Selfish “D” P

[SelfishDP]

So, I know I’m not BU but really need to have a rant before my head explodes!

We have a baby who is almost 6 months old - fortunately a really good easy baby
However, I have not had even half hour off from him to myself yet, even has to come with me when I have a shower
P hasn’t dressed him or bathed him or anything
He goes out 2 nights a week for 2 1/2 hours for his hobby and has been out tonight since 5pm in the pub - kicked off at me earlier as I asked how long he was going to be - apparently I’m out of order asking this question ?!
Tonight has particularly pissed me off as the baby has been poorly - crying, sick, poorly tummy etc and he’s still not bothered to come back to help
And when I said to him earlier it’s unfair that he does what he wants when he wants and he never has the baby so I can have an hour or so to myself to do something he told me that i shouldn’t have had the baby if I didn’t want to look after him! Don’t get me wrong, I love being with the baby but ffs, 24/7 for nearly 6 months!
This is all on top of the fact that I do everything in the house, all the admin for his business and run a livery yard - tonight for example I’ve been up and down fields with the baby in the buggy fetching horses in
When I try and tell him that’s its unfair and it’s really pissing me off he just tells me to stop moaning and he doesn’t have to tell me what he’s doing or explain himself to me?! And I’m really getting on his nerves by saying anything
And that he doesn’t need to look after the baby because dads don’t do that?!
Er, yes they do?!
I’m such a positive get in with it type person but it’s starting to wear me down tbh, I feel like I never stop - I’ve been on since 5am this morning , the baby has been poorly since about 6pm, only just gone to sleep and now I can’t sleep as I think I’ve gone past it
I was busy the whole time through my pregnancy and never stopped since the baby arrived - I’m nearly a stone lighter than I was before I got pregnant!
The sad thing is is that I’ve always absolutely loved him to bits but I’m starting to lose it a bit now with all this attitude, clearly me and the baby aren’t very high up on his priority list
I know loads of u will say LTB but that easier said than done when finances are complicated, animals to consider, don’t actually want to break up the family 😞

Well done if you’ve managed to read all if that- think it’s come out in a bit of a jumble

What an utter lowlife. Sorry, OP, listen to us. You are better off out of it.

And, I am a horsey person but there's NO WAY I would have the baby around my horses (I speak from prev experience concerning my dd and a very moody mare, btw).

Thanks for all your responses
As someone in the thread has said, I’m staff! And that’s actually how I feel
For those who have asked about the businesses - the livery yard I run - that’s on our premises, he’s also then got his own business which I help with and get a wage
Also, he actively wanted a baby - but the most he does is have a cuddle when I’m there
And I know I should leave him to it, but I can’t! It’s not that he might do things differently - from his comments to me sometimes I know he’d leave the baby crying etc - no patience at all if he cries 🤷‍♀️
Any time I try to tell him how I’m feeling it just ends in an argument. I’ve tried saying I’m not saying I’m right or wrong, but this is how I feel so it’s perfectly valid and u need to take that into consideration whether u agree with me or no!
I just can’t seem to get through to him at all
I seem to spend all my time running round after everyone and everyone else is my priority, particularly the baby, but his priority is himself!
Whenever I try and talk to him he just tells me to stop going on and shut up about it so he never actually absorbs what I’m saying - probably as he knows what I’m saying is true!
I’ve even tried putting it in a message so he can’t argue back but he just says to stop messaging and he doesn’t bother to read it anyway!

Plus in hindsight I shouldn’t have got back to normal life so soon as it’s not been appreciated and now it’s just expected , I’m not trying to sound like super mum but honestly the amount I do in a day is ridiculous! And if I ask him to give me a hand with anything it’s a major drama, even though he wants me to help him with everything 🤷‍♀️
This is just not how it was supposed to be, I just feel so let down and disappointed - I honestly thought he’d be so excited about the baby and hands on etc and he’s been the opposite

So what are you going to do?

no patience at all if he cries

This stood out to me. I would not leave the baby with him OP. I would be worried about what he might do if he gets impatient when left with the baby alone.

You know you should not be staff. You now I suspect that you need to plan how you leave him. If you have a friend or relative you can confide in, then please confide in them. You can start making plans for how you leave him. You don't have to do this overnight. You can take your time to plan this.

