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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To race my 8 year old in the belief that I will win?

97 replies

Snoozysnuze · 26/05/2019 10:57

So here's the dilemma, a while ago my son and I were joking about who could run the fastest and we are both convinced we could beat the other in a race over 100m. I was pregnant at the time so we set a date for a race on his 8th birthday which was nearly five months post birth.

In the build up to this date there has been a lot of bravado and chat about how he'll eat my dust and vice versa, all in good jest, but more recently the banter has been getting very competitive. He wants there to be a trophy and has even cleared room on his bedside table for it to go (when he inevitably wins).

The trouble is, I'm also super competitive and would love nothing more than to beat him just to prove I can, but I'm also mindful that he might be hurt or embarrassed if I do win. He is definitely fast for his age and I would have to go full pelt to be in with a chance of winning. My other half has always said they think he will win, but then didn't allow us to race on his birthday in case I won and it ruined the day. We're now a few weeks past his birthday and he is still persistently saying he wants to race.

Should I throw the race (if I'm winning which I acknowledge that I absolutely may not be!) to spare his feelings or should I beat him fair and square if I can? If he wins I am in no doubt that I will hear about it frequently, which if I've thrown the race would be hard to swallow. But I am a grown up (allegedly) so could do it if it's the right thing by him to do. He is a pretty sore loser generally (like most kids his age?) so in some ways I feel it might be good for him to lose (if I am genuinely able to beat him). Or is that just mean?!

Alternatively I could pull out and not allow the race to go ahead at all, but I am not sure this is the right thing to do either, given the length of build up and excitement about it.

What is the best thing to do?

OP posts:
Wellmet · 26/05/2019 11:01

I never 'let' kids win! It's insulting to them, they always know! If you beat him this year he'll train bloody hard to beat you next time.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 26/05/2019 11:04

You’ve built this up far too much and it is now a thing-why didn’t you just drop it? We have spur of the moment races but this sounds faintly ridiculous, sorry.
I’d let him win-and wouldn’t find it difficult to swallow-he’s 8!

WatcherintheRye · 26/05/2019 11:05

I wouldn't throw the race. If you do win, say to him "same time, same place next year". If it becomes an annual event, he's bound to beat you eventually!

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 26/05/2019 11:06

In normal circumstances I would let a child win but as this race is being taken so seriously and your child is so convinced he's going to win then I think you have to run it properly and not throw it. If you win it's a good lesson for him.
I can't imagine getting into such a competitive situation with an 8 yr old but then I'm least competitive person ever.
Do update us with the outcome.

freshstartnewme · 26/05/2019 11:08

I would let him win. This has been built up into something way bigger than it is, which means his reaction to the result is also likely to be ridiculously amplified.

zippey · 26/05/2019 11:08

I’d try my best till about 80 metres and if you are winning, let him go past you to win.

goodwinter · 26/05/2019 11:09

Haha, this is brilliantly bonkers. Give it your all OP, good luck & let us know!

goodwinter · 26/05/2019 11:10

If you do win, say to him "same time, same place next year". If it becomes an annual event, he's bound to beat you eventually!

Also this :)

Aimily · 26/05/2019 11:10

In with watcher, however, I think either way you should say same timer same place. It'll become a family tradition then and they're always fun.

FoxSquadKitten · 26/05/2019 11:11

Don't let him win.
He shouldn't be getting carried away with the thought that he's going to win, what if it was against a friend instead of you? They wouldn't let him win.
Beat him and then he'll try harder next time (If you can!)

slipperywhensparticus · 26/05/2019 11:11

I would make it as close as possible maybe a draw?

icecreamsundae32 · 26/05/2019 11:11

Run fairly! my eldest son and husband get super competitive like this and my husband would not throw the race under any circumstances lol he would say it doesn't teach the child anything and if they want to be the champion then they have to earn it. My son is usually a terrible loser with board games or races against peers or if he thinks someone has cheated (he has autism) but he is not a terrible loser when beaten in this situation as he knows it's fair and no one has cheated and he accepts he will try harder on the next occasion - he is really fast and easily beats me so he'd be annoyed and would know if my husband let him win!

Spinmynipplenuts · 26/05/2019 11:11

I never let kids win either!

Angie169 · 26/05/2019 11:12

I would throw the race but only just , let him win by a small margin but enough for it not to be a possible draw ,
That way in your heart ( and never to be said out loud to ANYONE ) you know you could of beat him , but he gets the glory of the win.

Perhaps this could lead on to you both going running together for fitness and fun purposes , I would imagine it would create a close bond between you.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 26/05/2019 11:13

If you do win, say to him "same time, same place next year". If it becomes an annual event, he's bound to beat you eventually!

Yes! Like the Geller Cup!

If your DC are competitive, you have an obligation to teach them how to win and lose gracefully. DC here are both very competitive when it comes to games and sports and it's been a tricky path to tread because being competitive is a good thing in that they push themselves, but terrible when they behave like dicks over a game of Monopoly (and they really, really do). Graceful winner, graceful loser, that's our family rule.

PositiveVibez · 26/05/2019 11:14

This is all a bit 'competitive dad' from The Fast Show 😂

Missillusioned · 26/05/2019 11:14

I definitely can't beat my 9 year old, no matter how hard I try. You may find there isn't much of a dilemma!

NottonightJosepheen · 26/05/2019 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HennyPennyHorror · 26/05/2019 11:16

My Mum could beat me when I was 14 and she was 40. I'll never forget the shock...and the pride of her thundering past me. Grin

I was also one of the fastest in my year at school.

Iggly · 26/05/2019 11:17

Hahahahaha this all sounds a bit ridiculous to be honest.

I wouldn’t have let it get this far but when my kids want to race me, I do put some effort in for a short distance just so that they know that it does take some work to be fast. Then they have something to aim for.

But I wouldn’t go all out to beat them - no need to humiliate them.

Oysterbabe · 26/05/2019 11:20

Don't let him win. Make sure he knows you will win if you can, I'm sure he's used to adults letting him win. He needs to understand that's not going to happen. Then try and take it on the chin when he trounces you.

Zebedee88 · 26/05/2019 11:20

Dont 'let's him win, run as fast as you can , if you win, make it an annual thing, he'll definitely will win soon!

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/05/2019 11:23

No don’t let him win. Maybe run the first 80 metres together and then beat him... if you can.

cabbagefordinner · 26/05/2019 11:26

I've no idea whether you should throw the race or not, (I wouldn't!) I just want to say thank you for not saying "loose the race". It's the one misspelling that really grinds my gears Wink

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 26/05/2019 11:27

This could be a lesson for you! There may be no reason to 'let' him win. He could genuinely beat you!

Nobody has ever beaten me playing scrabble. Well actually DP beat me once...whilst I was pushing our daughter out so that doesn't count.

My DD who was about 9ish at the time was confident she could beat me. I debated with myself whether I should let her win. My ego got the better of me and I decided I was going to play as usual. Big headed me and DD sat and played the most competitive game ever! Dp was watching, I had told my friends and family that my DD thought she could beat me - we all had a quiet laugh.
Match night, I lost the game for the first time ever! In fact she is the only person able to beat me.
I had to tell everybody that she beat me by 90 points! With a slightly bruised ego I was proud!

So, in my opinion, don't 'let' your child win, he could do it all on his own merit. If he loses that is a lesson for him to learn how to lose!