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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Gift for toddler when you’ve been told no gifts?

108 replies

EssentialHummus · 24/05/2019 07:08

Just that really. Invited to small toddler party. Told beforehand in private that we shouldn’t bother with a gift, because they are inundated with stuff. Now I’m pre-embarassed that everyone else will turn up with a gift and I’ll be empty handed. Plus, advance planner that I am, I actually bought the gift prior to having that conversation with the mum. Wwyd?

OP posts:

jackio2205 · 24/05/2019 08:48

I'd put present in the car, see what happens, if dont give it to them then save it for someone else? X

Nonnymum · 24/05/2019 08:49

How about a donation of nappies, baby food to a food bank and a nice card saying what you have done. Then you can keep the gift for another time or another party

Original poster

EssentialHummus · 24/05/2019 09:03

nonny I don’t know them well enough to understand whether that will be interpreted in the way you intend. Likewise with seeds etc.

If nothing else this thread has strengthened my feeling about only giving books or clothes as gifts for this age group.

OP posts:

mindutopia · 24/05/2019 09:06

I think a nice card with a bit of cash is fine, but I think just a card is okay too. This drives me mad when people show up with all their plastic tat and I have to spend the next year slowly binning it.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 24/05/2019 09:07

I'd give them the shirt, be honest and say you'd bought it before the conversation about no gifts , if they have too many clothes of this size, they should feel free to re-gift/donate.

snowflakeeel · 24/05/2019 09:08

some seeds to plant

LaurieMarlow · 24/05/2019 09:13

They’ve said no gifts, respect their wishes

bridgetreilly · 24/05/2019 09:18

Don't give cash! It's pretty meaningless to a toddler, plus wasteful since you've already got a gift. Give the t-shirt. It won't be plastic tat, which is what most parents are really trying to avoid with the no presents rule.

Cryalot2 · 24/05/2019 09:52

I would give the clothing .
Just a thought perhaps they would find it difficult to buy presents for all the ones who bought their kid. Just a thought like I said.

Nofilter101 · 24/05/2019 10:09

I asked for no gifts and meant it. We don't really spend much time in the house, are trying to minimalise our belongings. One person turned up with a gift card and I was thank full but would rather they didn't. It's not been spent 4 months on

whothedaddy · 24/05/2019 10:19

I'd bring a bottle of wine and a bunch of tulips for mum and dad. toddlers don't need more stuff, parents of toddlers need to know someone is thinking of them and it won't always be this hard.

Getthepetwet · 24/05/2019 10:25

I'd give money or ask if the toddler has a bank account you can transfer something into. We've had to say no gifts the past 2 years as our dds have too much stuff, and while we appreciate people's efforts, and don't want to seem ungrateful, with the gifts from us and close family (grandparents and aunties), it can quickly get out of hand if everyone else wants to "just buy one small thing". Alot of people who came to dds last couple of parties gave a gift of money, on average £5-£20, of which every penny was really appreciated and went straight into their bank account where they're building up a nice sum of cash which will be of so much use if they chooses to go to uni, or want to put it towards a house etc.

Aprillygirl · 24/05/2019 10:30

Most people buy toys for toddlers as gifts and I'm sure that, like many with little ones. they have far too many cluttering up their home and this is why they are requesting no gifts. I bet they'd be grateful for an item that doesn't take up much space like a t-shirt though.

Getthepetwet · 24/05/2019 10:30

Just saw you got clothes... I'd give them that as it isn't plastic tat that's going to take over the living room, which is probably why they've asked for no gifts. I'd just say, "I know you said no gifts, but I had already bought this and it's NOT a toy, I hope you don't mind and I hope you like it!" Clothes is different to the sea of plastic carnage that every parent dreads after each birthday.

daisypond · 24/05/2019 10:32

Toddlers with bank accounts... Really?

Dinolady · 24/05/2019 10:33

Buy a copy of your favorite childhood book and write a little note on the inside for them!

NewSchoolNewName · 24/05/2019 10:43

I’d message the mum and say something along the lines of “I already bought a present before I heard that you didn’t want presents. The present is this t-shirt (add brand / size details & picture). Let me know if you want the t-shirt, if you don’t no problem, I’ll pass it onto other friend / relative”

I’d do that rather than just turning up with the t-shirt, clothes are more useful than toys, but it may be that they’re inundated with clothes as well as toys.

NotWithTheProgramme · 24/05/2019 10:45

Cash in a card and flowers for mum?

DreamingofSunshine · 24/05/2019 10:46

daisypond we have one for his savings, and GPs can give money rather than a gift. Not sure why it's ridiculous?

We are in the process of relocating from a house to a small 2 bed flat. I've said no gifts for toddler DS as we don't have space for extra stuff, even clothes. If I've said no gifts, I really mean it and I'm not secretly hoping people bring stuff.

If you really want to do something, an IOU one soft play entry etc written in the card would be thoughtful idea?

Nonnymum · 24/05/2019 10:48

Essentialhummus ah OK. I mentioned it because that was given at a no gifts children's party I went to and the parents of the parry child thought it was a lovely gesture.
In that case I would contact the parents and say you have bought the T shirt and would it be OK to give it. Scandi baby clothes are lovely and I think the parents probably mean plastic toys rather than clothes

AnnaComnena · 24/05/2019 10:48

Toddlers with bank accounts... Really?

Why not? What else do you do with birthday money when they're too young to spend it and don't need anything? My aunt opened a Post Office Savings account for me when I was a newborn. I had a nice little sum in there by the time I was in my teens.

But if no gifts have been requested, I wouldn't give anything at all. Imagine the reverse:

'We requested no gifts at our 2yos birthday party, but people brought all sorts of stuff - clothes, books, money, a bottle of wine for us. Thing is, we're a bit skint at the moment, and didn't want to get stuck in a cycle of endlessly buying gifts for everyone's children. Now we've been invited to a party for a toddler whose parents ignored our request for no gifts. AIBU to think we shouldn't have to buy a gift?'

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 24/05/2019 10:48

Don't bring a gift. Just take them at their word and respect their wishes.

I've asked people for no gifts before and I mean it.

daisypond · 24/05/2019 10:55

I’ve never heard of toddlers having savings or birthday money in a bank account. Mine never got birthday money from anyone, not Grandparents even. Not until secondary school age.

Aprillygirl · 24/05/2019 10:56

Cash in a card and flowers for mum?

It's jumped from no gifts to gifting both child and it's mother. Wtf?

EleanorLavish · 24/05/2019 10:57

What about a £5 voucher for a local ice cream parlour?

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