To wonder why men still do this?

[Marvelboys]

I was sitting at some traffic lights today in my car, nice sunny day so window wound down, toddler ds in the back, minding my own business waiting for little guys to change.. A youngish man in a van waiting at lights going on opposite direction.

All of a sudden he shouted really loud at me "I hope you've washed it". I jumped out of my skin as it startled me, and looked over to see who was shouting, so he laughed and mimicked my jumping, I gave him a filthy look and he loudly said "hahahaha" and drove off.

I think the "hope you've washed it" was referring to my hair as I was fiddling with my hair. But really, what the fuck?

I thought my days of casual street harassment were over but apparently not.

It's a behaviour that is learned and conditioned by a society (including women) that condones, and often even rewards, it.

I don't think that women necessarily condone it. Rather, the "boys will be boys" line is a deeply hidden coping mechanism to stop yourself getting too bothered by it. We've learned that in getting too bothered about these things we run the risk of being seen as awkward man-hating women.

I think there's this idea that because some women like it, all women have to put up with it. Which is rubbish because if you're in doubt whether or not a woman might like being catcalled, it's probably best to keep a lid on it.

I think many women tolerate it, or try to shrug it off, because frankly that's often the safest thing to do. You can never be sure if the man/men you do stand up to will turn nasty.

one of the joys of being scottish(and spending time in a small(lesser evolved possibly)village is,when stuck for abuse to fling you can always revert right back to "naw,yer maw."....(washed it).theres alot of ground naw yer maw can cover. ..

Drogosnextwife, and so many others

Thank you for pointing out my poor thought processes. I will sit quietly in a corner and contemplate the error of my ways for a while.

Although anyone feeling rage that I mentioned the influence of having two daughters needs to consider some anger management therapy.

wertuio I saw nothing wrong with your post. You apologised and stated that you had seen the error of your ways. What more can you do?

@Siameasy

Yes Egypt was the worst place I have been for harassment-I refuse to ever go again and that goes for North Africa in general because the worst culprits for hissing etc in Spanish cities are groups North African men who “hang around”.
You do realise that’s a racist generalisation.

I was leaving work and walking to my car, down a busy road with traffic yesterday. About to turn a corner when the driver of a van (right in front of the red lights) shouted ‘YOU’RE GOING TO CAUSE CAR ACCIDENTS YOU!’. Normally I’m pretty stoic & pretend that I can’t hear/see cat callers but he caught me off guard, I just looked at him and rolled my eyes. Like surely he should be watching the road to, you know, literally not cause car accidents. The lights could have changed any second!

In the moment I felt annoyed, but looking back I find it quite funny.

wertuio - I hope you dont mind me asking but why did it take for you to have daughters to realise the error of your ways?
Presumably you had a mother, sisters, aunt, grandmother etc? Surely when the idea of cat calling to a female member of your family would be appalling to you, even at 17/18.

I dont mean for this to be a criticism, I'm just curious.

Minou

It didn’t ‘take my having two daughters’ to stop me catcalling women in the street. It was me growing up that did that.

I said
I know better now and as the father of two DDs i would challenge anyone I saw acting this way
I guess that at 17/18 it felt like harmless fun.
We laughed at Benny Hill chasing or being chased by scantily clad women. We tuned into the Black & White Minstrel Show. Some people even laughed at Bernard Manning.
-We all- most of us grew out of it. I certainly had by the time I got married which was some years before I had children.

Also, got to say, they don't do this abroad. It's a British thing. Ugh.

You've got to be joking. Maybe you've never experienced it abroad, which is great, but it's absolutely not a British thing. US, Greece, Italy, Spain, India (relentless)... all harassment hotspots from my experience. Oddly never had the problem in Turkey. Lucky me.

A bonus of being 50 plus. I don’t get this shit anymore. My poor DDs do though at 19 and 13!

Although anyone feeling rage that I mentioned the influence of having two daughters needs to consider some anger management therapy

How patronising.

Keep digging ...

I can’t stand Jack the lad type men. They think they’re hilarious and can get any woman they want. Even more annoying when they’re ugly as fuck and think they’re gods gift.

