) in pubs I knew. What I offered is pre-choice (helps the chef) and a seating plan with meal choices alongside (helps the waitresses). 15 is normal for many pubs if you're prepared to wait for your meals.

PCohle · 27/05/2019 16:55

On what grounds? They are a normal party eating a meal, expecting nothing extra.

On whatever grounds they like. They're a business - they can charge wedding parties more just because people will pay more for a wedding if they want. The OP is trying to get around that.

goodwinter · 27/05/2019 17:06

The point is that the other couple would be expecting to be the only ones celebrating a wedding. If an "unofficial" wedding celebration (ie one that had not disclosed or booked as a wedding) then came along, they would be quite justified in being cross

But if OP changed out of her dress, and everything else stayed the same (because OP's not having a full "wedding package"), then that would be ok?

The hypothetical wedding patry going on at the same time presumably paid expecting "exclusivity" in the sense that they'd be the only ones with balloons, cakes, extra service, etc... not to stop a group from having (what is for all intents and purposes) a normal meal with one person wearing a fancy white dress?!

SomeLikeItHotterThanHell · 27/05/2019 17:06

Yes, you've missed the point I was making. The point is that the other couple would be expecting to be the only ones celebrating a wedding. If an "unofficial" wedding celebration (ie one that had not disclosed or booked as a wedding) then came along, they would be quite justified in being cross.

ok. I'm not being deliberately goady, i do see the point if the other wedding party were receiving any special wedding attention. As they aren't, I don't see how anyone can get cross. Especially as you can have a party of 15 people celebrating anything they like without affecting an official wedding party. Plenty seem to disagree with me though so I will put this down as one those mumsnet issues that I just cannot get my head around.

I think it is absolutely disgusting that pubs will charge simply for it being a special occasion. And yes, they can charge what they like but it leaves a sour taste in my mouth if it is exactly the same menu and terms as all the other people in there. I've been to 60th birthdays, in hired out rooms of pubs and they just give the normal menu (same prices as anybody else) and simply charge extra for the room hire. I can't imagine anywhere round where I am actually trying to put their price up because it happens to be two people who got married....unless they went with a proper wedding package.

OP - I agree with everyone else. If most people on mumsnet think you will cause lots of bad feeling then I would either tell them...or take a pair of jeans and flips flops Wink

SomeLikeItHotterThanHell · 27/05/2019 17:08

Goodwinter thank you...i was beginning to wonder if my brain had completely shut down. It might melt soon though!

PCohle · 27/05/2019 17:10

You really can't see why a bride might feel a little put out to look across the room (which she may have booked on the basis of exclusivity) and see... another bride in a big white dress? It would make one's special day feel slightly less special.

SomeLikeItHotterThanHell · 27/05/2019 17:14

But she isn't wearing a big white dress is she?! And if a bride were that picky she would hire the separate function room. I have never attended a wedding in a pub where the room hasn't been hired out. The weddings that are small and casual (like the OPs) clearly don't want a big fuss. It wouldn't be worth the OPs time to hire out a room, unless they have a small room.

bridgetreilly · 27/05/2019 17:20

If you've booked somewhere for an exclusive wedding, you aren't at a place where other people are having meals in tables of 15.

OP, I think the dress is lovely, and I think you're perfectly entitled to eat a meal after your wedding without booking a 'wedding package'.

budgiegirl · 27/05/2019 17:27

OP, I think the dress is lovely, and I think you're perfectly entitled to eat a meal after your wedding without booking a 'wedding package'

At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter what we think the OP is entitled to do. It matters what the pub thinks. If the pub feel they have been tricked (and let’s face it, the OP is trying to trick them, otherwise she’d have been upfront with them in the first place) they may possibly refuse to serve the OPs party, or charge extra. Is that really a worry you want on your wedding day?

AntiHop · 27/05/2019 17:32

After our afternoon wedding reception, we'd booked at area for drinks and food in the bar area of a local restaurant. I was wearing my wedding dress which wasn't white but still obviously a wedding dress. The restaurant were not at all bothered that we hadn't told them it was a wedding. They just said, if they'd known, they would have put some decorations out.

