Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To race my 8 year old in the belief that I will win?

97 replies

Snoozysnuze · 26/05/2019 10:57

So here's the dilemma, a while ago my son and I were joking about who could run the fastest and we are both convinced we could beat the other in a race over 100m. I was pregnant at the time so we set a date for a race on his 8th birthday which was nearly five months post birth.

In the build up to this date there has been a lot of bravado and chat about how he'll eat my dust and vice versa, all in good jest, but more recently the banter has been getting very competitive. He wants there to be a trophy and has even cleared room on his bedside table for it to go (when he inevitably wins).

The trouble is, I'm also super competitive and would love nothing more than to beat him just to prove I can, but I'm also mindful that he might be hurt or embarrassed if I do win. He is definitely fast for his age and I would have to go full pelt to be in with a chance of winning. My other half has always said they think he will win, but then didn't allow us to race on his birthday in case I won and it ruined the day. We're now a few weeks past his birthday and he is still persistently saying he wants to race.

Should I throw the race (if I'm winning which I acknowledge that I absolutely may not be!) to spare his feelings or should I beat him fair and square if I can? If he wins I am in no doubt that I will hear about it frequently, which if I've thrown the race would be hard to swallow. But I am a grown up (allegedly) so could do it if it's the right thing by him to do. He is a pretty sore loser generally (like most kids his age?) so in some ways I feel it might be good for him to lose (if I am genuinely able to beat him). Or is that just mean?!

Alternatively I could pull out and not allow the race to go ahead at all, but I am not sure this is the right thing to do either, given the length of build up and excitement about it.

What is the best thing to do?

OP posts:
thetonsillolith · 26/05/2019 11:28

I love this. Race him and race to win!

EmpressLesbianInChair · 26/05/2019 11:31

My dad never let us win at anything as kids, which means I still remember my huge sense of achievement when I finally beat him at chess.

LetsSplashMummy · 26/05/2019 11:34

My mum always let us win, it wasn't until adulthood I stopped thinking she was a bit rubbish at everything.

Also, being a poor loser is a horrible trait, it's best to let them lose sometimes.

Whosorrynow · 26/05/2019 11:34

Well that's a tough one isn't it!
I think I'd like to throw in an arm wrestling competition as well

PushkarKali · 26/05/2019 11:35

Come on, Toby!

LarryGreysonsDoor · 26/05/2019 11:39

Race to win and turn it into an annual event.

It’ll give him the push to really beat you.

Paperplain · 26/05/2019 11:39

Don't let him win if you can run faster. It's insulting and he will know. My DD and I still have sprint races (she's 11) and I can still beat her (only just - I was a fast sprinter when I was younger and represented my county).

She usually takes it well but sometimes gets upset - I'm also v competitive. BUT the time when she will beat me is coming closer and closer and she can feel it - it's great! I will sometime soon be the upset one but the day she beats me is the day she beats me and she will feel great when it happens - and so will I!

alfagirl73 · 26/05/2019 11:41

Run fairly - don't throw the race. It's important for kids to learn sportsmanship - it's great for them to be competitive, and to have the drive and belief in themselves to win - but they must also learn how to lose with grace and use it to push themselves to do better next time. Equally, they must learn that when they do win, they do so with respect for their opponent(s) and to be graceful in their victory.

These are life skills that are important in all walks of life... I hated it as a kid if I knew someone had "let" me win something. It was a hollow victory and worse than losing.

NottonightJosepheen · 26/05/2019 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bungaloid · 26/05/2019 11:42

DESTROY HIM
These kids need to be put in their place.

Sandsnake · 26/05/2019 11:48

Definitely don’t let him win! Before the race agree ‘rules’ around conduct eg the winner and loser will congratulate one another etc. And also maybe arrange a nice thing to do as a family afterwards, like going for ice cream or dinner / BBQ. That way it will be about more than just the race itself.

Also - the idea of making it an annual fixture is brilliant (provided you win!). Could become a lovely thing and gives him the opportunity to beat you in the end!

over50andfab · 26/05/2019 11:49

I think that generally schools don’t foster enough of a competitive spirit (my experience with my DC anyway). So it’s up to us to make that part of their life - to strive to be better.

I’m with the other posters who say defo don’t let him win and make it an annual event...of course if he wins then you will have to train harder!

