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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Pissed off with DM

84 replies

Baddabo · 26/05/2019 18:09

Had DM for lunch today.

I've had a shit week. Both my one year old and me have been poorly. My house turned into a shit tip. Spent yesterday cleaning it from top to bottom as well as working on the garden. We moved house mid April so we've been pretty busy of late, DIY, the garden, etc. as well as working, looking after the baby and keeping on top of the house work.

I was looking forward to when DM leaves, cleaning up the kitchen, doing a bit of washing and then taking an hour to myself to have a nice bath whilst DH puts the baby to bed then the two of us could finally have a nice evening together. We haven't had one since we moved in and we are finally pretty much finished with everything, save a few small things.

But DM has decided to drink over 3/4 of a bottle of wine. I was actually advised on a thread previously, (have name changed since) that it sounds like shes a functioning alcoholic. But anyway, she now can't drive herself home. I phoned a taxi company but they couldnt do the trip tonight. I was going to phone around but DM insists she wants my DH to drive her home and she would give him the money instead of a taxi. I don't care for money. I want my evening that I was looking forward to! The baby has had to stay home with me because if he falls asleep in the car at this time, we won't get him to sleep later. He's a bit needy still since he's been poorly so I can't really do the bits I wanted to do without DH here keeping an eye on him.

The trip is 45 minutes each way depending on traffic and it's now going to be another bloody late evening for us. Oh, and DM expects DH to pick her up again tomorrow and bring her back to get her car, so that's tomorrow morning lost too.

Really pissed off.

OP posts:

Original poster

Baddabo · 26/05/2019 18:09

Ffs! I did put paragraphs in. Don't know where they've gone.

Thanks, if you manage to get through that

OP posts:

Original poster

Baddabo · 26/05/2019 18:11

Think what pisses me off most actually, on reflection is that I remember most of my childhood revolving around "no we cant do this or that" because she had to much to drink to be able to drive anywhere after about 2pm on the weekends.

OP posts:

bridgetreilly · 26/05/2019 18:12

If you knew she was driving, why did you let her keep drinking? I mean, I'd be super-annoyed as well, but I also think it should have been possible to have avoided this situation.

PutyourtoponTrevor · 26/05/2019 18:13

Or she could have stopped drinking herself?

Original poster

Baddabo · 26/05/2019 18:14

@bridgetreilly I spent most of the day in the kitchen cooking.

I dont have alcohol in the house so she brings her own and spent most the afternoon sitting in the garden with the bottle and the glass.

I popped out now and again between supervising the dinner to chat but it wasn't like I could supervise her consumption because I wasn't pouring her the drink iyswim

OP posts:

lolaflores · 26/05/2019 18:17

Cant stop an adult drinking once they e started.Not a child. Their responsibility
However
For future reference, say that its ot happening at yours and up to herself what she does after that.
I'd be annoyed but u have to e boundaries with her in future.
Alcoholics are chaotic but try your best ot to let it sleep into your home life like it did as a kid.

Princessphoebe75 · 26/05/2019 18:18

How annoying but did you not question why she was drinking if she had driven to yours? Or how she thought she was getting home? If she has form for this you need to tell her in advance DH won't be driving her home and book her a taxi to take her home when she arrives, and that she needs a taxi for the journey to pick up her car the following day.

Original poster

Baddabo · 26/05/2019 18:18

I imagine DH is pissed off that he's ended up being my mother's designated driver.

It would have been fairer for me to take her as shes my mother but she refuses to get in the car with me

OP posts:

bridgetreilly · 26/05/2019 18:19

I dont have alcohol in the house so she brings her own

Ah, okay. In that case, I wonder if your best strategy in future is not to have her at your house, but arrange to meet up somewhere in between. That way it'll be clear that she has to take responsibility for getting herself home.

Leeds2 · 26/05/2019 18:19

Could she get a taxi to you tomorrow, to pick up the car? Or a train, and pick her up from the station?

CruellaFeinberg · 26/05/2019 18:20

Get your DH to have a quick drink, then he cant drive her and she will have to get a taxi

CruellaFeinberg · 26/05/2019 18:20

she refuses to get in the car with me why?

Original poster

Baddabo · 26/05/2019 18:22

@Princessphoebe75 I didn't question her arrival with the bottle because she ALWAYS has one small glass when she comes. Whether she is here for an hour or the whole afternoon.

I personally wouldn't drink anything if I was driving but she will stop at one small glass if she knows she driving but today she didnt and did 3/4 of the bottle and by the time I realised it was too late.

OP posts:

bridgetreilly · 26/05/2019 18:23

And seriously, get the taxi. She might want DH to drive her, but he absolutely does not have to.

Orchidflower1 · 26/05/2019 18:23

Is there not another taxi company that she could use? Uber?

Original poster

Baddabo · 26/05/2019 18:23

@CruellaFeinberg That's a good idea.

Me and DH very rarely if ever drink but I dont imagine he'd turn down a small bottle of cider if it got him out of driving duties!

OP posts:

MissCharleyP · 26/05/2019 18:25

Ring around different taxi companies? Most ones I know would snatch your hand off for the fare on a 45 minute journey with a (relatively?) well behaved passenger. Personally I’d just refuse or get DH to drop her at bus/train station.

TheresWaldo · 26/05/2019 18:25

Tell her she needs to sort a taxi and leave.

scaryteacher · 26/05/2019 18:25

I would not let your dh drive her tomorrow. She drinks, it's her problem to get the car, not yours. Might give more time for the alcohol to get out of her system as well.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 26/05/2019 18:26

Is there another taxi company?

Original poster

Baddabo · 26/05/2019 18:27

Answering a few more questions:

We live in a town that has 5-6 taxi companies. I phoned one, my usual, who couldn't do it today. I told DM I'd phone around but she just kept insisting she'd rather DH took her home and she'd pay him instead, etc. She can be very pushy and I think DH felt a bit trapped and cornered into agreeing.

She won't allow me to drive her because I drove her five minutes down the road the day I first past my test over five years ago and she's sworn never to get in a car with me again. She's quite dramatic, like.

OP posts:

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 26/05/2019 18:28

Tomorrow - she can pay for a taxi to drive her to yours so she can pick the car up.

She needs to learn - you two aren't going to run around after her if she drinks too much.

My DM is an alcoholic (recovering now) and she knew she wouldn't be allowed round mine if she was drinking. I personally don't believe in drinking at all and driving and I also knew we would end up with problems like you've got now.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 26/05/2019 18:29

@Baddabo - x post.

In that situation I would call the other companies and book her one. I know she should do it herself however you're taking control and you'll end up with the evening you want.

Tistheseason17 · 26/05/2019 18:29

If I were you, she would be getting a taxi tomorrow, I can tell you!!
No way I would even acknowledge her attempts to contact me to pick her up!

YANBU - selfish woman. And sorry that growing up you had to put up with this - awful.

SchoolPanicTime · 26/05/2019 18:30

YANBU and it definitely sounds like DM has alcohol issues. Why would anyone drink so much when they need to drive 45 minutes home.

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