Gift for toddler when you’ve been told no gifts?

[EssentialHummus]

Just that really. Invited to small toddler party. Told beforehand in private that we shouldn’t bother with a gift, because they are inundated with stuff. Now I’m pre-embarassed that everyone else will turn up with a gift and I’ll be empty handed. Plus, advance planner that I am, I actually bought the gift prior to having that conversation with the mum. Wwyd?

Give the t shirt - say I’d already bought it and they can regift it or charity shop if they don’t have space for

If it’s a T-shirt rather than a toy I’d give them the gift, saying you’d already bought it and as it’s not a toy you hope they’d still find it useful.

Clothing wouldn't fall into the no gifts category imo they probably don't want more plastic tat filling up the house, I'm always happy with clothing gifts especially good quality ones

I went to a toddler birthday party recently where the mum said no gifts but a donation to a charity she supported if we wished. I agonised about it but in the end respected her decision and put some money in the charity box. Loads of people did bring presents though and I felt a bit embarrassed that I didn't but what else are you supposed to do if that what they say? 🤷🏼‍♀️

I never understand these threads, your friend has specifically asked you not to do something but rather than respect the easy to follow absolutely no skin off your nose instruction you get her up about how to go against it.

I'd be pretty pissed off with you if I was your friend, a toddler doesn't care if you buy a present.

I would give a book or two, you can never have too many

Give it to the mum saying you bought it before the conversation. Clothes always come in handy.

Feel sorry for bairns who have parties and don't get presents, that's a part of the whole thing. It would have been a different story if it was them when they were a kid.

Still, it's material for forums in years to come.

I’m with coconuttelegraph on this. Is the item of clothing to their tastes or even in the right size? My DD is a full size bigger than her age.

What @federationrep says. T shirt sounds useful. Plastic crap toys aren’t.

I would respect the mother's wishes and not take a gift.

I don't understand why, when requested not to take a gift for a birthday or wedding, posters say to put money in a card or take wine/champagne for the bride and groom.

Why do people not respect the wishes of others? I'd be really peed off if I said 'no gifts' and was ignored.

It may be that they don't like excess consumerism, their house is full to overflowing, don't like tat or like to choose their own stuff. Just respect others' wishes. It's not about what you feel or what you want to do.

Get the parents a bottle of wine

Something for the parents to say thanks for hosting?

I'd give the t shirt. I'm sure they are trying to avoid more toys and general clutter. So many peoples houses are over flowing with toys and stuff. Clothing is different.

That's a small parcel, keep it in your bag and decide when you get there.

I'd let the Mum/Dad know you'd already bought a t-shirt and give it to her quietly.

I wouldn’t give anything. They have specifically said not to. Suggestions of £10 in a card are ridiculously extravagant for a toddler.

Book token?

If you've already bought a gift then just say that and give them the T-shirt.

We have said this to everyone for our DS at Christmas' and birthday but everyone still buys things for him and while we appreciate how lucky we are to have so many people who love him, he has far too many toys and clothes.

We then said if people really insist on something for him put a fiver in his bank account or all club together and get him a premium bond.

EssentialHummus I think in your situation I would explain to the parents that the T-Shirt had already been purchased and give it to them quietly as a PP has suggested. I'm sure they will understand that you were just being kind hearted.

Give them the gift. It's practical, not tat. If they are skintish they may appreciate it.

BUT I'd say, anyone who was ever offended by being given a gift, of time, or money, is a bit of a twat.

(caveat, controlling relatives giving gifts that are not gifts excepted)

I would bring a bottle of wine or flowers for the host instead.

I would respect what she says. You're more worried about your feelings of embarrassment than your friend's feelings about having too much stuff. I don't know why people find it so difficult not to take a gift.

You're worrying about looking bad to other guests. Not worrying about following your hosts wishes.

They will smile and be gracious (hopefully) to every gift they unwillingly receive. Internally they will be thinking, 'great, unwanted shite clogging up the house just because your desire to give a gift was more important than my desire not to receive one'.

They will see your empty handedness and think 'thank fuck Essential has her head on straight'.

If you're going to overthink, at least overthink correctly!

I would give them a t-shirt (discreetly) and tell honestly that you already bought it. You can add that it was a sale if you think that they are worried about you spending too much money.
Do you have a gift receipt? If they have 45 t-shirts in this size already they might get something more useful instead.

Money in a card 🤷🏻‍♀️ That’s what I do. I normally get told later they put it towards X that they wanted along with the rest of their birthday money.