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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What should I have done?

92 replies

BrainScience · 21/05/2019 21:15

Feeling a bit shit at the moment due to a variety of things but topped by a situation earlier.

I collected my dc’s from school this afternoon. They were both exhausted as 6yo had forest school and 3yo had a trip to the beach (involving a mile walk). I needed to stop at the local shop on the walk back from school as we had nothing in. I go to this shop probably 3-4 times a week, am friendly with most of the staff.

I’m carrying dc’s book bags in one hand and shopping basket in the other. As soon as we get in the shop 3yo lies down on the floor. I tell him to get up as people will stand on him but he refuses and starts crying. I put the bags down, pick up dc2 and carry him to what I need, going backwards and forwards between basket on floor with bags and shelves.

A lady who works there that I haven’t seen before tells me I can’t leave my bags there, they’re a health and safety hazard. I tell her I’ll move them if they get in someone’s way (only one other person in the shop at the time) and she tells me they’re in her way, she was going to stack some shelves right there. So I pick them up and put them out of the way in the next aisle. She follows me and says I can’t leave them there either. I’m a bit fed up at this point and just say ‘it’ll be fine, I won’t be a minute.’ She marches off and then comes back and says ‘is that your child on his own on the other side of the shop? He needs to be accompanied.’ 6yo is doing what he always does - gone to look at the magazines, not touching them, just looking and the whole shop is 4 aisles so not like he’s going to get lost/ snatched/ explode.

At this point I just say ‘oh for gods sake’, pick up the bag, walk out and leave the basket while woman is shaking her head at me like I’m the most incompetent person in the world. Now I have no food for breakfast and fobbed dc’s off with a sandwich for tea as we have nothing in. Dc’s were too tired for me to drive them to a shop, if they fell asleep in the car we’d be up until midnight.

What was I supposed to do? The whole time she was just looking at me as if my children were being animals and I was completely useless. Was shop lady being a twat or was I just being a pita? I’m so annoyed.

OP posts:

Neverender · 21/05/2019 21:19

I don't think you did anything wrong or there was much else you could have done. Hugs

MaryPopppins · 21/05/2019 21:20

I think it's tough from both sides and probably no right answer here.

She was being a cow and a jobsworth.

But equally you can't leave bags/basket on a shop floor and a 6YO shouldn't be unattended IMO.

I'm sure I'll get flamed for it.

What the lady could have done is assist you with what you needed from the shelves while you dealt with your kids.

Or you could have not shopped until you'd calmed you child down.

Mycatwontstopstaring · 21/05/2019 21:23

Honestly I’d write a letter of complaint to the shop. You were obviously in a bit of a tricky situation and handling it well, she could have been supportive eg friendly chat to one of the kids, but instead she chose to be a bitch. She has issues.

Sorry your 3 yr old had to walk a mile!

Cariadne · 21/05/2019 21:23

If I had been her I would have helped you, not hounded you.

Hope you’re ok tomorrow will be better!

ihadedto · 21/05/2019 21:24

Mary Poppins let me be the first one to flame you for it. Petty, petty, petty.

Sorry you had to leave OP you pretty much had no choice, she was making you feel so uncomfortable. What an utter cow. Nasty.

NoSauce · 21/05/2019 21:24

She was being a twat for sure. Hope tomorrow is a better day OP

coffeeandbiscuit · 21/05/2019 21:26

She could have taken 5 minutes to just help and get you on your way. This isn’t your fault. At all. Brush it off and leave it at her door — it was her issue, not yours.

Original poster

BrainScience · 21/05/2019 21:28

Is it really bad to leave 6yo unattended in a shop? Not being bitchy, just genuinely curious as it had never occurred to me. It’s not a massive supermarket, I’d be uncomfortable with him out of my sight somewhere like that. But it’s just a little local co-op with 4 aisles, there’s no replies as it’s not big enough for that.

OP posts:

sailorcherries · 21/05/2019 21:29

Was your basket and the book bags beside you or just left on the floor, elsewhere in the shop, with you carrying food items and your DS back and forth between the two? And then when you moved it you put it elsewhere but not beside you?

Having a basket on the floor beside you is fine. Leaving your belongings elsewhere not so much. Not only is it an inconvenience to everyone else but had something happened to the book bags there is not telling how you'd have reacted.

Pixie2015 · 21/05/2019 21:29

I would have done the same sounds very stressful hope tomorrow is better x

ihadedto · 21/05/2019 21:29

There was a thread on here a week or two ago about what people were really feeling like on the inside when they were pretending to be nice on the outside.

