Family dilemma: PLEASE HELP!

[Mum4891]

My husband and I have a baby. We both have FT jobs and I am the main breadwinner. I LOVE my job and have good career progression opportunities. My husband hates his job and applied for a job in another country. When we went there, I didn’t like it and said no immediately. I allowed myself to be coerced into saying yes as he’d be unhappy if we remained where we are, and I can be a FT mum. However, I have now realized that I have made a huge mistake. The thought of moving there fills me with doom and I feel like I have ruined my life. People keep saying “you can always move back” but my job will be gone by then and it’s very rare to have jobs in my line of work advertised where we live.
I have shared this with my husband and feel awful as I’ve thrown a gigantic spanner in the works. We are now at stalemate where he refuses to stay here and I am filled with dread and sadness at the thought of moving. I feel like we have completely different life goals and I don’t know how we can reconcile this. How can we find a compromise?

Plenty of families have to live apart for a period and do manage - the furthest I know of is South Africa and the U.K. his job is technically based in the U.K. admittedly but he spends 9 months plus a year there flying out for 3-4 weeks at a time, during school holidays his wife and daughter travel out there.

There's lots of family set ups but one where you always resent moving or him staying is bound to end in heartache. I suspect if you did try for a year with him living overseas either you would come to like it there or he would choose to move back.

No way!

As PP have said, if you split, you will be stuck there unless you come back without your DC. It's all very well people saying "you can always come back" but would they want to leave their DC in a foreign country? Is it a Hague Convention country?

If he would rather live abroad then off he goes.....

Don't go.
He can "commute", you and DC can go and visit him.

You can both live & work in separate countries for a while.

DH & I did this without any long-term damage to the family, for 18 months.

Do not move to another country where you will be financially dependant on another person unless you are 110% up for it.

I've have seen it work for some and not other. The ones it worked for were the ones that had no reservations about going.

What if he gets there and hates that job too? The most I would agree to in your situation is if he is really keen he goes for a year to try living in another country and sees if he does like it. Then you both reassess your options. Don't go or you will resent him if it doesn't work out, don't stop him going or he'll resent you for not letting him give it a go.

Who will DC live with if / when you are in different countries?

If you move and hate it, you may not be able to take your DC and move back home without his permission. Once a child is normally resident somewhere you need both parents permission to move them.

Don't go!

No - do not give up your job. Your DH sounds unreasonable and if he grows more so, you won't have any fallback security. Aren't there laws in some countries where you wouldn't be bale to leave with the child unless he said so? Do not put yourself in that position. He has already shown he puts his desires over yours.

I am a trailing spouse expat wife. Don't do it!!

I gave up my job and moved because at the time I wanted to more than my husband wanted to and a job move came up that allowed us to live on one salary. We moved again and one more time each time chipped away at my chances of getting my old career back and with it disappeared the benefits of being a SAHM / expat wife. We are now stuck, DH hates his job and I have no chance of filling in gap if I went back to work now despite having been the bigger earner before.

Has he even got a job offer? Unless I've mis-read, it doesn't say he has a job just hellbent on moving country.
Even if he has a job offer, there's still no guarantee he could take it up if it's US based (happened to us). I would have been the trailing partner with 2 kids in tow and I also have a very good job here. We stayed and it has been for the best.
He sounds like he could do with some sort of counselling to get to the root of the problem at current employment as this smacks of running away to where the grass is perceived to be greener. I would not go.