To wonder why men still do this?

[Marvelboys]

I was sitting at some traffic lights today in my car, nice sunny day so window wound down, toddler ds in the back, minding my own business waiting for little guys to change.. A youngish man in a van waiting at lights going on opposite direction.

All of a sudden he shouted really loud at me "I hope you've washed it". I jumped out of my skin as it startled me, and looked over to see who was shouting, so he laughed and mimicked my jumping, I gave him a filthy look and he loudly said "hahahaha" and drove off.

I think the "hope you've washed it" was referring to my hair as I was fiddling with my hair. But really, what the fuck?

I thought my days of casual street harassment were over but apparently not.

Oh god yeah "cheer up love it might never happen" when you don't respond to a disgusting comment or sleazy up and down look with that gross smile pervy men like that do.

Do they get a script at birth that tells them to say comments like this - it seems such a frequent thing it's engrained in them!

I sometimes say "if your daughter was walking on this road alone would you like her to be spoken to like that". Or on a bad day I call them a cunt.

It is so scary when you're alone to hear that noise of a car slowing down to match the pace of your walk and making comments on you. Makes me shudder.

I don't think they realise that it's an inherently violent gesture to make a woman feel threatened and unsafe. I don't get why they do it - surely they know from our reactions it's unwanted.

Unless someone has hopped in their slowing car and given them a blowie after such comments I don't understand why they keep doing it.

You get to a point when you wonder if some of them enjoy making women frightened.

wertuio

It didn't take for me to have 2 sons to realise that men and boys were human beings. I wonder why

Going back to driving, my pet hate is men that stop and flash to let you out at a junction but then get annoyed when you don’t because there’s traffic coming from the opposite direction. Mate, I’m not going to kill myself just because you’ve deigned to be nice to a lady!

Yes! WTF is that all about. Or you don't see them flash and they get annoyed that you don't go! Just follow the fucki g rules of the road, save the confusion. The obviously think they are some sort of night in shining armour. I just ignore them now. I've never had a woman do this, I've also never had a run in with a woman on the road or in a car park.

....and men that want to pull into a side road when you're crossing the middle of the road and can't just slow down and wait but beep aggressively. Listen fella, I looked before crossing and it was clear and I don't have eyes in the back of my head as I'm walking.

I sometimes say "if your daughter was walking on this road alone would you like her to be spoken to like that". Or on a bad day I call them a cunt.

I would never do this again after I told a group of guys in a car to fuck off after they shouted comments as I was cycling. They followed me home, kept revving the car up to the bike and then stopping just short of hitting me, shouted really, really vile comments (saying they would anally rape me). I didn't know what to do as it was a leafy, quiet suburb with no one much around (it was the middle of the day, at the weekend but still very quiet). I ended up going down a footpath as I knew they couldn't follow me down there with a car, but I was terrified they'd get out of the car and run after me, as I was then very isolated. Luckily they didn't.

I remember getting home in floods of tears and my (male) housemate being just so shocked - 'I didn't know people did things like that'.

@origamiunicorn
Really I used to visit US a lot and the men and boys in NY used to approach me and my sister continually, we also took a road trip and stopped in a well known tourist destination where the kitchen staff kept coming out and ogling us suggestively it was horrible.

NewAccount270219, that's terrible. Pieces of shit, that goes way beyond "nice tits", which is obviously fucking awful too. That is physically intimidating and vile. I do think a lot of men find it really unpleasant to hear about it too, they don't do it so assume other men don't.

origamiunicorn I used to have to cross a certain road and this happened to me on a daily basis. My absolute favourite thing to do was stop dead, stare into their car as though they wanted to engage with me, faux-realise that they wanted me to move, give them the snottiest uncomfortably long stare and then walk as slowly as humanly possibly across the road. It became a sport.

I sometimes I was walking with my 4 year old clumsy DS and there is no way in hell I was putting him in danger because a man wants to be somewhere 10 seconds sooner.

Thanks mamatino. The thing is, their initial comment was just 'nice arse' so afterwards I felt like maybe it was my fault for escalating a fairly innocuous situation by telling them to fuck off. I didn't think that on any rational level, but deep down I did feel it.

I always felt a bit on edge cycling down that road for the whole time I lived there after that.

Definitely not just a British thing.

When I was 12, we went on holiday to Tunisia. My dad actually had men approach him asking if they could buy me, or swap me for camels!!!

But perhaps it was a local game to trick the English tourists?

New Account I am sure your arse is lovely, but still not anyone else's business but yours. Telling them to fuck off for sexually harrasing you in the street didn't give them the green light to terrify you and threaten to rape you. Good god, how dispicable. I know why you feel on some level it was your fault. Well it wasn't. We don't think we know these kinds of men but statistically we must do, they are all someone's husband, son, brother friend etc. Its just really frightening. Two blokes got fired on my husbands site last year for shouting at a couple of girls in (school) uniform about their tits. It was their work mates that reported them so some hope out there.

