Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to a party if I can't afford a donation

108 replies

brizzlemint · 25/05/2019 12:49

Would you go if you can't afford the charity donation that the hosts have asked for in lieu of gifts or cards?

OP posts:
Alb1 · 25/05/2019 12:50

I would, if they just wanted to specifically raise money for that charity they would have held a fundraiser instead of a party

MotherofaCat · 25/05/2019 12:51

No because if you cant afford the donation then you probably cant effort to buy drinks/ get a taxi etc?

janetforpresident · 25/05/2019 12:51

It depends. Is it an event specifically organised to support the charity? Or is it a birthday party and they've said something along the lines of "we don't want any presents but if you would like to make a donation to x charity that would be lovely"
I wouldn't go to the first one without making a donation but think it's fine to got to the second one.

Original poster
brizzlemint · 25/05/2019 12:52

Drinks are provided and I live near enough to walk there.

OP posts:
Original poster
brizzlemint · 25/05/2019 12:52

It's for a wedding anniversary.

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 25/05/2019 12:55

No I wouldn't. Unfair to accept the hospitality and offer nothing in return. Even for dinner at a friends house I'd take a bottle etc but a wedding anniversary party I'd always expect to take a gift.

Celebelly · 25/05/2019 12:57

I think it's fine. It's not an entry fee! And when I invite someone to a party it's because I want to spend time with them, not to get something out of them. In this case it sounds like it's just a 'in lieu of gifts donate' kind of thing, which isn't mandatory. When you're in a better financial position, chuck a few quid their way Smile

legolimb · 25/05/2019 12:58

Yes. It's a party for their anniversary.

The charity donation is a gift. i. e. Optional.

Foxmuffin · 25/05/2019 12:59

Aslong as there’s no charity raffles etc where it’s really awkward and you have to stick £20 in an envelope on the table.

SherlockHolmes · 25/05/2019 13:02

It's a party, they've invited you. Not because they want your money but because they want you there.

They've probably only asked for charity donations so they don't get inundated with unwanted gifts.

Go and enjoy yourself.

Isleepinahedgefund · 25/05/2019 13:03

Unless the donation is actually an entrance fee, I'd still go.

janetforpresident · 25/05/2019 13:04

I think it's fine. Why don't you make a mental note to donate to their chosen charity when you are next in a position to do so.

Justmuddlingalong · 25/05/2019 13:07

They've suggested a charity donation in lieu of a gift. Make the donation online when you can afford it, but don't let low funds stop you from going to the party. I'm sure your friends/family would still be glad you went.

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 25/05/2019 13:10

I think it's fine to go.

Did they specify an amount?

I'm sure the couple just want to celebrate with you.

Purplecatshopaholic · 25/05/2019 13:13

They have invited you. Therefore they want you there. Go and have a great time!

mysteryfairy · 25/05/2019 13:13

Have they asked for a specific amount? In my experience people generally just have a collection box of some sort so there’s no knowing who has given what. Take an anniversary card and just drop a couple of pounds in.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 25/05/2019 13:15

I absolutely would, because if I was the one throwing that party I would be horrified if a friend felt they couldn't attend for that reason.

cuppycakey · 25/05/2019 13:15

Yes of course!!!

BigChocFrenzy · 25/05/2019 13:16

I'd check in advance the expected method and timing of any donation

You may find they have a Just Giving page you are expected to sign up to, or your namee will be mud,
or even something at the party when it would put you on the spot

Or of ccourse, they aren't really bothered and just used the charity donation route to avoid unwanted presents.

BigChocFrenzy · 25/05/2019 13:20

It's like attending an anniversary or wedding when you can't afford a present / donation

Some people just want you for friendship, but other hosts could be offended and you get talked about.

Only you know your friends - ask if unsure

Pppppppp1234 · 25/05/2019 13:22

Wouldn’t you have spent a tenner on a bottle of sparkly? You wouldn’t turn up there without a present, so that tenner would be the donation

Original poster
brizzlemint · 25/05/2019 13:24

You may find they have a Just Giving page you are expected to sign up to, or your namee will be mud,

I hadn't thought of that. They do have a JG page. I can't ask as that will put them on the spot and I already don't know anybody else going. I'm going to send apologies.

OP posts:
TheInvestigator · 25/05/2019 13:35

We did this for an anniversary. We didn't need or want presents, but people kept saying they had to get us something so we said on the invites that if you really want to give a gift please make a donation to any of the following charities. We didn't care if they did it or didn't do it; we just didn't want a pile of gift cards or stuff we'd never use. They really don't care!

PeoniesarePink · 25/05/2019 13:35

No I wouldn't go. It would be rude to accept their hospitality and not donate something as they've asked.

TheInvestigator · 25/05/2019 13:37

And if they do bring it up then just tell them that you didn't realise there was a just giving page so you donated directly to the charity!!! You won't go to hell for saying that.
It's a party you've been invited too. You don't need to pay anything to anyone for that.