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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How much money to give for a wedding gift?

110 replies

ssd · 24/05/2019 09:05

I realise this is all about how much money you have in the first place and how close you are to the bride and groom
I'm asking from the viewpoint of low earners who are related to the groom through marriage
How much to give? I know whatever we give won't be close to other relatives who are well off. Please give me an amount, don't say whatever you can afford.
Thanks.

OP posts:

Drum2018 · 26/05/2019 23:47

I'd only send a card. Getting an invitation doesn't mean you have to give a gift, especially as you are not going. Save your pounds/euros for your own holiday.

Purpletigers · 27/05/2019 12:51

Send a card wishing them congratulations. They can’t expect gifts if they’re having a wedding abroad and you aren’t attending .

Ghanagirl · 27/05/2019 12:55

I wouldn’t send money if not attending especially as you haven’t even met one half of the couple.

Damntheman · 27/05/2019 13:12

50 is fine OP! But honestly I don't think you should feel obligated to send anything given you're not going. I would never have expected wedding gifts from my siblings who couldn't make my wedding or even any invitees who couldn't come.

Also requesting money instead of gifts at a wedding is not rude. It's often a cultural thing, and in this day and age it's also sensible. Couples are no longer always looking to set up a new home.

iknowenoughthankyouygritte · 27/05/2019 13:28

I thing if you aren't going to the wedding and don't know the fiancé.

NailsNeedDoing · 27/05/2019 13:31

You don't have to send anything! You're not going to the wedding so you aren't expected to give a wedding gift at all.

Honestly, I think it would be weird to send money when you're not going. Plus, asking for money is rude, in any circumstances, but especially when you're inviting people that don't even live in the same country.

I get that there will be cultural differences, but in my experience, when there is a cultural expectation of money, people don't ask because there isn't simply no need to.

MitziK · 27/05/2019 13:36

I got cut off for a £20 voucher for a shop that had been specified in the reception invite (which was more than I could afford and I had to walk home alone through unlit woodland because I didn't have enough for a cab).

I wouldn't bother, personally. Seems that brides think in three figures when asking for cash or vouchers and anything below that is an utter insult, worse than nothing at all.

Reastie · 27/05/2019 15:37

I remember reading to spend how much the meal you have would’ve cost the bride and groom at the wedding for a useful ballpark amount for gift giving. But if you’re not going I think a token gift for the invite would be more than sufficient. I certainly wouldn’t have expected a gift from someone who couldn’t make it and got a huge variety in how much people spent on wedding presents from £10- over £100. They shouldn’t judge you and they should be grateful for anything you are generous enough to give or they aren’t worth having as friends!

Listlover · 27/05/2019 15:42

£30 . I don’t mind people asking for money as it saves me shopping for a gift.
We’re you invited to the wedding?
Invited but not going I’d still send money.
Not invited but asked for money - they’d need to prise the money out of my cold dead hands

Pomegranatepompom · 27/05/2019 16:01

I would just send a card as you are not attending and also not close/not met the bride.

RedPink · 28/05/2019 07:54

I'd just send a card.

LaurieMarlow · 28/05/2019 08:04

DO NOT buy them random stuff even if you ‘know their taste’. it’s distespectuful to ignore people’s gifting requests

Agreed. Please don’t give a photo frame unless you want it in a charity shop.

£50 sounds fine to me assuming you want to give them something.

NaturalBornWoman · 28/05/2019 08:07

I'd send a card in these circumstances.

KnittingSister · 28/05/2019 08:07

A wedding you're not attending for people you scarcely know? That would be a card from me.

Frazzled2207 · 28/05/2019 08:20

If not attending I'd just send a card unless I was very close to the couple.

MadisonAvenue · 28/05/2019 08:48

I’d just send a card.

@crispytata I must be old fashioned too, I think it’s good manners to send a thank you. We’ve been to a couple of weddings in recent years where money was requested and no thank you has been given. One was my husband’s nephew’s wedding 10 months ago so I’ve sort of been giving them the benefit of the doubt up until now, thinking that they may be waiting for photographic cards but I think they’ve had enough time now?
I wouldn’t mind so much but we had to go to a lot of effort to attend as they live 3 hours away so we had the expense of a hotel and travel and the wedding was midweek which meant using holiday from work.

Rubberduckies · 28/05/2019 08:59

No need for a gift if you're not attending, but if you want to send money in a card I'd go for £20-£30. I save £50 gifts for very good friends or very close family, because otherwise we could never afford it. We're at that point in our lives when we get 3-4 invites a year at least....

Orangeballon · 28/05/2019 09:17

Send them a card as you are not going, a gift is not necessary for a refused invite.

Alicesweewonders · 28/05/2019 09:27

£100

Highway · 28/05/2019 10:24

No invite wouldn't even get a card from me. All day with no part in the wedding £50, all day with a part in the wedding £100, just an evening £20

rainbowstardrops · 28/05/2019 10:41

My niece got married a couple of years ago and they asked for money instead of gifts. We didn't have loads of spare cash so we gave £50. That was a lot for us!
Having said that, we were there all day and my DS was an usher and my DD a bridesmaid so maybe I was a bit tight!

EbbandTheWanderingHearts · 28/05/2019 10:54

When we got married, amounts varied between £10 and £200. We didn't expect anything and certainly not from anyone who couldn't make it! In your circumstances, £50 is incredibly generous!

enidblyton33 · 28/05/2019 11:03

I’d just send them a card. I would never give money as a wedding gift. If it’s to pay for the wedding they should have organised something within their means. Never been asked for money as a gift for weddings we’ve attended over the years. Is this common?

MadisonAvenue · 28/05/2019 18:02

Never been asked for money as a gift for weddings we’ve attended over the years. Is this common?

We've been to a number of weddings over the last few years and only two invitations have arrived without a request for money. One came with the account details for the honeymoon that they'd booked so that money could be paid directly towards that.

I'm on two minds about it. While it makes things easier, in that you don't have to spend time buying a gift, I can't help feeling that it's cheeky to ask for cash and if we can't afford much I always feel that we'll be judged on how much we give.

Original poster

ssd · 28/05/2019 18:05

The last time we gave money for a wedding we spent a fortune travelling there, hotels, new outfits etc and we gave £50 and got a 1 line text message as a thank you

OP posts:

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