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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To race my 8 year old in the belief that I will win?

97 replies

Snoozysnuze · 26/05/2019 10:57

So here's the dilemma, a while ago my son and I were joking about who could run the fastest and we are both convinced we could beat the other in a race over 100m. I was pregnant at the time so we set a date for a race on his 8th birthday which was nearly five months post birth.

In the build up to this date there has been a lot of bravado and chat about how he'll eat my dust and vice versa, all in good jest, but more recently the banter has been getting very competitive. He wants there to be a trophy and has even cleared room on his bedside table for it to go (when he inevitably wins).

The trouble is, I'm also super competitive and would love nothing more than to beat him just to prove I can, but I'm also mindful that he might be hurt or embarrassed if I do win. He is definitely fast for his age and I would have to go full pelt to be in with a chance of winning. My other half has always said they think he will win, but then didn't allow us to race on his birthday in case I won and it ruined the day. We're now a few weeks past his birthday and he is still persistently saying he wants to race.

Should I throw the race (if I'm winning which I acknowledge that I absolutely may not be!) to spare his feelings or should I beat him fair and square if I can? If he wins I am in no doubt that I will hear about it frequently, which if I've thrown the race would be hard to swallow. But I am a grown up (allegedly) so could do it if it's the right thing by him to do. He is a pretty sore loser generally (like most kids his age?) so in some ways I feel it might be good for him to lose (if I am genuinely able to beat him). Or is that just mean?!

Alternatively I could pull out and not allow the race to go ahead at all, but I am not sure this is the right thing to do either, given the length of build up and excitement about it.

What is the best thing to do?

OP posts:
KnittingSister · 26/05/2019 12:39

Good luck ! And enjoy your ice creams Grin

Dana28 · 26/05/2019 12:39

I would be surprised if you can beat a fast 8 yo boy unless you train sprinting

Jimmy2345 · 26/05/2019 12:40

I think this has got way out of hand..... but you need to do it.
TBH if he’s a sore loser, maybe he needs a lesson in being a good loser as it will stand him in good stead for sports at school. Good luck OP 👍🏻 😁!

Kitsandkids · 26/05/2019 12:42

I raced my then 8 year old once. I definitely didn’t have to let him win. He was loads faster than me! But if I’d honestly been faster I wouldn’t have thrown it. Kids need to learn to celebrate others’ achievements as well as their own.

lottiegarbanzo · 26/05/2019 12:44

Run like the wind OP! Do not throw the race.

If you're fit you should be able to win this time. Not by the time he's 13 or 14 though.

He's old enough that 'being a bad loser' is not excusable. He needs to be helped to grow out of that fast.

I think it's really healthy for boys (who will become men) especially, but also all children who will grow up to work with 40+ year-olds and automatically assume they are somehow 'past it', to recognise that they are not naturally better than women (or older adults) at everything.

rightsideofherstory · 26/05/2019 12:44

Can't wait to see who won!

Angie169 · 26/05/2019 12:45

Have you raced yet ?
Did you throw it ?
Who won ?
By how much ?
Were you / him magnanimous in defeat ?

What flavor ice cream did you buy ?

DETAILS WE NEED DETAILS ! Grin

catzrulz · 26/05/2019 12:46

Absolutely you race, and win if you can!
An annual event sounds fab too.
Just remember, pics or it didn't happen 😊

lottiegarbanzo · 26/05/2019 12:47

As a fit older teen but not a good sprinter, I could out-sprint my younger brother until he was 12. I'd expect to be able to do the same at any point in young to middle-aged adulthood - if fit.

LookingGlassMilk · 26/05/2019 13:01

I did this with ds1 when he was 9. I was totally convinced I could beat him, but he beat me easily.

Botharms · 26/05/2019 13:21

Make an annual tradition and if he beat you take it as a wake-up call and make sure you win next year. You'll have 2 choices either get yourself fit or starve or over feed him.

TidyDancer · 26/05/2019 13:25

I wouldn't throw it. It teaches DS nothing. Children don't need to win at everything, they have to understand that not always coming first is normal.

JellyBook · 26/05/2019 13:33

Don’t let him win, but do prepare him for it, ie he needs to know you’re going to give it everything.

If he wins then remind him and let him know he won fair & square.

If you win then also remind him you didn’t go easy on him because you knew how good he was. And tell him it won’t be long before he can beat you easily.

UrsulaPandress · 26/05/2019 13:39

I always remember a spur of the monent race me and mum had when I was about 11. I was really surprised when she beat me but it is one of my fondest memories of her, seeing her speeding past me and laughing as the wind blew through her auburn hair.

Purpletigers · 26/05/2019 13:42

Don’t let him win. Part of being competitive is loosing graciously. It’s an important life skill .

MiniMum97 · 26/05/2019 13:44

Who won? 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♂️

Pearlfish · 26/05/2019 13:55

I want to know what happened!!!!

Purpleneonpinkunicorns · 26/05/2019 13:59

I'm just place marking to see how it went.

AppleKatie · 26/05/2019 14:00

Hope you won OP 😉

H2OH20Everywhere · 26/05/2019 14:04

Hope you won!

I rarely let kids win. If they have no chance (two year old trying to play snap) then yes, but other than that, no. They have to learn to lose. I've seen too many adults who were obviously indulged as children and it's not pretty.

NotSoThinLizzy · 26/05/2019 14:08

Good luck either way. Great tradition to do

KitKatCHA · 26/05/2019 14:09

Just here to see who the winner is Wink

Snoozysnuze · 26/05/2019 14:10

So the results are in!

As per some sage advice here we set some rules beforehand about race etiquette, and walked the race track (in our local park) to make sure we were both clear on where we were starting and finishing. If we're gonna do it, it's gotta be done properly. Grin

I was genuinely nervous as we lined up but I reacted faster than him to the start signal so got out in front. Ran as fast as I could and in the end was a few metres ahead of him. We shook hands, said "good race, good race" and I have to say I was really proud at how he handled being clearly beaten. No sulking, stomping or calling foul play.

Of course he then wanted to immediately race again, so we agreed a "race for fun" around the perimeter of the park which nearly finished me off completely!

So all was in good spirits (and I won! Tiny gloaty happy dance on here as being epitome of grown up gracious winner in real life 💪😂🥳) and we've agreed a re-run whenever he feels he is ready.

So thanks all, this morning I was pretty much going to pull the plug but after some insightful and very helpful posts I think I did the right thing. It won't be that long before he beats me I'm sure, but he'll have to work for it. Or just grow, that'll probably do the job too!

And there is a cornetto in the freezer for after his lunch, his favourite Star

Enjoy your bank holiday all!

OP posts:
Symbol · 26/05/2019 14:10

Don't let him win. Kids don't need to be protected from losing. If they never lose it makes losing into a bigger deal than it needs to be and that won't help them when they are adults. He may well best you fair and square. 8 year olds can be fast. Good luck!

Symbol · 26/05/2019 14:11

Just read the update. Well done to you both!

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