He thought it was just harmless banter/flirty behaviour with a woman, but sometimes women just don’t want to engage in this type of stuff. I hate it when men make comments and expect you to laugh along with it and if you don’t then you’re a “moody cow” fuck off!

Also, when you have stuff going on in your life and you’re feeling sad/angry/stressed etc... or if you’re a mum with a young child and you’re sleep deprived and trying to just go about your day with little interaction with the public as possible (me), these comments are extremely irritating!

I watched a 3 part doc on the Yorkshire Ripper, the other night on BBC iplayer. When women were terrified to walk the streets an American lady did a study of this very thing. She found that the level of abuse went up at this time and heightened the terror and subjugation of women. The language used at the highest level about women of loose morals, not just the poor prostitutes but just a woman who went to the pub with out her husband was appalling. Just 40 years ago and not much different now just more hidden. That's why they do it the cowardly little shits.

Climbs off box.

A couple of years ago, my ds who was 9 at the time turned round to me and asked "why do men in vans stare at women so much?". I responded by explaining they are looking to see if they are pretty, which is very rude because people are going out for a reason (get on with their day, go to work, the shops etc). They have not gone out for other people to judge them on how they look. A while later, my ds and I were walking down the road and I suddenly heard him scream at a truck which drove past "stop looking at my mum!".

I used to get this ALL THE TIME.
Cabbies offering me free lifts. Bus drivers changing route mid way to get me home quicker(if i was the only one on that bus).
Drivers kerb crawling alongside me telling me what a cracker I was and how they'd love to show me a good time and treat me like a queen.
Then I would get customers coming into my shop to tell me I was gorgeous. Then people telling my bf they'd like to get in my knickers.
On and on it went. I've blocked alot of it out.
Thank FUCK I'm invisible now. I also blank people and NEVER make eye contact now.Far safer.

I hope my DD doesn't get as much SHITE as I did. She's 12.

Formerbabe - 😍😍😍at your son. He sounds really lovely. X x

@Hiddenaspie1973

Thank you...

It’s not a British thing, a guy in Spain reached over and squeezed my breast as I passed him in the street. A few years ago in Britain I was walking my DS to school and pushing his sister in a pushchair when a man leaned into my face and shouted MILF.

I had numerous similar experiences in Tunisia. It’s a universal male problem, the men who don’t behave like this should do more to help us to challenge it.

Lakielady

Although anyone feeling rage that I mentioned the influence of having two daughters needs to consider some anger management therapy

How patronising.

Keep digging ...

grabs spade from shed
Is patronising acceptable terminology these days?
What word do we use to describe similar behaviour by women? Matronising?

Whatever, people’s rage at their misread of what I wrote symptomises the failings of forum-based debate. People misread/misinterpret posts and then leap to judgement on the flimsiest of understanding of the issue. Emotions are always at an extreme. I could appreciate that some folk might be a bit cross if they thought it took me having daughters to see that catcalling etc was wrong.
Rage though? At someone you’ve never met? You don’t think that’s an over-reaction?

Oh @formerbabe that brought a tear to my eye what a brilliant, brilliant boy!!!!!

And really well explained to him by you in the first place - I'm going to file your explanation in my brain for when I have kids of my own!

@ThatCurlyGirl
Thanks! He's a gem!

I got my arse felt on the train when I was younger. People were queuing up to exit and the perv behind me decided to grab my bank side. I grabbed his wrist and thrust his hand up high in the air and shouted ‘EXCUSE ME HAS ANYONE LOST THIS? I HAVE JUST FOUND IT STUCK ON MY ARSE!’

I think women should try to challenge this shite when safe to do so. Recently one of the foremen at the building site down the road was being ‘hilarious’ in his daily interaction as he liked to see me thrown off balance. One day him and another guy were putting out road cones and he spotted me and said ‘it’s raining love I thought you ladies didn’t like getting wet hair, you should have a brolly’. I stopped and rolled my eyes then said ‘us ladies? God are you always this sexist or is it a special one off performance today!’ He ignored me after that.