Someone in ‘law enforcement’ came on and said she was always being called a little Hitler, etc, for making g people’s lives difficult in an unnecessary, petty way.
She said her stock response was “I don’t enjoy it, but I have to do it: it’s my job”.
She then said “except I do”. (Enjoy it, that is.)
You met her shop assistant equivalent today. There is no winning with people like that. Only answer is to remove yourself from the situation and try to catch one of the friendlier staff one day to ask them what the he’ll is up.
Did you say you didn’t have any bread in for toast? A neighbour, may be?

Original poster

BrainScience · 21/05/2019 21:29

Thank you for being nice. I feel like I need to split myself in two most days and I just don’t know how to do it. In the middle of a split from dh at the moment and I just don’t know how to physically do it all on my own yet.

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 21/05/2019 21:32

Why can't a 6 year old be unattended in a small shop? Genuinely puzzled. What is it that you think might happen?

Original poster

BrainScience · 21/05/2019 21:33

I have in the house - cake mix, 1 egg, noodles, a banana, a packet of angel delight, some peanut butter, rice, 2 cans of pre mixed gin and tonic, instant hot chocolate and cat food. Is there a salvageable breakfast there? Is egg fried rice with half a banana an acceptable breakfast?

OP posts:

ihadedto · 21/05/2019 21:33

As you say it was a tiny shop, 6yo was one problem you didn’t have to deal with in that moment. A kind person would have helped you.
People hiding behind ‘Health & Safety’ when they’re just enjoying being unpleasant 🙄

CarolinaChina · 21/05/2019 21:33

I get the point about H&S and also about leaving kids unattended, but come off it! The OP has already said it was a small shop with no other customers so, in this context, I think the shop assistant was bang out of order.

I’m not sure if I’d go as far as to complain to the company, but I’d definitely have a (friendly) word with her if she was there again just to explain how it made me feel.

Hope you’re feeling better now.

Rocketpants50 · 21/05/2019 21:33

So she had time to follow you around the shop, check on your dc and criticise you but didn't have the time or kindness to help you or offer to help. Shame as she could have offered to move your bags to a safe place. Tomorrow is another day... sandwich for breakfast?

Original poster

BrainScience · 21/05/2019 21:35

Basket was with bags at the end of an aisle and I was going to shelves and coming back to it. I wasn’t moving it round the aisles as I went. I had my handbag with my purse and phone in over my shoulder. If anyone had stolen the book bags I would have kissed them. Bloody pointless things.

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 21/05/2019 21:36

When I was a lass, 6 year olds used to get sent to the corner shop for their mothers. And both we and the shops survived.

GabriellaMontez · 21/05/2019 21:36

She sounds like a right cow. Here's hoping karma comes for her.

GabriellaMontez · 21/05/2019 21:36

She sounds like a right cow. Here's hoping karma comes for her.

sailorcherries · 21/05/2019 21:36

I thought the main issue was OP dumping the basket and bags in position A and then proceeding to walk around the shop carrying DS2 and going back to A with her items.

Surely 6yo could put his own bag on his bag and hold the basket if DS2 needed to be carried?

ihadedto · 21/05/2019 21:36

Yes it is. As long as they eat something.

Enjoy the gentle hisss of the g&t can opening 😉

TowelNumber42 · 21/05/2019 21:36

You care a lot more about what a shop assistant thinks than I would. I'd be ALL about the food.

After the first request to move bags I'd have asked her where would be a good place to leave them while making a joke about bloody toddlers and asking if she's new like you will inevitably become friends.

After a second comment I'd have made noises like I was about to obey her any second now, while loading my basket and actually being disobedient. Then I'd have put the basket down at the till and moved the bags.

In a four aisle shop I would have totally ignored her comment about my child being unattended. Looked blankly at her, maybe said something vague like "Oh, OK" while continuing to load my basket. Or maybe "we'll be out of your hair in just a moment."

That's what I'd have done. My absolute laser focus would be on getting that shopping done.

I might have given the illusion of obedience by calling the six year old to move the bags while I whizzed round the shop. Slim chance of 6yo successfully gathering the bags but that's not the point. It delays the assistant's attack while you pile your basket full of potato waffles.

HRoosevelt · 21/05/2019 21:36

Any milk? Rice pudding for breakfast? (& drink a g and t now)

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