...Or am I being bullied by my H?

[RacheyCat]

I'm sorry, but I can't write DH right now, so I'm shortening it to H.

Periodically, my H wants to watch something on TV which I don't, and he won't take No for an answer. One method he uses is to get me to agree to watch 30 mins, and then we can turn it off if I don't enjoy it, but this often just means we row when I call a veto 30 mins into a show he's enjoying.

Last week, he asked me if I wanted to watch the new Catch 22 series. I said I didn't, because I didn't enjoy the book, and he went off sulking. In a moment of weakness, I followed him and said I'd try it.

Last night, he asked me if I wanted to watch it, and I said maybe tomorrow, but I felt so sad, because I don't want to watch it ever and I felt like I was being set-up, because there's no happy way out for me. Either I watch it and I'm miserable, and have to watch it every week, miserably but quietly, or, I tell him I don't want to watch it and have to deal with his anger. I told him this, and he started quizzing me on why I don't want to watch it, and criticized all of my reasons. As usual, I tried to reason that art is subjective, and you can't actually reason someone into appreciating it very easily, and that I didn't want to be subjected to a barrage of questions. He just got more and more annoyed, and I cried.

One of the things he asked me was when I read the book, and so I said that it was when I was 14. He started saying that I was allowing my 14 year old self to control my life now, and I'm not the same person, but really I feel that I've become less forgiving about things rather than more, as I've got older. FTR, I have a BA in English lit and an MA with a dissertation in literature, I teach textual analysis at a university-I'm not someone who is unsure of their tastes, or unschooled in textual appreciation.

Anyway, he became more and more hostile and started saying he didn't want to be married to a 14 year old. I told him I found his behavior coercive and abusive, and he said that I was abusing him, I guess by refusing to watch a show with him.

I slept on the sofa last night. He won't apologise. This happens too often, and it makes me miserable. I don't want to be harassed and coerced into watching something on TV which I won't enjoy, and I think it's entirely unacceptable that he thinks he can browbeat me into doing what he wants.

AIBU?

My XP was like this, he would obsess about wanting me to watch something specific with him that I had zero interest in. I really liked having my hair / back stroked though so I'd just ask him to do that and that was our compromise. Then I'd make sure I was laying infront of him, between him and the tv so he couldn't see my face and promtly go to sleep

Your DH needs to grow up. If his concern was that you don't watch anything together (wants the bonding time) I'd understand, but if that was the case then he would settle for something you both enjoy. He is being ridiculous and needs to grow up.

@kidsmakesomuchwashing

What a stupid argument! Do something else if you don't want to watch and leave him to it!

Much more stupid to have read the OP and not even understood it 🙄

It sounds like there are some shows that he feels excited that you will both enjoy and desperately wants to share them with you - even though you are sometimes convinced you don't want to/won't enjoy it. My hubby was/is like this with Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones..."it's not what you think/you will love the storylines/it's not dark and depressing...well it is but.." I never watched those two series - I think they would be too violent for me.

I can see where both of you are coming from. People are incredulous that you are expected to watch "fully engaged" but on the flip side many of us spend so much time sat with our families all watching our own screens or doing our own thing that it is nice to share something sometimes. We try on occasion with no device family movie or no device "Bake Off" - but it collapses when someone does not want to engage.

I don't think you are being bullied - assuming you can just tell him to get stuffed and go elsewhere but could you agree a way to share entertainment sometimes. This could either be taking turns to choose a movie you like or picking a compromise movie that neither is mad about but neither hates. I would still have red lines myself though like I wouldn't watch horrors that are going to upset me even if my hubby said that was his choice but being bored (or pleasantly surprised) watching sci fi/action I can suck up.

It can be hard to agree on an family movie in our house that myself and hubby can both tolerate but is suitable for our 9 year old. When we chose on mother's day and they wanted star wars I pulled rank as it was mother's day and they say through Princess Diaries (bless em) not that I was that into it but it was child appropriate and not animated!

You can put your foot down and tell your hubby you won't entertain what he wants you to watch end of discussion but I do think you will be stamping on a part of him that wants to share his interests and enjoyment with you. Humour him when you can/ refuse when you can't and make sure you get your turn to choose so he returns the favour.

@Cheeserton

How old are you both? Sounds like both 14 if you ask me. Ever considered leaving him to get on with watching stuff he likes and either watching or doing something else yourself? Is there a law that says you have to watch TV together or the world ends?

Another one who hasn’t understood the OP 🙄

THE OP HAS EXPLAINED THE TEAT BADGER IS TRYING TO FORCE HER TO WATCH TV WITH HIM. SHE’S NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO READ A BOOK

Fine, but the whole post was focused on WHAT she was being forced to watch, not just being forced to watch TV, per se. Apologies if this was further clarified later.

@kidsmakesomuchwashing - What a stupid argument! Do something else if you don't want to watch and leave him to it!

Have you really not understood the thread at all? This is not the issue at all!

OP doesn't even like watching TV and would prefer to do other things but her H throws huge tantrums if she doesn't watch "fully engaged" with him and interrogates her for hours on her reasons for not watching and rubbishes her answers.

@Cheeserton

Fine, but the whole post was focused on WHAT she was being forced to watch, not just being forced to watch TV, per se. Apologies if this was further clarified later.

No it wasn’t . Here’s the whole post with worst bits in bold.

“Periodically, my H wants to watch something on TV which I don't, and he won't take No for an answer. One method he uses is to get me to agree to watch 30 mins, and then we can turn it off if I don't enjoy it, but this often just means we row when I call a veto 30 mins into a show he's enjoying.

Last week, he asked me if I wanted to watch the new Catch 22 series. I said I didn't, because I didn't enjoy the book, and he went off sulking . In a moment of weakness, I followed him and said I'd try it.

Last night, he asked me if I wanted to watch it, and I said maybe tomorrow, but I felt so sad, because I don't want to watch it ever and I felt like I was being set-up, because there's no happy way out for me. Either I watch it and I'm miserable, and have to watch it every week, miserably but quietly, or, I tell him I don't want to watch it and have to deal with his anger. I told him this, and he started quizzing me on why I don't want to watch it, and criticized all of my reasons. As usual, I tried to reason that art is subjective, and you can't actually reason someone into appreciating it very easily, and that I didn't want to be subjected to a barrage of questions. He just got more and more annoyed, and I cried.

One of the things he asked me was when I read the book, and so I said that it was when I was 14. He started saying that I was allowing my 14 year old self to control my life now, and I'm not the same person, but really I feel that I've become less forgiving about things rather than more, as I've got older. FTR, I have a BA in English lit and an MA with a dissertation in literature, I teach textual analysis at a university-I'm not someone who is unsure of their tastes, or unschooled in textual appreciation.

Anyway, he became more and more hostile and started saying he didn't want to be married to a 14 year old. I told him I found his behavior coercive and abusive, and he said that I was abusing him, I guess by refusing to watch a show with him.

I slept on the sofa last night. He won't apologise. This happens too often, and it makes me miserable. I don't want to be harassed and coerced into watching something on TV which I won't enjoy, and I think it's entirely unacceptable that he thinks he can browbeat me into doing what he wants.