Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much money to give for a wedding gift?

110 replies

ssd · 24/05/2019 09:05

I realise this is all about how much money you have in the first place and how close you are to the bride and groom
I'm asking from the viewpoint of low earners who are related to the groom through marriage
How much to give? I know whatever we give won't be close to other relatives who are well off. Please give me an amount, don't say whatever you can afford.
Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
ssd · 24/05/2019 09:06

Oh and the wedding is abroad and we can't afford to attend.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 24/05/2019 09:06

Personally I give £100 for a full day invite and £50 for an evening, that’s from me and my DH. But at the end of the day it comes down to what you can afford (sorry!).

19lottie82 · 24/05/2019 09:07

PS if you’re not attending just give them a bottle of supermarket champagne the next time you see them!

Original poster
ssd · 24/05/2019 09:08

It would be for all day as its taking place on a sunny beach in Greece. But we can't go so have sent our apologies. We haven't got a holiday this year at all, due to lack of cash.

OP posts:
UnicornBrexit · 24/05/2019 09:12

I would avoid money, if they are close relatives and you know their decor tastes, I would get nice photo frame so they can display a wedding photo.

Or a bouquet of flowers when they get home.

Avoid the cheap booze route, that'll end up in a raffle somewhere

Adversecamber22 · 24/05/2019 09:12

I think the bottle of champagne is a good idea. Regardless of how close you are bloodwise how close are you genuinely. I have relatives I would want to befriend if they were someone I met I also have others I would happily blast off in to space and never see again.

UnicornBrexit · 24/05/2019 09:13

Rethinking, if they know you are strapped this year, is there actually a need for a gift?

Original poster
ssd · 24/05/2019 09:15

They have asked for money. Also they live in another country and we never see them. Haven't met his fiance yet.

OP posts:
Oopsy41 · 24/05/2019 09:18

We're really skint at the minute and have already spent money to attend, had to buy new clothes coz we're all really casual and it's a posh place. We're putting 50 quid in a card

JaceLancs · 24/05/2019 09:34

I would say £30-£50

yumscrumfatbum · 24/05/2019 09:35

£50

Blondebakingmumma · 24/05/2019 09:39

$200 AUS dollar from myself and hubby

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 24/05/2019 09:40

They have asked for money

That's the clincher. They'd get nothing from me if I couldn't even afford to attend. If this were so ingrained in their culture that it was a definite norm, they wouldn't even need to ask.

It's rude. I judge people who do this, and am completely unrepentant.

TheGoogleMum · 24/05/2019 09:43

I'm stingier than most... I think maybe send £20-50 depending on how close you actually are. Less than £20 feels mean to me. £50 I do for people i am pretty close to so maybe less than that in this situation

Blackcountrychik83 · 24/05/2019 09:44

Maybe just send a nice thoughtful card. If you're not attending, why the need to be spending money you haven't got?

kenandbarbie · 24/05/2019 09:47

From what you've said I'd say £50, would've been more if you were attending.

bellabasset · 24/05/2019 09:48

As its abroad and you're not attending just send a card.

BlueMerchant · 24/05/2019 09:50

You're not going and never see them.
I'd send £30 in a card.

TheTitOfTheIceberg · 24/05/2019 09:51

Under your circumstances I'd give £20-25 and stuff them if they turn their noses up. A small amount from someone with very little to spare is in many ways more meaningful than £100 from someone who would barely notice it had gone.

Sindragosan · 24/05/2019 09:52

No need to send a gift if you're not attending. A card is fine if you want to.

Getthepetwet · 24/05/2019 09:54

If you're not attending the wedding I wouldn't give money. The asking for money as a wedding gift, imo is a roundabout way of trying to cover the costs of the wedding. Usually guests will end up covering their food/drink bill with the amount they give as a monetary gift, which will makes the wedding less costly for the b&g. If you aren't attending the wedding, no need to give money which is undoubtedly going to pay off some of the wedding day. Nice bottle of champagne (maybe with personalised glasses?) with a note to say to drink on their anniversary, a personalised photo book with pictures of the 2 of them, or similar will suffice. I don't think people really expect wedding gifts from people not attending the wedding, as you're family a small thoughtful gift and a card to say you're sorry you couldn't make the wedding is fine.

Yesicancancan · 24/05/2019 09:54

In your circumstances, I would not go without to send money I couldn’t afford. I nice card would suffice.
People asking for money is rude. Getting married isn’t an extra pay day.

daisypond · 24/05/2019 09:55

Just send a card. No need for a gift at all.

RaininSummer · 24/05/2019 09:58

You aren't going, not that close them and are broke so surely just a card or a small gift if you ever see them.

SpiderPlant38 · 24/05/2019 10:01

If I was not attending and not that close I would not send any money.

A nice card reiterating that you are sorry you were unable to attend but wish....etc etc would be fine in my view.

Obviously if it is someone close that you love they will know your situation and then £25 for them to "buy something special" would be what I would do. (PS did they give you a wedding gift?)

I don't think they can expect presents from invitees who do not attend - that is really cheeky - especially when the wedding is abroad so they are well aware that people will not be able to get there!!! (Ha - just invite 4 million "friends" to wedding in Outer Mongolia and get £100 from all of them - even though they can't attend . Great new wheeze!!)