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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you private rent your life should not be dictated to by the landlord whose mortgage you are paying

999 replies

Nursejackie1 · 25/05/2019 08:54

So many of us are stuck in private renting with no choice paying over the odds, while landlords are making a mint. Most landlords have all these rules that you can’t decorate without permission, can’t even put a wall hanging up without asking. Often can’t or need permission to have pets, have regular inspections. I pay loads for my home and due to that cannot save a deposit. My kids have never had their bedrooms decorated in the way I would like.. having to stick with plain magnolia. Why should somebody else decide whether my kids get to grow up with a family pet or not? AIBU to think that if you are paying somebodies mortgage for them then while you are in that house you should be able to treat it as your own within reason and not have your life dictated to and controlled by them?

OP posts:
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madcatladyforever · 27/05/2019 11:21

I'm not living in my own home as I'm divorced and cannot afford the mortgage any more so I'm living in a shithole rented flat and renting my house out for a year until it can be sold because I cannot face trying to buy and sell and start a new job miles away at the same time. It has to be done in stages.
When I fo and sell my house I don't want to find my newly skimmed (£500 a room) walls drilled into or the bedrooms painted horrible colours or the beautiful garden I spent many years creating an overgrown nightmare. It will take loads off the price.
I offered a very cheap rent, just to cover the mortgage well below market rental price as long as the tenants keep it exactly the way it is and a gardner goes in to do the garden at my expense.
I've also told them it's short term as the house will be sold in a year.
I don't think you can be any fairer than that.

Inliverpool1 · 27/05/2019 11:23

@madcatladyforever you need to do three monthly inspections because I did exactly the same and got bitten on the arse. £10,000 it’ll cost me to put it all right

NailsNeedDoing · 27/05/2019 11:23

For the lifelong renter there are precious few benefits. Or perhaps more accurately the negatives significantly outweigh them.

But they do exist, so for anyone that's really hating the fact that they have to rent, it's worth acknowledging and appreciating the benefits just for the sake of ones own happiness.

WhiteDust · 27/05/2019 11:24

Your last long post suggests that the real problem you have is that you can't afford to buy in a nice area so have to rent there instead. If you were to buy, you would only be able to afford a much less desirable area.

I think not being able to decorate isn't really your issue. You resent the fact you can't afford to buy in the area you live whereas landlords can.

Life ain't fair.

NailsNeedDoing · 27/05/2019 11:26

I want a home for my money. Is that too much ask? Seems it is

When you only want the benefits with none of the risk and responsibility, then yeah, it is too much to ask considering the place belongs to someone else.

Original poster
Nursejackie1 · 27/05/2019 11:28

Nope. My problem is simple. I believe that whatever your situation if you are paying for a home then that’s what it should be. I don’t think the system is fair but have made the choice to rent long term as my only other option is a life I am not prepared to give my children. People are looking for things I am not saying. People paying for a home to live in should be able to live in it as if it is their home within reason. It’s very basic.

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 27/05/2019 11:28

it's worth acknowledging and appreciating the benefits just for the sake of ones own happiness.

Or they could get angry and channel that anger into campaigning for change.

I think that’s preferable to the ‘haves’ telling the ‘havenots’ to be grateful for oh, I don’t know, not having to clean the windows (posted as a benefit upthread) when they’re looking into such economic uncertainty Hmm

Tobe123 · 27/05/2019 11:28

inliverpool1 I mean luck as in you can get 2 working couples, one couple have a lower wage but they work their arses off, working overtime and trying to cut back and do the best they can but their savings just won't stretch, the other working couple then get given a deposit by parents which means that is obviously luck, it is not through choice and it is not through working any harder than the other couple. The thing is your daughter working in the takeaway is good that she is actually working at that age and I'm sure she won't be doing that type of job forever but in years to come she will be the target of half these comments of should have got a better paid job etc but I'm sure right now in her life she isn't thinking of things that will happen in her 30s

53rdWay · 27/05/2019 11:28

When you only want the benefits with none of the risk and responsibility

That's a very rosy view of renting. With that approach I assume you rent privately yourself?

iolaus · 27/05/2019 11:32

I've never rented but I assumed the 'rules' would be similar to how they were growing up in military houses - there was a short list of acceptable paint colours - all very neutral, the house had to be handed back in good condition with those colours

Could paint it what you liked as long as you put it back to how it was meant to be at handover

Rooftree · 27/05/2019 11:32

Laurie, you just keep quoting the windows if it makes you feel good.
You’re ignoring the boiler, kitchen, cooker, washing machine, all the things that can cost a lot of money

NailsNeedDoing · 27/05/2019 11:33

People paying for a home to live in should be able to live in it as if it is their home within reason. It’s very basic

But you can live in it as if it's your home. You can come and go as you please, do what you want, put what you want in all the rooms. The only thing you can't do is change the property in a way that will cost money to put back to its original state. It's not anywhere near as bad a deal as you're making out.

And it's really not basic! It would be, if all tenants could be trusted, but they can't. And as the government washes its hands of the problem of bad tenants, they are the two things you should blame for your predicament instead of your landlord.