I agree to some sort of token prize, perhaps not a cup but something a bit silly but still meaningful?

And of course, you absolutely have to tell us who won...bank holiday every year sounds perfect for a race 😀

howabout · 26/05/2019 11:53

Chances of you being capable of beating him are minute imho.

herculepoirot2 · 26/05/2019 11:55

Just race him. Who cares who wins? He will beat you in the end.

Aprillygirl · 26/05/2019 11:57

Lol I love this! Run like the clappers OP and may the best man kid/ult win!

StoppinBy · 26/05/2019 11:58

Nope, go ahead and do your best, it's not over til one of you wins it and you never know what's going to happen, maybe you will trip or he will do better than you think.... or maybe you will win just as you imagine.

It's good for kids to learn they can't always win and surely there is no better teachers than his parents as long as you aren't always setting them up to lose.

SirVixofVixHall · 26/05/2019 11:58

Well I had a father who was a very good chess player, and when he taught me to play, he never let me win, because he thought it was patronising. This actually boosted my confidence with chess, as I felt he thought of me as any other opponent.
Letting him win is cheating, so I would just race fair and square, it is his choice after all . Also I agree to “same time, same place next year” as he will eventually beat you, and it will be a family tradition”
Winner buys ice-creams for everyone.

SunshineSpring · 26/05/2019 12:00

I cant beat my 8 or 10 yr olds over that distance (well, i did beat the then 7 yr old, but he had just raced his big brother over 2km when I yelled ready steady go and ran.... I was in sandals and jeans, but did it . Just.)
Don't throw it. If you (very unlikely) are miles ahead, slow down, but still win.
I probably could win over a much longer distance (5-10km) because those are distances I end in, and they don't. But 100m? I'll be way behind.

Siameasy · 26/05/2019 12:02

This is great. I’m quite competitive too - I would race him and hope to win but I was quite fast at 100m around that age so who knows! He could beat you. Should be great fun anyway!

alittleprivacy · 26/05/2019 12:05

My DS is 6, I let him win about 2/3s of the time. I beat him sometimes to let him get used to losing and if he ever gets overly snotty about being the best, I beat him on principle. The fact is that apart from some brief upcoming 'sweetspot' physical competition between us will never be fair. Right now I'm a pretty fit adult, I'm taller than him and have much, much more muscle mass. In the past and at present I will always win if I want to and it's never a fair competition.

I'm also a small woman and he's male and likely to get taller than me in the next few years and his youth will become an advantage. He's an excellent, light on his feet runner while I'm naturally a heavy plodder. He'll be capable of beating me in every race we ever do before too long. The point of competition between us is as pointless as any one of us racing against Usain Bolt. So it's nothing to get worked up about or stressed over. Racing is a game we play for his fun and no other reason. If it's not just silly fun or at least done with a lesson in mind, then it's just weird and stupid tbh. It would be like me being proud of how much better a skater I am than all of the little kids that skid about on the rink.

QueenKubauOfKish · 26/05/2019 12:05

The thing is you've got to start having a fair contest at some point! I know a 9yo whose parents still let her win (at board games, races etc) and she expects it and now can't handle it if another child beats her. So you're doing him a favour to have an honest race and make that clear. I like the ice creams idea as that softens the blow. (If he wins he wouldn't have to pay for them, just help to get them?)

I have always won scrabble against my teen, but he couldn't bear it if he thought I was throwing it. He's learning and getting better and still wants to play!

Snoozysnuze · 26/05/2019 12:29

You're welcome cabbage! 😊

Thank you all for your responses, an annual event had been suggested already actually if I was to win so think that might be a way forward. We used to arm wrestle when he was a lot younger and I always let him win but it feels different now he is older enough to learn how to lose gracefully.

Just this minute my other half, son and baby have arrived back and he has immediately asked to go and do the race! I've just had a nap (disturbed night with coldy baby) and have just fed her so there is probably no better time to have a go!

Wish me luck! Or him! Or us!

OP posts:
powershowerforanhour · 26/05/2019 12:35

Race to win and I hope everyone enjoys the ice cream afterwards :-)

bridgetreilly · 26/05/2019 12:37

Do not throw the race. I mean, don't beat him by miles, even if you could, but if you're able to win, win.

And then make it an annual thing until he beats you.

PristineCondition · 26/05/2019 12:39

Let us know who wins!