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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gift for toddler when you’ve been told no gifts?

108 replies

EssentialHummus · 24/05/2019 07:08

Just that really. Invited to small toddler party. Told beforehand in private that we shouldn’t bother with a gift, because they are inundated with stuff. Now I’m pre-embarassed that everyone else will turn up with a gift and I’ll be empty handed. Plus, advance planner that I am, I actually bought the gift prior to having that conversation with the mum. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Original poster
EssentialHummus · 24/05/2019 10:59

I think that’s fair anna. I tend to apparently overspend on gifts because I buy things when they are (sometimes significantly) cheaper than the rrp, but I do it because I can and enjoy it. I would hate for anyone to take that as a guide to what to spend.

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 24/05/2019 11:01

Why do people have such a problem not bringing a gift when specifically asked not to bring a gift?

Yura · 24/05/2019 11:03

no gifts. we ask for no gifts, and while i outwardly smile and say thank you, I really try to avoid people who completely ignore my wishes. I find it rather rude,

Yura · 24/05/2019 11:05

and yes, that applies to vouchers, £5 etc as well . £5 goes to the nearest homeless person, vouchers in the bin (or if useful for charity, to the i refuse to benefit from rudeness

Bear2014 · 24/05/2019 11:08

I would do a book token in a card.

Yura · 24/05/2019 11:10

and please no book tokens. impossible to spend, charities don‘t want them i still have some (somehere) from when my oldest was little (and we are avid readers!)

Frogarmy · 24/05/2019 11:12

Crikey, there are some very grumpy people on here. We asked for no gifts at our wedding - but were very touched by some of the incredibly thoughtful presents from some of our friends and family. It didn't occur to me to be pissed off because they had "ignored my wishes"

Apparently, I should have de-friended and cut-off from the totally rude bastards... with their thinking of us, and doing a kind thing nonsense. Twats. Grin

thefuriousfuggler · 24/05/2019 11:13

No gifts. It's not hard is it? Why do people think that "no gifts" means please bring a gift? If they wanted you to bring a gift then they wouldn't say "no gifts".

LaurieMarlow · 24/05/2019 11:15

I would do a book token in a card.

But why anything? When you’ve been specifically asked.

Not that’s there’s anything wrong with a book token.

Yura · 24/05/2019 11:15

Giving people stuff you KNOW they don’t want (because they told you) is not kind. it is about you, not them!

NewName54321 · 24/05/2019 11:26

Take the T-shirt present in your bag. Don't arrive first. Decide about the present when you get there.

Do not tell your child about the T-shirt. You don't want them to announce its existence if you decide not to give it.

Pinkvoid · 24/05/2019 11:27

As others have said, I’d put a voucher or money in a card.

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 24/05/2019 11:30

@Frogarmy I'm not sure I'd be 'pissed off' but if I've said no gifts then that's genuinely what I want and I want people to respect that. People have legitimate reasons for not wanting gifts- it's often not just a 'meh not that fussed' preference. For example I hate waste and worry about the impact of unnecessary 'stuff' on the environment. It puts me off hosting parties if my house fills up with stuff I don't want or need as a result.

SnuggyBuggy · 24/05/2019 11:36

To be fair a t shirt isn't bad, it won't clutter up the living room

AnnaComnena · 24/05/2019 11:37

As others have said, I’d put a voucher or money in a card.

Wouldn't you worry that the parents then might feel obligated to reciprocate? Or feel they couldn't come to your party if they couldn't reciprocate?

As pp have said, all this 'I'd do this - or that' is all about what you want. It's not about being considerate of other people and respecting their wishes.

Aprillygirl · 24/05/2019 11:37

Vouchers are shit. It's like 'here's a fiver for you but you must go to the shop of my choosing within a certain amount of time to spend it ok' Confused

LizziesTwin · 24/05/2019 11:38

We said no gifts for Dd’s 3rd birthday, she had the party somewhere like a donkey sanctuary and asked people to give to that if they wanted to mark her birthday in a particular way. Nevertheless she was still given plastic tea sets etc because people felt they knew best. We knew, but hadn’t told everyone that we were emigrating within 6 months so didn’t want to ship stuff round the world, hence our request for no gifts.

Teddybear45 · 24/05/2019 11:39

No gifts is usually a polite way to say cash only. Shouldn’t ever come empty handed to a birthday party.

lorribell · 24/05/2019 11:42

I think perhaps the parent just doesn't want tat taking up space in their home. I think a T-shirt is fine and I would wait till the party's over to gift it x

lorribell · 24/05/2019 11:42

Forgot I wasn't doing a text message, didn't meant the x Wink

qazxc · 24/05/2019 11:44

Tell her the truth: I know that you said no gifts, but I'd already bought it.
You could also mention that it's a tshirt not plastic tat that won't be played with and clutter up the house.
If she really doesn't want it, regift or donate.

BlueMerchant · 24/05/2019 11:44

I'd wrap up the t-shirt and give it to parents after the party as a small thank-you.

bellinisurge · 24/05/2019 11:46

Get "The Cat In The Hat"

In my fifties. Still love it.

Yura · 24/05/2019 11:50

@Teddybear45 nonsense. in most cases it means no gifts (exception are some cultural backgrounds, but then everybody knows anyway)

LaurieMarlow · 24/05/2019 11:51

No gifts is usually a polite way to say cash only.

No it isn’t Confused