Selfish “D” P

[SelfishDP]

So, I know I’m not BU but really need to have a rant before my head explodes!

We have a baby who is almost 6 months old - fortunately a really good easy baby
However, I have not had even half hour off from him to myself yet, even has to come with me when I have a shower
P hasn’t dressed him or bathed him or anything
He goes out 2 nights a week for 2 1/2 hours for his hobby and has been out tonight since 5pm in the pub - kicked off at me earlier as I asked how long he was going to be - apparently I’m out of order asking this question ?!
Tonight has particularly pissed me off as the baby has been poorly - crying, sick, poorly tummy etc and he’s still not bothered to come back to help
And when I said to him earlier it’s unfair that he does what he wants when he wants and he never has the baby so I can have an hour or so to myself to do something he told me that i shouldn’t have had the baby if I didn’t want to look after him! Don’t get me wrong, I love being with the baby but ffs, 24/7 for nearly 6 months!
This is all on top of the fact that I do everything in the house, all the admin for his business and run a livery yard - tonight for example I’ve been up and down fields with the baby in the buggy fetching horses in
When I try and tell him that’s its unfair and it’s really pissing me off he just tells me to stop moaning and he doesn’t have to tell me what he’s doing or explain himself to me?! And I’m really getting on his nerves by saying anything
And that he doesn’t need to look after the baby because dads don’t do that?!
Er, yes they do?!
I’m such a positive get in with it type person but it’s starting to wear me down tbh, I feel like I never stop - I’ve been on since 5am this morning , the baby has been poorly since about 6pm, only just gone to sleep and now I can’t sleep as I think I’ve gone past it
I was busy the whole time through my pregnancy and never stopped since the baby arrived - I’m nearly a stone lighter than I was before I got pregnant!
The sad thing is is that I’ve always absolutely loved him to bits but I’m starting to lose it a bit now with all this attitude, clearly me and the baby aren’t very high up on his priority list
I know loads of u will say LTB but that easier said than done when finances are complicated, animals to consider, don’t actually want to break up the family 😞

Well done if you’ve managed to read all if that- think it’s come out in a bit of a jumble

Definitely agree that you should not put up with this selfish man's unreasonable behaviour. I'm intrigued that you mention 'animals to consider'. I'm no expert on horses, but would it really matter to them if you left? Or if your so-called partner left?

Are you married? If not then financially you are going to have a much lower standard of living initially if you split up. You cant make him change. Only change how you go about things.

If you want to sat I would try leaving his baby with him for short amounts of time and build this up.

tonight for example I’ve been up and down fields with the baby in the buggy fetching horses in That's bloody stupid.

Do you own the horses? Sell them. It will provide you with a little cash to make your own life.

Can you move in with family? You’re basically a single mum already. Leaving will only be an economic hardship, but I’m certain you will overcome that.

OP, you’ve posted about him before. He was a nasty waste of space before and, amazingly, he hasn’t had a personality transplant. He doesn’t love you. You don’t really love him - you’ll realise this when you’re living your own life and not as his skivvy.

Do whatever it takes to extricate yourself and your baby from this horrible situation. Much better to be a single parent in charge of her own destiny than constantly let down by a selfish, loveless partner.

Leading a horse whilst pushing a buggy is bloody dangerous, please stop doing it!!!

Surely you just park the buggy then go and get horses?

Why should he change you won't leave him so he can just carry on treating you like shit with absolutely no consequences. How many posts per day are there where women put this and wonder why nothing changes. He behaves like this because you enable him to. Stop enabling him or put up with it. There really are only two options.

Fuck him right off.

You say you absolutely love him to bits. Maybe you should write out a list of all the things you love about him, & another of all the things that frustrate you. Then a list of all the things you want, need & have the right to expect in a healthy, loving relationship, both for you as a partner & also what you want in a father for your child & as a family unit. Then a fourth list of just how many of these he actually meets, of how he shows you & his son his love & respect for you both. Sadly the last one sounds like it's going to be pretty short, if not non-existent. But maybe seeing it in writing, just how little he respects, loves & cares for you & his own baby might be the impetus you need to see you & your son will be so much happier & better off without him.

The worst thing you can do is stay with him. The second worst thing you can do is procreate again with this twat. The third worst thing you can is refer to expecting him to behave like an adult as 'giving you a hand'. The fourth worst thing you can do is continue to enable him. Would stop doing anything for him and just shrug, 'Well, you don't want to discuss it. I'm not a maid. You sort yourself out,' and leave him to it. Every bit of it. Wouldn't so much as make a sandwich for him. No sex. 'No, thanks. Not really interested.'

Either grow a really thick hide or end it. He will never change. He sees you and your child as fundamentally inferior to him in every way. He wanted a baby to tie you to him.

There's no love here at all.

He’s not a father really, is he? The only thing he has done for six months is give your baby the odd cuddle. No feeding, no bathing, no nappies, no putting to bed, no real playing. He’s a fucking waste of space and an utter disgrace. Do his family and friends know how little he does? Would them knowing shame him and kick him into action?

He probably won't change. His selfishness astounding. So I suppose you either need to accept that this is your life now or leave him. I know which I'd choose! Sorry OP x

People who love us, listen to us and respect us. They do not treat us like he treats you.

I am sure he was very keen for a baby, because he knew it would make it harder for you to leave him.

I think doing the Freedom Programme course would really help you, whether you do it online or go to one of the free group courses: www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

They won't tell you to leave him, they'll just share information with you. It's up to you what you do with it.

He 'wanted a child' - to tie you to him. Forever. He doesn't want the child for the child.

He doesn't 'help out' - he doesn't parent!

So what is he for? you can get another job, sell the livery - or co - work. You don't have to be married to do that.

Get legal advice and get out.

I would stop doing everything for him, no washing his clothes, no cooking his dinner, no cleaning up after him and no admin for his business. I would also get him to put his hand in his pocket to pay for some childcare so you can run your business safely as it is no fun working around horses when you have a baby on the move. He’s a man child, somethings got to give.

Get out of this toxic relationship. Was he such an awful selfish person before you got pregnant?