Oceanbliss · 27/05/2019 11:36

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/money/2018/apr/21/renting-property-how-does-it-compare-around-the-world

Nursejackie1 I think the above linked article might interest you. Renting is a different experience in other countries.

LaurieMarlow · 27/05/2019 11:40

Laurie, you just keep quoting the windows if it makes you feel good.

Well you brought them up Wink

You’re ignoring the boiler, kitchen, cooker, washing machine, all the things that can cost a lot of money

I don’t know anyone who’s renting because they don’t want the responsibility or hassle of those costs, do you?

The bottom line is the benefits of life long renting are very small. The negatives are quite significant. Seeking to minimise this point is disingenuous.

Oceanbliss · 27/05/2019 11:42

I just want to add that I agree with you. As long as a tenant when vacating restores the house or unit to the original condition upon moving in then I see no reason why they shouldn't have the freedom to decorate the home, have a pet etc.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/05/2019 11:43

People paying for a home to live in should be able to live in it as if it is their home within reason. It’s very basic

You can live in it, put your things in it etc. What you can't do is change the decor to your tastes.

You can't have it all with a rented place. You choose to rent so have to acknowledge that.

If being able to own so you could have children's brightly coloured bedrooms etc then you either have to accept a cheaper area or ensure the home is there pre children. It's easier ore children as more options to save, live very cheaply as can house share etc and work all the hours needed to get the deposit together. No one I know was gifted the deposit for their home, they all did similar and worked for it.

NailsNeedDoing · 27/05/2019 11:43

That's a very rosy view of renting. With that approach I assume you rent privately yourself?

I ave done in the past, I don't now. Now I am a landlord, who takes a risk with every new tenant and who has a responsibility towards them, and towards the other people that live in the block where my flat is. I appreciate the position I'm in, but as many others here have pointed out, it's not all sitting back and watching piles of someone else's money build up while doing nothing. Personally, I don't see the big deal with tenants putting nails in the wall for pictures. It just means that the next tenant has somewhere to hang their pictures without having to ask.

WhiteDust · 27/05/2019 11:44

People paying for a home to live in should be able to live in it as if it is their home within reason. It’s very basic.

It's not your house. Someone else has invested their money and bought it. You are renting it so it's not yours to do with as you like.
Even leasing a car has rules attached to it. The car isn't yours so you can't adapt it, spray it or drive it over a certain mileage. The reason is : you don't own it. Someone else does.
Same goes with anything hired, rented, leased.
/rɛnt/* verb*: pay someone for the use of (something, typically property, land, or a car).occupy temporarily, live in temporarily;

Inliverpool1 · 27/05/2019 11:46

@Tobe123 you miss the point, even at 16 she knows there are better options if she’s not happy and she took one of those better options and left the takeaway. And yes she is thinking about the life she’ll have at 30 hence she’s working to stay out of debt whilst studying. I don’t think you give enough people credit. I don’t deny half of life is luck, but you’ve still got to utilise that luck too so we’ll agree on 25% which means there’s another 25% who have exactly the same opportunity and stuff it up.

ginghamtablecloths · 27/05/2019 11:53

You can't really treat the place as your own as it isn't your own. It belongs to someone else and it's tough if his rules aren't to your satisfaction. That is probably not the answer your'e looking for but that's the way it is, I'm afraid.

Tobe123 · 27/05/2019 11:54

inliverpool1 no I don't think you give poeple enough credit from your original post of not having a baby first and buying when it's not that easy to just save. Some people I agree stuff it up and some people don't. To be honest I think we half agree with eachother in the end!

Original poster
Nursejackie1 · 27/05/2019 12:02

i think There is massive lack of understanding here. It’s very different knowing you are somewhere temporary and are able to work towards getting your own place. For renters and the landlords there should be respect on both sides, I have already said that, once the tenant has shown they pay on time are looking after the house etc then it’s only fair that they get enough leeway to be able to treat the house like their home. As I have already said I am talking decorating a kids room, hanging pictures etc not knowing doesn’t walls and building monstrous extensions. And I would be happy to return the property to it’s or state upon leaving. Instead most of the experiences I have had is the general like it or lump it attitude many have on here and this whole well it’s your choice etc.... it’s not much of a choice really is it?

OP posts:
NailsNeedDoing · 27/05/2019 12:06

You also have the choice to ask if you can decorate, you have the choice to offer a higher deposit if you want a pet, you can offer reassurances that you will return the property to its original state if you decorate, but none of those choices seem to be good enough for you.

doesthiseemright · 27/05/2019 12:12

When you think about it, renting has more advantages. I mean, imagine being able to not have to pay for a new boiler, a broken shower, light switches etc. We actually rented our own home put whilst abroad for a few years and these are some of the things we paid for. £700 for a new shower which was new when we left.
I get that people want to make their nest their home, and I rented for many years with no chance of redecorating etc, but I guess its just finding that landlord who is open to it.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 27/05/2019 12:12

But you need to acknowledge that for a lot of landlords the issues don't arise until the time to leave. When they don't return to the property to its original condition. Or when the works done a frankly shit. This costs huge amounts of money and time. So why would anyone put themselves in that position again?