3timeslucky · 27/05/2019 17:44

If the pub feel they have been tricked (and let’s face it, the OP is trying to trick them, otherwise she’d have been upfront with them in the first place)

Since when do people have to disclose why they're having a meal out? I regularly book for birthdays, wedding anniversaries, and have done for christenings without mentioning why I and my family/friends are eating together. If I don't want special event-related services it is none of their business why I'm booking a table. IMHO the same applies in this case.

budgiegirl · 27/05/2019 18:39

If I don't want special event-related services it is none of their business why I'm booking a table

Of course it’s their business, it’s their pub. You may not agree with their policies, but it’s up to them what policies they set.

MissUGirl · 27/05/2019 19:06

I’m a wedding supplier (cakes), I charge more for wedding cakes than other cakes, but I don’t think I’m a CF.

Based on your description of your services, you provide a significantly different service for wedding cake orders (delivery, tasting, detailed instructions, etc). However, if a customer placed a telephone order for a "celebration cake" that happened to be used for a wedding, it would be entirely reasonable for them to expect to pay the standard birthday cake fee, wouldn't it?

TriciaH87 · 27/05/2019 19:19

I would speak to the pub and say look we are getting married we do not want a reception, we are not asking you to close or anything, we are simply asking if we can come as a group of (make a different number up just incase they say no) for a sit down meal. No fuss just as if we had all walked in off the street. It's unlikely they will refuse the business if so just do it anyway they are not going to make a fuss and kick a bride out surely.

TriciaH87 · 27/05/2019 19:21

Oh and if they ask why the booking tell them relatives are flying in from abroard

budgiegirl · 27/05/2019 19:33

However, if a customer placed a telephone order for a "celebration cake" that happened to be used for a wedding, it would be entirely reasonable for them to expect to pay the standard birthday cake fee, wouldn't it?

Not really, no. Because presumably they’ve found my business due to my marketing (website, wedding fair etc). So that’s a cost that needs to be accounted for.

Then (no matter what they say) there’s every chance that they will want some of the follow up services - cake samples, lots of emails or phone calls etc. I can’t start adding costs per question they ask, or charge extra because they’d now like a cake tasting etc.

So I need to charge wedding cake prices from the get go.

costacoffeecup · 27/05/2019 19:36

If they ask say you're renewing your vows.

Soconfusedandlost · 27/05/2019 19:52

I've never been married but surely the extra wedding type prices are for things like private room or decorations or menu etc. Otherwise everyone who goes to a pub after a funeral (which many people do after the wake if its a small service) would have to be charged extra too as its an additional wake. They can't charge wedding prices u less you have booked it as a reception with all the extras surely?

bridgetreilly · 27/05/2019 19:54

The OP is not trying to trick them! She's not trying to get the wedding package without paying for it. She's trying to book a normal meal for 15 people in order to get a normal meal for 15 people. She's not asking them for a function room, or extra waiters, or to come in early to decorate the place, or to phone up fifteen times a day for three weeks beforehand with pointless questions. She just wants dinner. Off the normal menu. In the normal way. At the normal price.

pigsDOfly · 27/05/2019 19:57

I really can't understand why this would be a problem.

It's a pub and there are 15 people booked in to have a meal. Is a pub really going to turn away the custom of 15 people coming for a sit down meal because they weren't told in advance that it was a wedding celebration meal?

People pay a lot of money when they hire a room and catering at a pub or hotel because they're having the exclusive use of the room and the meal is being specially made for them. They probably also have dancing and possibly a DJ or band. It's not the same thing at all.

Does the same thing apply if 15 people are celebrating a birthday because I'm sure sometimes people book separate rooms for birthday celebrations as well.

And what's with another bride booking the pub exclusively for her celebration? If she's done that I would assume she won't be sitting in a pub where load of other people are having a meal and expect to be the only bride in the room.

I've never told a restaurant or pub why I'm booking a meal, except if it's for a birthday and we want to bring along a cake, which most places seem to be fine with.

Unless you're expecting the pub to empty when you arrive and have it all to yourself OP, I imagine you'll be fine.

And the dress is lovely.

BeanBag7 · 27/05/2019 20:55

I would be upfront with the pub and tell them what you're doing and that you're happy to be just having a basic 2 hour sit down meal, no function room, no frills.

My friend did this and the pub allowed them to go in and put up decorations etc. with no extra charge. They even offered to book a band for after the meal and kept the table booked all evening so they could stay as long as they wanted. They only paid for the meal for 15 because that's the only actual service they required - no extra staff, special menu, weird meal timings etc.

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