Zebra crossings

[TheZebraCrosser]

I was under the impression that when driving, stopping to let a pedestrian cross on a zebra crossing (white stripes on road, big flashing Belisha beacons) was in fact mandatory, not discretionary.

So why did some twat in a van holler 'could have put your hand up to say thank you you ignorant sod' as I (a pedestrian) sauntered across the other day.

I have noticed (as a motorist) that more and more pedestrians are now scuttling across zebra crossings almost apologetically while mouthing thank you s and waving.

This is all very well and sweet of them but it leaves me a bit bemused as they have a right to cross anyway.

I'm wondering now, if, when I get to the end of temporary traffic lights, would I be advised to 'thank' the person waiting at the other end for not jumping the red light? To thank someone for giving way at a roundabout if you gave right if way anyway?

And then there are people who step out into the road with no crossing at all without so much as batting an eyelid and scream abuse if you don't dodge them by a wide enough margin.

Help needed.

The OP hasn’t been at all disdainful or vitriolic, certainly not by AIBU standards. She’s coped with some quite nasty posts from others on here; some posts have been quite disablist, in fact, bearing in mind she has declared herself to be autistic and, by her own admission, pedantic.

No projecting here.

Perhaps you should Google disdain and vitriol and then re-RTFT to see how you've expressed yourself on the subject of thanking people and those who disagree with you which, ironically, I don't.

I am autistic - I see things differently to you. It doesn't make me disdainful it vitriolic (neither of which I need to google btw). And by suggesting I do you're also implying I'm stupid.

• or

Thank you Lizzie

I rather like the sarcastic posts saying, " smile at the abusive man like a good girl!"

It's very annoying to read so many posters focusing on OP's omission of a wave rather than the aggressive behaviour of the van man. Because not waving is so much worse than yelling abuse...?

And if you think reasonable discussion and expression of opinion is disdainful and vitriolic - ether (a) you don't understand the meaning or (b) god help us all.

But it was okay for you to imply I'm stupid

This could go on all night (except I'm on 6% battery) but yes I think we have to agree we see things differently (despite agreeing on your initial question)

Stcharlotte, nowhere have I implied you're stupid, it was the other way around. (Really no projection..?)

Charlottecollins - oh yeah much worse apparently.

As was daring to find work as a waiter as a person with autism - according to thunderpunt and notmypuppy. Shocking abusive prejudice and discrimination which they would be pilloried for in RL.

Imagine the outcry if I posted about telling my DC they could not be a waiter because they were autistic

OP, as for the post I quoted I apologise - I have asked for it to be deleted. I had only skim read the thread and I didn’t quite appreciate the implications of the post. I found bravo/brava quite amusing because of you having pulled up another poster’s spelling. I wasn’t trying to mock the fact that you were a waitress but when I re-read the full post I quoted from saying they weren’t surprised you didn’t get any tips or something I can see it sounds like I think disabled people shouldn’t be waitressing or something. I don’t think that at all but having re-read it I can see how it came across and I apologise.

This doesn’t change the fact I think you have been unpleasant on this thread. Plenty of people have pointed it out to you but you have chosen to double down. I don’t see how you can say this wasn’t unpleasant (as one example) and mocking people’s intelligence isn’t a good look.

Many have already shown themselves to be rather dense and ill educated bullies. Just the sort who think it makes them look big to yell out of their (usually crappy) cars, come to think of it

Also calling me names like cowardly and a “bitch” etc, ok go for it if you like but you are in the wrong bringing up feeling sorry for my children - this thread has nothing to do with my or anybody’s children. I’m at home bleeding with a miscarriage, and that comment has upset me. I realise you weren’t to know that but you had no right bringing my children in this at all. I love my children, including the one I am in the process of losing and will never meet.

Notmypuppy- I'm deeply sorry for your miscarriage. I have been there and can well remember the pain and devastation. As you say it wasn't to know but it was very bad timing for you mentioning DC and I'm sorry.

I wasn't directing the bullying comments at you necessarily, more at the general timbre on the thread.

It's all a lot of nonsense on MN at the end of the day and sometimes easy to forget that we are all real people with real lives, worries, hopes, dreams sadnesses, joys and fears.

I feel for you at this time, I accept your apology and please also accept mine if I inadvertently upset you. Please take care.

You’re right about Mumsnet and I probably should have stayed off it tonight!

