To approach a man I see running?

[messychocolate]

I go for a run every Saturday morning and I quite regularly see a man who is also running. A few weeks ago he was wearing shorts and I admit I probably did look him up and down when we passed each other and I think he saw this. I then gave him a little smile, which most people do when they pass each other. When we passed each other a second time I think he wiped his sweat off and adjusted himself just before we got to each other.

Fast forward a couple of weeks and when I saw him next I looked down as I was a bit embarrassed to be honest but just as we passed, I looked up at him and he was smiling at me.

Anyway, he is good looking and for some reason I am really drawn to him. Obviously I know nothing about him or his relationship status but AIBU to try and flirt, or say something to him, try and attract his attention etc? What should I do?

Iboogy, in the very early days of MN, when they had very low poster numbers, Justine and Carrie (original MN founders) used to have multiple usernames and sock themselves to make the site look active

So OP is a drama troll. Big shock.

Oh my word I just read this whole thread and got really into it to then find it's the same women who wants to tell the guy she's been sleeping with wife who has recently had a baby that he's a cheat and she's so jealous he's gone back to his wife she wants to destroy him 🙄 ffs!

This is made up right?

@EntirelyAnonymised there's one or two posters now that I sometimes think are planted by hq just to keep threads going. I can't figure out how they're not kicked off otherwise as they can be quite aggressive.

Thank goodness for that, I can stop reading this

@Popc0rn How do we know messychocolate is onceacheat ? Is it just from content?

@chickenninja it just all sounds too similar, especially the bit about him breaking his leg.

Doubt the OP will come back now. Won't be able to admit the mistake.

@chickenninja
We was all asking for an update from the OP (messychocolate) and then she updated us and said 'I didn't see him' but with her other username by accident and her other username is onceacheat which is the username of someone who was writing about having an affair with a married man

Tbf, the advice to get over her work man was to occupy herself with other things...

Ah, so OP was married but was having an affair with a man at work. He was also married, with a child. She broke it off with the married man and dumped her husband. She then began seeing married man again and then he broke it off...I think that is right. In the middle of this she is also looking out for running man too.

OP- on one of your other threads someone told you to be alone for a little while and work on your self esteem. In light of your name change fail and the extra info, I think this advice clearly still stands. Move on from the married man, stop eyeing up men whilst out running and work on liking yourself again.

Yes, yes name change fail! I had an affair with a married man... I'm not going to tell his wife, I'm not stalking him, I made a mistake. I got feelings for him and now I'm trying to move on.

I'm not pursuing this running man because I need a break from men and he looked actually older than I thought, so too old for me anyway.

Yes, I have two threads running at once but some people are way too invested and clearly spend too much time judging others when only very small snippets of information about a person and their life is posted. Of course I am sure all these people have never made a mistake in their life!

Oh. I've suddenly lost interest in this thread.

Ah of course! Thanks Ginger and Nel123, I get it now.

Well there's mistakes and then there's...ummmm....

Op, I think you are feeling very lonely. And it’s unhealthy for you to move from one relationship to another until you have resolved your inner struggles.

Focus on your self esteem. Your broken marriage obviously left an impact on you. Try not to let your desperation to fill that void, cloud your judgement. The more you make mistakes the worse it will be for you to recover and move on.

Seek counselling. If in your marriage there was no love or affection, your inner soul is obviously constantly trying to seek external validation that you are a loveable human being. You might misinterpret friendly gestures.. you might attract men who want to use you then dump you.. but you certainly won’t attract a healthy relationship, because first you need to be at peace and healthy emotionally.

You don’t need running man to revive that feeling within you about being desired. You don’t need it from office man. You need it from yourself.

Easier said than done. But it’s worth knowing that, any efforts in obtaining a man to forget about a previous one, is rebound and will push you back on your journey.

Perhaps you already know all of that. You have contributed messing up another woman’s marriage, but that’s not because you are naturally selfish, it’s probably because you are struggling and desperate and so messing up your own life too as you are losing sense of what’s healthy and what’s not... at the hope of one small acknowledgement of desirability.

It’s aweful to have been in a loveless marriage. It’s not your fault that this happened. And you do deserve to be loved. Just make sure you don’t do that while you are desperate.. because you can lose sight of how you are obtaining that, and of morality.

Good luck

Nicely said and reasoned, @IABUQueen.

If a man wants to have an affair with you, it’s probably because he gets the impression that you are desperate for attention and willing to risk anything for it... with no regard to how and where it comes from.

He probably realises that your self worth is minimal. And this sets the tone of that relationship. He is too good for u and can leave you whenever it isn’t working for him to get a cheap lazy thrill.

If his love for you was real, he would’ve realised that it was a wake up call that his marriage wasn’t working and that he needs to respect you and his wife enough to end things BEFORE he starts anything with you. But clearly he knew form the start it wasn’t serious. You knew that too. But couldn’t care less because you were blinded by desperation. Which he knows.

I do have sympathy for you. But I also judge you. That you are in a situation where you are desperate enough to build your transient fulfilment on someone else’s happiness. It’s your choice to get out of that situation and you need to be proactive about healing yourself so you don’t fall into many of those.

Hmm, I think you saying that a married man who cheats on his wife of 3 years and has 6 month old baby for a bit of fun, is too good for me (or anyone) is a bit odd to be honest.

Shit! Just revisted this thread and eeek

In other words, as a keynote type thing, don't double down and please sort yourself out before doing anything that involves a man!
I hope IABUQueen agrees with the summary!

I actually ended the affair first and then sort of changed my mind (wrongly) by saying I still wanted him. It was then that he ended it properly. So I then knew he would never leave his wife.... now I have understood I need to move on. I never said anything to him other than I agree that the affair had to end.

Oh dear....OP.
As you have written your last post, did it not cross your mind, that he was not good enough for you ?

I know that now... I think it was the attention I craved rather than him per se. I realise that now.

Personally, any bloke who comes onto a woman when they have a recent addition to the family, is a scroat.