Some years ago, when DW was around 7 months pregnant, she was having a lunchtime walk near where she worked and a car went past, then made a u-turn and stopped next to her. A man got out, declaring how lovely she was and if she'd like to go for a drink. She gestured to her bump, but the guy said 'it doesn't matter, I can take care of you!'. He gave her his card and told her to call him. Utterly bizarre behaviour.

It would never even occur to me to make comments to a woman, from a car or in the street, or approach one in that way, ever. It's incomprehensible.

I once had a fairly horrible experience driving along a dual carriageway alone late (ish) at night, with very few cars on the road. A car full of young men started doing that thing where they'd pull alongside, then eventually overtake and immediately slow down so I was forced to overtake them and then once I pulled back in they sped up, pulled out and alongside again - this went on for a few miles. I felt quite intimidated (and I'm a bolshy stroppy cow usually) but what made it particularly icky was that the bloke in the back on the passenger side actually knelt up on the seat - which was idiotic anyway given the erratic way his mate was driving and the fact we were doing 70 - and started actually wanking his cock at me

I was well into my 40s and walking up the road minding my own business when a young guy shouted "Show us yer ginger minge!" at me from across the street!

Sadly it seems you are never too old to be harassed by knobheads who find themselves funny

NewAccount that's horrendous and it definitely wasn't your fault. I had an argument with a so-called 'nice guy' on here not that long ago who didn't believe me when I said that the response of most of these types of men, if you indicate that their unsolicited catcall is unwanted, is to become abusive and sometimes threatening which is why it's not a compliment, but sadly your experience backs up exactly what I was trying to get across. I'm sorry that happened to you.

You get to a point when you wonder if some of them enjoy making women frightened.

They're mostly entitled yet inadequate men who have no real power in their lives so have to try to manufacture it by making themselves feel powerful in relation to women they've just insulted, belittled and in some cases terrified. I don't wonder any more, I'm sure of it.

I went running approx six weeks after giving birth... I was very gently running through our local park, wind in my hair, fresh air in my lungs, feeling so enthused to be out of the house just for a moment... then I hear “bloody hell love, good job you’re not running for the bus!!!! Get a chufty on!!” Shouted across the park st me by a man on the park bench!!!!! Just so rude.

Either ignore or smile and wave anything else and you risk getting called.a bitch or.worse

Ughhh I had exactly this yesterday and it drove me mad. I had been in London for work meetings and then got back to my large town about 2.30. Hadn't eaten so decided to stop at a cafe off the main roads for lunch. It's a narrow dead end road with a parking bit at one end for some flats, and then turns into a pedestrian alley to the high st. It's beautifully sunny, I'm in a full work gear (jeans and blazer) and feeling unbearably hot so I take my lunch out onto the benches outside the cafe.
Sitting there enjoying my food and drink and catching up on emails. Uber driver comes past, and is eye to eye to me due to my bench being quite high. Makes a face and winks at me, I ignore and carry on eating. He parks up in the spaces, lets his passenger out. I can feel him staring at me the entire time I was eating. I finish eating quickly, and go to get the bus home, knowing I have to walk past his car. I walk by and surprisingly, nothing! for a millisecond. Then a car honks. I look around, thinking, maybe another car has pulled up behind me some how. He's sat in his car beckoning me to come over. I roll my eyes and carry on walking, he beeps again, I ignore. I hear him shout something out the window but couldn't make it out as was in the alley by this point.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE. Why is me eating lunch an invitation for harassment?!

I was in my block of flats waiting for a lift going down when I heard the immortal lines "Tea with two sugars Love". There were maintenance guys outside working on our windows.

Make your own bloody tea, love! I am having a big think about this but I reckon they never ever say that to a man. Never tell a man to "cheer up love either". Only us women should be grinning from ear to ear at the prospect of making them a cup of tea!!!!

Boohootoyotoo - that was magic what you did!

Today I was told to take my dress off as I walked with my baby and dog past a busy tram stop
A couple of weeks ago a man on a bus asked me what size dildos I like best, had a glance at my baby, then said "They'll have to be thick ones after that."

'It's a good question. Why do men do this? It's so odd. A lifetime of their shit behaviour being excused by enabling women saying things like 'boys will be boys' and so on.
Everyday sexism and all that. So depressing.'

Complaining about sexism whilst blaming women for men being mouthy. You couldn't make it up.

It happens everywhere but definitely worse in some countries. Turkey is unbelievable.
I watched Thelma and Louise again recently, the scene where they torched the letchy truck driver’s truck was so cathartic.

I wasn't blaming women for men being mouthy itscalled, I said that women enabled this behaviour and sense of entitlement. Obviously not all women. But I can't tell you the number of times I've heard other women (also parents) who literally do say 'boys will be boys' about their sons/ other young boys' behaviour. I don't think men are born inherently abusive, threatening, entitled arseholes. It's a behaviour that is learned and conditioned by a society (including women) that condones, and often even rewards, it.

I stopped putting up with this shit years ago.

I now photographed the van/car if safe to do so. Normally they shit themselves and shut up immediately. Especially if it's a company van or car.

If it's cat calling or harassment, I just reply." Hope your mother,wife, partner and sister are having the same done to them as you are doing to me. Normally shuts them up