DP giving me the silent treatment, WWYD?

[Pleasespeaktome]

I've messed up, and it's all my fault. DP is angry and hurt, we've been together 4 years and we don't live together yet. I haven't spoken to him since Wednesday. I texted him yesterday asking how he's feeling and he replied "Fine". I tried calling him, because I just want to speak about the situation instead of ignoring each other but he refuses to pick up the phone.

I can't take it anymore, it's draining. I just want to speak about it, what would you do? Keep contacting him or just leave him alone?

Depends on what you’ve done really?

How did you mess up? Are we talking cheating here or something else?

What did you do that is all your fault?

Well I would permanently leave him alone!

If it was minor and he is ignoring you, then he is not very nice.
If it was major, well you obviously did it for a reason and knew he wouldn't be happy, so why did you do it?
It's over.
Don't waste your time being guilty.

NEXT.

Well it's going to depend on whether you did something minor or whether you've gone out and shagged someone else. No one can advise without knowing what you've actually done.

Depending on what's happened to cause his lack of response I would send him one last message just saying you're sorry he's hurt you love him and will speak to him on Monday and then just leave him alone for the weekend?

Or turn up and his front door with a takeaway and a movie this evening?

What actually happened?

Give him some space. He will come round when he’s ready. Keep yourself occupied

I'd want to speak to him too. I hate the silent treatment. But depending what you did, he might need some time

what have you actually done? Was it deliberate? Was it really all your fault or has he just trained you to feel that way when anything goes wrong?

nobody's perfect. Messing up is part of life. Depends what it is though.

Interestingly, if you live apart how is DP, rather just BF?

What happened? Ignoring you is pretty childish of him

What did you do? There's a big difference in what you should do depending on what you did that he's upset about (and whether he's in any way valid being this upset - although the silent treatment is bad form either way).

Does he often give you the silent treatment?

No no cheating, there were something I hadn't told him yet and we were at an event, mutual friend told him and DP was angry, felt like an idiot and left. Nothing major, just upset that he had to find out from mutual friend instead of me. That's all, but I can't take the silent treatment anymore. We haven't spoken since Wednesday, surely he's calmed down by now? I feel like in a way he's milking the situation, the more I call the more he ignores me etc

I'd send a message calling him childish to antagonise him into a nice cathartic argument.

He’s being a fucking man baby, you’ve done nothing wrong, bin him off.

Depends in what you did to hurt him.

Made an ill timed but lighthearted joke about his thinning hair and he's still sulking after 4 days - HIBU.

He found out you shagged his brother last week and needs time apart to process the pain and consider if he can carry on - HINBU.

In that case I'd send one last text pointing out that giving someone the silent treatment is what small children and childish adults do. I couldn't be dealing with a relationship like that.

Does he have form for immature behaviour?

If it's a minor thing then this would be making me call into question the whole relationship - I don't deal well with people being like this.

But if it was something like you'd been married previously / had kids / been in prison then I'd understand him needing time to process it.

Cross post!

Give him some more space. Men are so different to women and space is how they process, if you try and force him before he's ready to talk it won't make the situation better. Maybe you think the situation isn't a big deal but he obviously does and he's entitled to his feelings considering he didn't do anything wrong.
If you haven't heard from him in a couple of days send him a simple message saying if he thinks he will be ready to talk soon because you'd like to hear how he is feeling etc, you'll get a more positive response if you convey you are concerned about his feelings, not just frustrated because you want to talk.

Stop responding.
He’s trying to control your behaviour. He sounds super-childish for stropping off from the event and then ignoring you. To be honest i’d Be questioning the whole relationship, he sounds hard work

Maybe you think the situation isn't a big deal but he obviously does and he's entitled to his feelings considering he didn't do anything wrong.

This. Absolutely this.

Give him the space he needs.

Firstly I would stop responding and leave him to contact you. You have reached out, don't flog yourself to death.

It does really depend what you didn't tell him - is it a serious thing?

He sounds like a controlling arse. What exactly is this thing you hadn't told him yet?

The silent treatment is actually considered a form of emotional abuse. Does he have form for this?

www.aconsciousrethink.com/5547/silent-treatment-abuse/