You don’t want to break up the family, it’s difficult etc
Instead you are teaching your baby that this is normal. It’s normal for men not to do anything and treat their partners like staff. It’s normal for mum to do everything and be a doormat.
Think of the future, a bit of upheaval now is worth a better future for you and your baby surely?

I do believe your partner is a cunt and, given you haven't suggested any redeeming qualities, I believe he is also a waste of space.

Stop helping him with anything.

Dads don't help.
They Co-parent.
Tell him to step up or ship out

So who's name is the house/land/business in OP? Ultimately it sounds like he's unlikely to change, won't communicate, isn't interested in anything you have to say, so there's no future for the relationship.

I would be taking steps to end the relationship and get away from him.

So fucking leave then. Or better still get him to.

This is a black and white situation; he’s got no respect for you, absents himself from all responsibility and is an untrustworthy father to your child.

what is the point?

Yes she needs to leave, but this will take time. She has a 6 month old baby and a business. So OP needs to plan how to leave. This is not an emergency situation where she needs to leave today. She can take time to plan this.

Hi, admittedly I've not RTFT but I have read your posts. Sounds like a horrible situation OP and you've done lots to enable your DH to lead his ordinary pre-baby life with no thanks or reciprocation.

From what you've said I wonder if he's had difficulty bonding with the baby. He finds it hard when the baby is crying but it doesn't sound like he has empathy. Could you try talking to your DH about his feelings for the baby?

You said he was excited about becoming a father. I doubt how things are now are how he expected parenthood to be. Could you talk to him about what kind of father he wants to be and what he thinks he needs to do to get there? I bet it would involve him spending more time and bonding better with the baby. Framed in that way he might just be more motivated to take over more baby care from you.

Good luck 🌷 xxx

Time to shit or get off the pot 🤷‍♀️

I'm so sorry op. What a selfish waste of space.

Op, can you simply stop doing anything else. You don’t cook, clean, or shop for him. Don’t wash his clothes, buy his pants, anything.

You sort you and baby. Buy food he doesn’t like - fish, salad & yogurt worked with my ex 😀. See how long it takes to get through when there’s no beer in the fridge and no supper cooked.

If he doesn’t start to help then he is genuinely not worth the bother and you are better off leaving him.

Or be a servant for the rest of your life

Is the yard his, yours, both? I also wouldn’t have the baby whilst catching in. If you’re on HHO, you probably saw the pictures of my leg after a catching in incident. Skin grafts, 3 months to get back to work and half a calf gone necrotic.

He needs to step up. Did he not want a baby? You’d be better off hiring a groom and getting rid of your ‘d’h.

You shouldn't even need to ask for help. I have a stressful job and no children. If i get gone late my husband has sorted things.

Your partner knows what he is doing / how selfish he is and his reaction to you is frankly unacceptable. It sounds like he has no respect for you.

I'm the first to roll my eyes at the MN pitchfork brigade, but....

LTB

Also, I might let my wife read your post so she sees how lucky she is! (J/k)

Sorry but you have to leave him, you know that really.

It's easier the earlier you do it. It sounds like you should see a solicitor about the land and property you own but make a break to a family members asap. Is there someone you could trust to sort the horses out for you temporarily?

He sounds like a horrible horrible man, the less influence he has on your son the better.

Also wanted to say you are absolutely right not to leave your baby with him. If he wants to remain in contact after you leave it should be supervised daytime visits. I wouldn't trust him to meet the baby's needs and would worry about him being neglectful..

You need to leave him. You are not a family. I'm so sorry.

You don't have a partner, you have a dead weight that is pulling you down.

I promise you that being alone is easier, because there's not someone else there doing fuck all except make you resentful.

And if he's any kind of decent person, when you split you'll get at least every other weekend 'off', or similar. Not that I'd expect anything from this vile man.

when you split you'll get at least every other weekend 'off', or similar

Admittedly I have a tiny snippet of information about this man but I wouldn't trust a man like that with my baby for any length of time, especially overnight. He's never even changed a nappy or fed the baby!

Do you want your son to grow up with this dad as a role model of how to be a father and partner? The kindest thing for you and your son is to leave and find someone in the future that loves you properly and treats you with respect.