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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it obvious this is a wedding dress?

172 replies

ASMRLover · 26/05/2019 21:06

This is a ridiculous question, I know. Basically I need opinions on if this dress is obviously a bridal dress, or if there's a small chance it could pass for a party dress:

www.dorothyperkins.com/en/dpuk/product/showcase-white-bridal-louisa-midi-dress-8748291

I am getting married and like the look of this dress, and it's been very hard to find something on a budget. The cpmplication is, we are having lunch at a pub, and I'm worried they will throw us out if they realise it's a wedding party, as they charge thousands for weddings. We are only having lunch with about 15 people though. So I feel I have to find a nice wedding dress that isn't too obviously a wedding dresss iyswim?

OP posts:
BiggerBoat1 · 27/05/2019 09:57

Its a lovely dress.

If I was you I'd pop in to the pub and explain it is a meal after your weeding to put your mind at rest. I'm sure they'll be fine with it. You're not asking for anything special They'll probably be very happy you've chosen them.

Polarbearflavour · 27/05/2019 10:00

I’m honestly surprised nobody has accused you of stealing from the venue OP! 😂

Thequaffle · 27/05/2019 10:03

It could be a party dress. But will you have a veil and a bouquet with you?

StillWould · 27/05/2019 10:08

Trying to find a dress that doesn't look like a wedding dress just to try and disguise yourself in the pub seems crazy!

^
This.

You are eating at their public tables from the usual menu. If they charge thousands for weddings that would be to have private dining, additional staff etc.

Trying to hide that you are a bride on your wedding day seems really bonkers.

DameSylvieKrin · 27/05/2019 10:08

You won’t be able to relax if you are worried about being thrown out. Is there no alternative venue?
You could agree all the parameters with them, auch as set menu, length, whether a speech is allowed. Get the price set and then tell them it’s a wedding, so you provoke the potential conflict before it can ruin your day.

budgiegirl · 27/05/2019 10:09

That dress looks like a wedding dress to me. The venue will almost certainly know it’s a wedding!

If you’re worried, call and explain thst you just want a quiet, ordinary pub meal, no speeches, no special treatment, ordinary length of time (2 hours?).

If the venue says no, find a pub that doesn’t do weddings, or is prepared to accept your group on your terms. But don’t lie to them, it’s too stressful, and also unfair on the venue.

JaniceBattersby · 27/05/2019 10:12

Eh? Just book a table and turn up. What’s the problem? The pub won’t care less.

CannoninD · 27/05/2019 10:18

If you’re worried OP I would suggest bringing coulrful shoes/ a clutch to wear for the meal (use white for the ceremony if you prefer).

If the venue ask (and you don’t want to tell them) you can say you’ve all been to a christening but there wasn’t an after do!

EVERYBODY charges more for weddings. I get married next week and it’s completely boiled my blood! Wedding suppliers are complete CF’s in my opinion.

Our caterer has charger £75 per head for the breakfast meal (not including wine) but the same exact meal is being provided for the photographer/workers at £20 per head (much closer to what it actually costs).

I understand overheards/logistics/emotion... but it doesn’t equate to anywhere near £50 a head!

A chair cover/decor company told us their minimum spend was £125 (fair enough but they’re a tiny company with VERY limited stock) I repeated several times to them to make the cost up to £125 (despite us already having hired 85% of their stock! Got the invoice through the other day £122.50 .... and the £50 delivery charge applied because we ‘hadn’t reached the minimum spend’ 😡

I rang them and they were very reluctant to make it up to £125, told me there was nothing left...etc. But why the hell should I pay an extra £50 for the sake of £2.50?!?!

I’m all for supporting small businesses but seriously I’m not an actual charity.

CannoninD · 27/05/2019 10:19

*£55

budgiegirl · 27/05/2019 12:16

EVERYBODY charges more for weddings. I get married next week and it’s completely boiled my blood! Wedding suppliers are complete CF’s in my opinion

I’m a wedding supplier (cakes), I charge more for wedding cakes than other cakes, but I don’t think I’m a CF. The increase in costs is down to a number of things

  1. I have a large budget for wedding marketing, I have zero budget for birthday cakes . I mostly do wedding fairs - they are costly, and take a huge amount of time, effort and money. I have to prepare display cakes, samples, leaflets, plus it takes two of us to attend. I also have a website, again this takes time and money to run.
  1. I offer consultations for wedding cakes. Each cake is individually designed, no two cakes are the same. Each consultation takes a minimum of an hour. Birthday cakes are booked by phone, usually takes about 10 minutes.
  1. I offer cake samples for wedding cakes, a choice of our four most popular flavours. These all take time and money to prepare. I don’t for celebration cakes.
  1. There is usually a great deal more admin with a wedding cake. Brides tend to send at least 4-6 emails/phone calls, asking for quotes, asking for details, making changes, checking details etc. This is fine of course, it’s all part of the service, but it all takes time, which needs to be factored in when pricing cakes. This doesn’t tend to happen with birthday cakes.
  1. I deliver wedding cakes (free for local venues). I don’t deliver birthday cakes.
  1. Ultimately, I charge what the market will stand - I’m a business after all. As much as I love my job, I want to be properly paid. I’m not doing it out of the goodness of my heart! Birthday cakes make no more than pin money. Wedding cakes are the main stay of my business.

