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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much money to give for a wedding gift?

110 replies

ssd · 24/05/2019 09:05

I realise this is all about how much money you have in the first place and how close you are to the bride and groom
I'm asking from the viewpoint of low earners who are related to the groom through marriage
How much to give? I know whatever we give won't be close to other relatives who are well off. Please give me an amount, don't say whatever you can afford.
Thanks.

OP posts:
ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 25/05/2019 16:57

£30 friends, £50 extended family, £100 to £150 close family (siblings). Also £100 for best friends.

JeniJeniJeni · 25/05/2019 18:28

£50 per person so £100 if it’s you and partner or £50 if going solo. I’ve been to a few weddings recently where DP has been invited to full day and I’ve been evening only (I know...) so we have given £50 cash and small gift eg photo frame.

LittleAndOften · 25/05/2019 19:38

OP is on a budget. £100 is too much and really not necessary.

We asked for holiday vouchers at our wedding. People gave between £20 and £200. We were no less grateful for the small amounts than for the large and certainly had no expectations of what would be 'acceptable'.

ludothedog · 25/05/2019 20:03

A wedding is about someone else's dreams and future. I have to think about my family. There is no way I would/could spend £100. That would be new dance shoes for DD and a day out for us or would be a week's groceries and petrol in the car. It would be a £20 bottle of champagne from me, and that's only if it was close family and friends.

Aroundtheworldandback · 25/05/2019 20:05

Our friends’ kids are getting married now, dh and I give £300 for a wedding.

Hollowvictory · 25/05/2019 20:07

Nothing, just a card. You never see them save your money

BarnabasTheMaineCoon · 25/05/2019 20:14

You're not going, you're not going to see them, you have low income, and they asked you for money. Just send them a card.

Lauren83 · 25/05/2019 20:19

£100 if we are going, to be honest I haven't ever sent anything to a wedding I haven't attended, if it was someone close I guess I would but not £100

livefornaps · 25/05/2019 20:48

Definitely send a nice card and that's it.

They'll be raking it in while you can't even take yourself away for a few days.

Just look after yourself, my love!

Coronapop · 25/05/2019 20:55

Given the circumstances a card is fine, especially if you are not likely to see them anytime soon.

CannoninD · 25/05/2019 20:58

DO NOT buy them random stuff even if you ‘know their taste’ 🙄 it’s distespectuful to ignore people’s gifting requests.

However, if you’re not attending then you’re not required to give anything at all 🤔 I’ve never heard of non attendees giving gifts especially money

Butterflycookie · 25/05/2019 21:01

Do you even need to give a gift? You don’t see them often and they live in another country. I would just send a card.

Eliza9919 · 25/05/2019 21:01

In the circumstances described, they live in another country, you never see them, aren't going to the wedding, I'd just send a card. You can get really nice laser cut ones on not on the high street. About £7 max.

snowdrop6 · 25/05/2019 21:24

I’d just send a card .no need for money or a gift.they are adults they can earn their own

HertsMum81 · 25/05/2019 21:38

Definitely just a card under the circumstances. I never give money for weddings - for me it’s either a present or gift vouchers for an experience (e.g. spa, nice restaurant, afternoon tea) to the value of £50-100 if we’re close, or a bottle of bubbly if we’re not. Seriously tacky to ask for money IMO although I’m aware many will disagree. If the couple ask for a charity donation however, then it’d be £50+ and a lot more respect

CherryPavlova · 25/05/2019 21:44

Not attending because they’ve chosen a wedding that is too expensive to get o? A nice card with my warmest wishes. A housewpresent when I visited.

Close friends child we’ve watched grow up or a niece I was fond of? Maybe £250. Second cousins child or child we used to watch play rugby best their patents? £100 probably. Friend of children who we’ve seen turn from gobby teenager to charming young teacher but who has little family support and no financial help setting up new life? Maybe £200.

Just depends.,

CherryPavlova · 25/05/2019 21:45

Sorry appalling misspelling.

Purplejay · 26/05/2019 09:29

I would give £30 if attending and close and £20 or champagne if not.

Iloveacurry · 26/05/2019 09:36

I would just send a card. As you’re not going, then I wouldn’t give them any money.

crispytata · 26/05/2019 10:15

I think I would buy a small gift (as someone said a plain silver frame - £15 or so) and post that with a card.

Some people who didn't attend my wedding didn't even RSVP never mind send a gift, however I think it's proper etiquette to give something to the couple, and in turn you should get a thank you letter and a piece of wedding cake in the post (call me old fashioned!)

Jaspermcsween · 26/05/2019 10:18

I don’t think you should send anything because they are CFs for asking for cash.
And you’re not going to the wedding

BottleOfJameson · 26/05/2019 10:19

If you're not attending, aren't well of and are not super close to the couple just send a lovely card with no money in it.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 26/05/2019 10:53

I tend to give more if there's a free bar.

Hollowvictory · 26/05/2019 11:33

@Somewhereinbetween1 Why would you give more if there's a free bar, if you're not even going to the wedding? Makes no sense at all! The op isn't going to the wedding its overseas.

Original poster
ssd · 26/05/2019 23:35

The free bar wouldn't have influenced me any way either

OP posts: