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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Exes new girlfriend stalking me

91 replies

Wotsitsareorange · 23/05/2019 10:56

I'm not really sure if this is an aibu, but I just don't know what else to do.
I spilt from my ex, dcs dad 5 years ago and we've had a pretty amicable relationship with only the odd blow up of small things.

Last year he moved in with a woman 14 years younger than him and 12 years younger than me, since then there has been nothing but trouble. My DC have been to their house once although he has seen them at mine and taken them out, but no overnights, which was one of our main arguments.
Two months ago his girlfriend hacked into his phone and got personal information about one of our DC from a group chat created by the club that he goes to, which she denies doing. I let that slide as I didn't want to get into a fight with either of them over it.

Then last week I had someone request me on Facebook and Instagram, it turns out it was her and her friends trying to look at profile, its since transpired that she is extremely jealous of me and thinks that I'm sleeping with my ex, which I'm not.
I told him what had happened and again shes denying it, but dropping herself in it as she told him about old pictures that I have up of him and the dcs.

So shes kicked off again and locked him out of the house they live in, also not for the first time and he ended up sleeping on my sofa. Now I'm trying my best not to get involved but I really don't know what to do, as this woman also wants to spend time with my dcs and I'm struggling to trust her as she seems totally unhinged.

OP posts:
mabelmylove · 23/05/2019 10:58

She sounds batshit, but I’m not sure adding you on social media can be considered stalking

Original poster
Wotsitsareorange · 23/05/2019 11:00

Even if it's from 3-4 different profiles per week?

OP posts:
Original poster
Wotsitsareorange · 23/05/2019 11:00

Shes also sending me messages from his accounts pretending to be him.

OP posts:
Shakirasma · 23/05/2019 11:03

How is letting him sleep on your sofa not getting involved?

RestingBitchFaced · 23/05/2019 11:03

I assume your not adding people you don't know so how has she seen your old photos?

hsegfiugseskufh · 23/05/2019 11:04

how do you know all this?

SupaNintendoChalmers · 23/05/2019 11:07

She's insecure to the point of being slightly unstable by the sounds of it.
Jealous and slightly curious about an ex = normal.
Adding the ex from multiple accounts to inspect their social media = bizarre

Original poster
Wotsitsareorange · 23/05/2019 11:09

Yes sometimes I do add people I don't know, but that's not really the issue here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wotsitsareorange · 23/05/2019 11:11

I know because hes told me and I've had messages from her.

@shakira I let him sleep on my sofa because he is my children's dad, there is nothing in it and he left at 6am to go to work.

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Lairydea · 23/05/2019 11:12

Well it is the issue if you know she's trying to catfish you. Stop adding randoms, stop letting him stay on your sofa and back away from the drama - if needs be keep discussions to parenting issues only. Hopefully she'll get bored and it'll all revert to being peaceful and amicable.

SupaNintendoChalmers · 23/05/2019 11:15

Can you just say to her "if you wanted to look at my social media you could have just added me from your actual account?" And confront her that way.
If you don't want to be involved I'd just make everything I use completely private and not accept anyone new until it blows over.
Who knows what you ex has said to her as well to trigger this kind of jealousy, maybe he has made comments about you to her.

hsegfiugseskufh · 23/05/2019 11:15

so you don't want to get involved but you're speaking to your ex about it?

just ignore the requests and tell your ex he cant stay.

seems to me like you're enjoying the drama of being "stalked" just block, block, block.

She's clearly interested in your life, but you don't have to entertain it!

Cuddlysnowleopard · 23/05/2019 11:15

Change your settings so you can only accept friends of friends. You won't even see her requests. Leave her and your ex to sort out their own arguments.

IncrediblySadToo · 23/05/2019 11:26

You don’t need to do anything more than give her enough rope.

Tell Ex that he’s welcome to stay, he’s welcome to talk to you, see the kids etc but that you really do not want her anywhere near them.

Purplecatshopaholic · 23/05/2019 11:28

She sounds very insecure, but this is his problem not yours. Dont let him sleep on the sofa, that will just fuel problems. Avoid the drama!

Original poster
Wotsitsareorange · 23/05/2019 11:30

@plantpot no, I am not enjoying any of it I don't get any satisfaction from the drama, infact I distanced myself from him because i didn't want to cause drama in his relationship.
This has been going on since they have been together and I only got involved when she started to interfere with my children and other peoples children by accessing their information.

I am fully aware that my ex maybe adding fuel to the fire, by talking about me to her but I don't know any of what hes said about me unless he tells me.
I have messaged her once only, telling her to leave me alone, I've blocked all of her personal accounts and phone numbers and have even changed my own number but she went through his phone and has now got it.

OP posts:
Acis · 23/05/2019 11:30

Surely your ex can find somewhere else to stay besides your house?

Pinkvoid · 23/05/2019 11:31

Either remove yourself from social media until she disappears or change your privacy settings and block each account she keeps doing this from (she should eventually get bored...)

Would also be having strong words with your ex about her, he needs to think more of his DC than his dick.

hsegfiugseskufh · 23/05/2019 11:34

tell him you don't want to hear about her, and stop letting him sleep at your house. You're not doing a very good job of not being involved.

UnicornBrexit · 23/05/2019 11:34

Two months ago his girlfriend hacked into his phone and got personal information about one of our DC from a group chat created by the club that he goes to, which she denies doing.

'hacked' ?

Many hackers seek out and download code written by other people. There are thousands of different programs hackers use to explore computers and networks. ... The trial and error method of hacking passwords is called a brute force attack, meaning the hacker tries to generate every possible combination to gain access.

You mean she picked up his phone had a look ?

Original poster
Wotsitsareorange · 23/05/2019 11:35

I do understand what everyone's saying about not letting him sleep on the sofa, but as I said there was nothing in it.
I'd just picked up the DC from him he went home called and said she locked him out so I said he could stay on the sofa.

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MzHz · 23/05/2019 11:37

Tell your ex that this woman is not a safe person for him to have in his life and that he has kids he needs to be responsible for.

Tell him that you are going to the police about her behaviour and that unless he removes her from his life, and by association/extension you/the children that
You may have to limit or revisit contact

He knows she is batshit and he needs an excuse to man up and sort this out.

Yes it’s interfering, a lot controlling, but she has to go and he’s been conditioned into putting up with this shit.

I would not ordinarily say for him to be kipping on your sofa, but if it means she ftfo out of the picture, all the better for him

Original poster
Wotsitsareorange · 23/05/2019 11:41

@UnicornBrexit no I mean she took his phone changed all the passwords to all his accounts, changed his number to hers on WhatsApp then messaged every female contact in his phone including me, sexual messages waiting for a response from someone.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 23/05/2019 11:43

I'd be tempted to shag him out of spite Grin

Original poster
Wotsitsareorange · 23/05/2019 11:46

Tbh I really don't care about who he's with and know that it's down to him to either get out or continue how he has been.
My only concern is my children and I wanted to know if I was justified in saying to him that she is batshit crazy and I don't trust her.

Because as everyone knows sometimes the ex wife does come across as wanting to control her ex husband.
I'm not that woman and both of us have had relationships since splitting, this being his second one.

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