DP giving me the silent treatment, WWYD?

[Pleasespeaktome]

I've messed up, and it's all my fault. DP is angry and hurt, we've been together 4 years and we don't live together yet. I haven't spoken to him since Wednesday. I texted him yesterday asking how he's feeling and he replied "Fine". I tried calling him, because I just want to speak about the situation instead of ignoring each other but he refuses to pick up the phone.

I can't take it anymore, it's draining. I just want to speak about it, what would you do? Keep contacting him or just leave him alone?

No one can answer until you stop being so evasive.
What happened that he didn't know? Spit it out.

Hmm, I don't buy 'needing space'. It's crap. He's punishing you. If he wasn't punishing you, he'd respond better than to just say 'fine'. He'd say something like "I'm feeling hurt, and I need some time to process it. I'll get back to you soon."

However you have discovered something very valuable. THIS is his way of dealing with conflict. And you can't cope with it. You shouldn't HAVE to cope with it.

Depends what it was you didn't tell him to an extent.

Unless it was something really major then he needs to stop acting like a twat.

Give him time and space - dont call him. He sounds immature and controlling to be honest. The silent treatment is so childish.

Don't txt him anymore i'd leave him alone, he's acting like a child, if he won't discuss the situationin then let him get on with it, i couldn't be bothered with a man child.

I don't agree with silent treatment.

However, if what happened is over & done, I also don't think that he should have to talk to you about it if he doesn't want to.

But he should be communicating that.

Situation

No no cheating, there were something I hadn't told him yet and we were at an event, mutual friend told him and DP was angry, felt like an idiot and left.

It does all rather depend on what the actual thing was.

Not telling him that you shagged his dad last weekend - he has probably got a point

Not telling him you broke his favourite mug - he is being a twat.

The silent treatment is actually considered a form of emotional abuse.

Well it shouldn't be. It's how many people legitimately process situations they find difficult. It may be in some cases, but as of me typing this, the OP has given no indication that this should be the first assumption.

If you arent going to give information nothing can help.

Theres a huge difference depending if its
'I stole some sweets from the shop when I was 5'

Or

'Actually I did have lots if sex with my Male best friend, who I told you I never fancied and nothing ever happened with and who I share a bed with when we see eachother'

Is it something you need to apologise for or explain? If so (and you haven’t already - you probably have), maybe one more message, saying something like you’d welcome the chance to talk about this over the next day or so but understand if he wants to leave it. Then no more contact unless he does. However, just totally ignoring him could also be a valid option particularly if he’s using silence as a control method.

I would ignore him until he decided to contact me. Then i would bin him and ignore him permanently.
I can't stand sulky people, let alone adults who try to punish someone by giving them the devils cough.

Silentbtrearment can be used as a form of abuse.

Or it can be people needing space.

The same as wanting to talk something out is fine. Trying consistenly trying force someone to talk things through when they have asked for space, could abusive.

The problem with abuse is that it's not always black and white.

I don't really know why so many people seem to be jumping on the "it's controlling" "it's childish" "it's emotional abuse" because he hasn't wanted to chat and just forget about whatever has upset him.
Maybe he's really upset and doesn't want to talk until he knows he's not going to say anything out or anger etc.
I just feel like if it was reversed people would be advising a woman to give herself space, not to running to talk to the man on his terms etc. Some unfair assumptions being made about a man who's obvious found out (probably) bad information.

Imo, stop contacting him. I would text first and say when he is ready to talk then he knows where you are and then leave it at that.

Yep, we need to know what the offence was so we can weigh up.

One of my ex partners would withdraw/ give me the cold shoulder for months. Sometimes I didn't even know why. Its abusive.

I think 3 days of silent treatment is excessive.
If it's bad he needs to say he needs some time to process it, making you suffer is shitty and not a good indicator for the future.
If be inclined to do what @Showed it said .

• @WhoWasIt bloody autocorrect

My dh used to use the silent treatment until i showed him i couldnt give a shit. So i pretended to that he wasnt there. He stopped doing it.

Needing some time to process something is fine but this has been going on since Wednesday and the OP has implied that it wasn't a major revelation.

*The silent treatment is actually considered a form of emotional abuse.

Well it shouldn't be. It's how many people legitimately process situations they find difficult*

It is not healthy to react with the silent treatment . We get that people are upset and need to cool down but if your anger is such that you cannot have a rational discussions after days then it is at a toxic level.
If you can't articulate your hurt or upset and find a way forward in a few days then the likelihood is the stonewaller is using silence as punishment.
A relationship can't function healthily if there is no communication. If you go silent then you are creating an unhealthy dynamic. Cooling down and allowing some time is fine but it can't be open ended or else and suiting only one person's timeframe. That is controlling.

Why is this man's hurt greater than the Ops need to have not shared the information.
Given this isn't cheating then the OP is likely to have a rational reason for not sharing some info and her "partner" isn't interested in what that is. He is just focussing on himself.

OP, honestly this is such a red flag as he doesn't care enough about you or the relationship to try and communicate. It is all about him and I suspect this isn't the first red flag??

@Justathinslice Yes what you're describing is abusive.
But someone not wanting to talk for a few days for a reason she is well aware is her fault is not abuse.

Move on. Life is too short to deal with a precious, self-obsessed manipulative manchild like this. I bet this isn't the first time he's flunced and sulked over something quite minor, and only condescended to 'forgive' you when you're absolutely grovelling at his feet.
People who are 'easily' hurt/offended are generally shitbags - they are very sensitive about their own feelings and completely uninterested in the feelings of others.

And the only way to deal with someone like this is ignore the sulks until they make contact with you (if they don't then they are no loss) and then go 'Oh, were you sulking? I hadn't noticed.'

Yeah what a manchild not liking to be lied to/have information withheld from him.
God, he should really just accept any kind of treatment thrown at him and DAMN HIM if he acts in any way other than perfection.
🙄