This is just for my business - I’m sure many wedding serves offer a similar level of service/ have similar extra overheads, whether you think you are getting them or not .

VisiblyOver25 · 27/05/2019 12:23

They've got no business charging you extra for an off menu meal in a pub. Unless you expect to stay for hours and subject all the other punters to speeches and drunken shenanigans.

budgiegirl · 27/05/2019 12:33

They've got no business charging you extra for an off menu meal in a pub. Unless you expect to stay for hours and subject all the other punters to speeches and drunken shenanigans

Or unless the pub markets itself as a wedding venue and you found the pub using this marketing (fair enough if it’s your local!). Or if the venue promises other brides that they will be the only wedding that day, or similar.

OP, just call the pub and clarify your needs. Fairer to everyone then, and you won’t need to worry.

lyralalala · 27/05/2019 12:33

Hairdressers don't charge more for hair-ups just because it's a wedding

Many do. One I spoke too quoted £75 for 'bridal hair.

I had my hair done there for £30 for 'going to a wedding'.

Sockwomble · 27/05/2019 12:40

If they have another wedding party in at the same time, I could see them being annoyed if they had been told they were the only one.

WhiteDust · 27/05/2019 12:44

It's beautiful!
Gorgeous shoes, flowers in hair - very weddingy!! X

SkintAsASkintThing · 27/05/2019 12:47

Just looks like a nice, white summer dress to me.

My sister wore an identical looking one with pumps and a denim jacket at the Grand Prix yesterday, so I'd hardly class it as overly dressy !

Yabbers · 27/05/2019 13:15

They charge thousands for weddings because a wedding isn’t just a sit down lunch. They won’t expect you to pay any more just because the food you are having there happens to be after you’ve been married.

The price per head we paid for the meal was actually cheaper than the price per head if we’d gone for that meal in their restaurant. The wine was the same price. What we paid for as the wedding package, was the additional staff costs, the hire of a ballroom, table centres, chair covers etc etc.

If you love it, wear it.

Yabbers · 27/05/2019 13:17

Many do. One I spoke too quoted £75 for 'bridal hair.

My bridal hair package included at least one practice run with the hairdresser, and was about designing the do which would go with the veil etc. Hair up for a wedding doesn’t include that.

PuppyMonkey · 27/05/2019 13:21

This is mad. Why should they throw you out because it’s a wedding meal? That’s like saying anyone who goes out for a birthday meal in a pub should also be thrown out because they haven’t booked one of the venue’s party packages.Grin

Cuppa12345 · 27/05/2019 13:32

cccameron

Hairdressers don't charge more for hair-ups just because it's a wedding. Mine certainly didn't anyway and neither did my sisters.

That's the exception. Most do charge more. You get trials or whatever sometimes but if you just want an updo, much better to just say you're a guest!

lyralalala · 27/05/2019 13:39

My bridal hair package included at least one practice run with the hairdresser, and was about designing the do which would go with the veil etc. Hair up for a wedding doesn’t include that.

That didn't even include any of that. It was £25 per trial if you wanted one. That also included you saying "I want this..."

PCohle · 27/05/2019 13:41

It's lovely. I do think planning your whole day around the pub not noticing it's a wedding is a bit mad though. I think it will be bloody obvious, whatever you're wearing.

The pub are perfectly within their rights to charge more for weddings and to refuse to serve you for whatever reason they like (excluding discrimination based on protected characteristics), including because you misled them about the nature of the event. Personally I'd tell them and put my mind at rest.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/05/2019 13:46

What do they offer for weddings? If another couple have paid to be the only wedding party there, your presence would put the venue in breach of contract.

SomeLikeItHotterThanHell · 27/05/2019 14:30

I imagined they only charge more for weddings because most of the time people book a section of the venue out and have a different menu. They normally fan up the area with flowers to justify the extortionate price hike.

They absolutely cannot charge people more to eat if they come in and order off the normal menu, in the same area of the pub as everybody else. They don't have a questionnaire asking all their customers what the occasion is.

You are perfectly fine to go anywhere and eat your meal, regardless of the celebration. Have a lovely day Thanks

SomeLikeItHotterThanHell · 27/05/2019 14:35

The pub are perfectly within their rights to charge more for weddings and to refuse to serve you for whatever reason they like (excluding discrimination based on protected characteristics), including because you misled them about the nature of the event.

On what grounds? They are a normal party eating a meal, expecting nothing extra. They don't want bridal flowers or a special menu. Literally the only give away will be their clothes. Are pubs allowed to discriminate on clothing that is formal?

I just cannot imagine a waiter saying "excuse me but you look like you just got married? That means we need to charge you £20 a head more than anybody else eating in this pub. Sorry - but the rules are anybody in wedding clothes deserves to pay more". Just not going to happen.