Thank you for accepting my apology, and for the good wishes - sorry to hear you went through this too

They don’t have to stop unless a pedestrian is actually on the crossing
And the zigzags indicate whether they can realistically be expected to stop

They are supposed to stop if someone is waiting to cross. The Highway Code says this.
And be realistic. No one is going to push a pram out on a crossing as cars whizz by.
Also the Highway Code says that you should slow down as you approach a crossing and be prepared to stop if needed. So you should never be in a situation where you can not realistically stop. If you cant realistically stop, you are driving too fast.

To be honest, I rarely give a courtesy wave as a pedestrian. I’m usually carrying things, eg handbag in one hand and phone in the other hand, so in a situation like this I’m just awkwardly lifting my phone up at the driver which may not translate as a courtesy wave. I’m then mindful of faffing when people are waiting for me to cross the road, so instead of focusing on freeing my hands and waving, I’m just going to cross the road as quickly instead.

*As quickly as I can instead

"It's easy to tell the difference between auto correct errors and lack of education by looking at the context. A word can be correctly spelt but used wrongly. Discreet / discrete being a common example."

OP please can I ask you not to say things like this? Due to brain issues I forget correct spellings, grammar and punctuation. It really hurts when people assume this is due to lack of education. I use words etc wrongly in context because I genuinely can't remember despite being well educated. I find comments like yours offensive, especially when "wrong" comments are pulled up and corrected in a patronising manner. I doubt you would do it to someone agreeing with you, so please don't use it as point scoring.

No doubt there are things in my post you could correct but knowing I have a disability would make you a disablist twat to point it out. If I were you I wouldn't run the risk of looking like a disablist twat by pointing out errors by you wrongly assuming people aren't educated.

With regards to your situation, of course any man shouting abuse is in the wrong.

I do thank drivers that stop for me, especially as I am slow to cross. Of course I can't help that bit but it's still just courteous and costs me nothing. Like thanking a bus driver or someone in a shop. Kindness costs nothing and makes everyday life more pleasant for everyone.

I think this thread demonstrates very nicely actually, that if people were a bit kinder to each other everyone would be happier!

YANBU
Totally unnecessary to wave thanks to a car that has stopped at a pedestrian crossing.
The man who shouted at you is the one who's in the wrong.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles The OP is autistic and has admitted to being pedantic. (And she’s not alone in being pedantic on Mumsnet, you get that type of post on most threads.) She isn’t intentionally being a disablist twat; she’s been on the receiving end of comments from disablist twats on this thread.

I don't like people being pedantic (pedanticness? Pedantism? What's the noun for that?) on other threads either Lizzie!

I have never seen it done to someone agreeing with the offending pedant. It's always used against someone with opposing views (as nicely shown in this thread) so it's usually cheap point scoring anyway.

I hate this mindset "well I can tell if someone's used autocorrect or they're thick" it's just wrong. You really can't. I just really dislike people pulling other posters up like this as I live in fear of someone saying it to me, and I do make mistakes, I know that. I would feel humiliated, and if someone posted the correct word (or grammar etc) I would feel patronised.

I think it's worth saying this when we see it, especially in a thread where disabilities are a topic under discussion. Maybe it might give people who do this people pause for thought.

Nothing wrong with being a pedant in your head (I used to be!) and giving an internal wince. I don't think it's worth the risk of upsetting people (who may have a disability) by pointing it out. It's not to be helpful. It's rude and belittling and not relevant to the discussion usually.

"Good God. Do people on here not know how to spell OR drive?"

Said to someone disagreeing - any other obvious errors made by posters up to that point have been ignored! It's point scoring. It's designed to point out someone's "shortcoming". (It's also ironic as I think you have an error in your very first post, OP!)

I don't want to derail the thread though, just wanted to say my bit, I find it rude, unhelpful and I do find it offensive.

I agree that it isn’t a pleasant trait. I think in the OP’s case, it might be part of her autism, though, which she herself has mentioned. So there is a case for making allowances for her not thinking about how her posts might affect others, until it’s pointed out to her. And TBF, she has apologised when posters have expressed hurt at her comments.

But yes, I take your point that spelling mistakes aren’t generally pointed out when a poster is agreeing with a previous comment.

webuiltciscity pedantry is the word you're looking for

Out today in car, slowed down coming up to zebra, person crosses and waves. I smile. Think it does no harm to wave but wouldn't freak if they hadn't 😊

Thank you davros. I knew there was a word, and I knew a MNer would know it