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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What should I have done?

92 replies

BrainScience · 21/05/2019 21:15

Feeling a bit shit at the moment due to a variety of things but topped by a situation earlier.

I collected my dc’s from school this afternoon. They were both exhausted as 6yo had forest school and 3yo had a trip to the beach (involving a mile walk). I needed to stop at the local shop on the walk back from school as we had nothing in. I go to this shop probably 3-4 times a week, am friendly with most of the staff.

I’m carrying dc’s book bags in one hand and shopping basket in the other. As soon as we get in the shop 3yo lies down on the floor. I tell him to get up as people will stand on him but he refuses and starts crying. I put the bags down, pick up dc2 and carry him to what I need, going backwards and forwards between basket on floor with bags and shelves.

A lady who works there that I haven’t seen before tells me I can’t leave my bags there, they’re a health and safety hazard. I tell her I’ll move them if they get in someone’s way (only one other person in the shop at the time) and she tells me they’re in her way, she was going to stack some shelves right there. So I pick them up and put them out of the way in the next aisle. She follows me and says I can’t leave them there either. I’m a bit fed up at this point and just say ‘it’ll be fine, I won’t be a minute.’ She marches off and then comes back and says ‘is that your child on his own on the other side of the shop? He needs to be accompanied.’ 6yo is doing what he always does - gone to look at the magazines, not touching them, just looking and the whole shop is 4 aisles so not like he’s going to get lost/ snatched/ explode.

At this point I just say ‘oh for gods sake’, pick up the bag, walk out and leave the basket while woman is shaking her head at me like I’m the most incompetent person in the world. Now I have no food for breakfast and fobbed dc’s off with a sandwich for tea as we have nothing in. Dc’s were too tired for me to drive them to a shop, if they fell asleep in the car we’d be up until midnight.

What was I supposed to do? The whole time she was just looking at me as if my children were being animals and I was completely useless. Was shop lady being a twat or was I just being a pita? I’m so annoyed.

OP posts:
AnyOldPrion · 21/05/2019 22:15

You’re really not being crap. It really was her being awkward - in her position, what would you do? There’s so much she could have done that would have been helpful such as offering space for your bags or suggesting kindly that your elder son could help with the bags.

I’m in the process of leaving my DH as well. Had to go to a school meeting this evening about some extra work DS has to do and I wanted to tear my hair out as all the other parents seemed keen and I just want the school to handle school work right now. It’s as much as I can do to hold down a job, plan my move etc.

I expect it’ll all work out in the end.

ToeSocks · 21/05/2019 22:20

You can mix your egg and banana together to make make banana pancakes , put a layer of peanut butter as topping ?

I give that to my one year old and he loves it :

Sorry this happened to you ! Hope tomorrow is better ... have one of them pre made gins now Wink

AJPTaylor · 21/05/2019 22:24

But the 6 year old wasn't unattended was he? You were right there.

Cherrysoup · 21/05/2019 22:24

I’d have taken the toddler off you if you didn’t mind and entertained him while you shopped.

Any chance you can do online ordering in future? Save you the hassle of trying to juggle shopping and 2 small dc.

INeedAFlerken · 21/05/2019 22:25

She was a right bitch. On purpose.

I'm sorry, OP. Most decent people would have offered to help in some way, not deliberately set out to make it harder for you.

Herland · 21/05/2019 22:29

Course you're not crap. Your only mistake was not getting your moneys worth out of your six year old. He could well have been doing the shopping. I live in a village with a Co and know most of the staff etc. Sometimes I wait outside or even in the car park whilst my child(ren) go for the shopping. If they have a job to do they tend to do it without fuss and are focused. If I go in and mosey about they start asking for everything they can see and touching stuff.

If you are not as happy as I am to do that at least give them jobs while they are their - little one has to go and find the cucumber, big one go and pick some cereal if they do it quietly and quickly they get an ice pole.

🤣

Herland · 21/05/2019 22:30

there.... My new phone keeps autocorrecting there to their. It is evil.

kateandme · 21/05/2019 22:31

relax now op.she was a jobsworth and once you didnt bow to her orders cnotinued to find aynthing adn everything to make sure you new your place.she would have then picked on anything you did.
we dont know what people are going through and for you today this is something you just didnt need or could handle.we all have those moments.
your doing great.
dont let on to the kdis that there is anything wrong with food options. make it fun and exciting pick a mix breakfast.they will go on how you are so if the food in is the food that is meant to be in they usually play along.
try to get some rest. i know things feel like they are getting on top of you but they arent cuz you still doing it.and thats amazing.
try doing the tiny little things that bring you comfort.they can really make a difference.xx

Yabbers · 21/05/2019 22:39

But equally you can't leave bags/basket on a shop floor and a 6YO shouldn't be unattended IMO.
But equally the spiteful, petty woman could have offered to help.

And no, a 6 yo doesn’t need to be constantly attended to if OP is satisfied they won’t cause a problem.

MumUnderTheMoon · 21/05/2019 22:57

Tbf I hate it when I ask someone to do something and the fob me off with "it'll be fine". most people working in service industries are also responsible for health and safety within their workplace. That lady saw a potential hazard and asked you to rectify the problem and you fobbed her off because you decided you know better. Her attitude didn't sound great but neither did yours. If someone had tripped on your bags and hurt themselves they wouldn't have been less hurt because the bags where left there because your kids where tired and you were struggling to get your jobs done while trying to handle a 3 yo.
YABU if you know your 3yo is going out for the day and will be tired take a pram to put him in on the way home.

acatcalledjohn · 21/05/2019 22:57

@BrainScience

Breakfast: egg banana pancakes

[[https://hurrythefoodup.com/worlds-
simplest-pancake-recipe/]]

I have no other words of wisdom. Thanks & Gin

Jux · 21/05/2019 23:15

Of course ou can leave a 6yo to look at the magazines if you know they're not going to rip them or anything, and you knew yours wouldn't. What I would have done was pile my shopping on to their counter item by item as I collected each thing from its aisle one at a time - though our local Co-op staff, despite it being a much larger shop, about 6 aisles and large fruit/veg/dairy/meat section - would have been far more helpful.

NewSchoolNewName · 21/05/2019 23:25

I’d have probably done pretty much the same as you in that scenario OP.

In a familiar shop as small as you describe, I’d be fine with letting my 5 yr old admire the magazines while I dealt with the toddler.

Although having said that the staff in my local small Co-Op are usually very friendly and helpful and would probably offer to help rather than just telling me off.

milksoffagain · 21/05/2019 23:42

egg + banana +peanut butter pancakes sound like a brilliant breakfast to me and full of nutrients! Also your own idea with the fried egg rice and some banana.

You're doing great! It's hard on your own, don't let the silly cow upset you x

Katzia · 21/05/2019 23:44

Can you do the shopping when children are at school? Or are you in work then? Maybe look at online shopping to take the strain?

Original poster
BrainScience · 21/05/2019 23:45

mumunder what would you have suggested I do instead? I’m not sure exactly what attitude I had, I just said I wouldn’t be a minute, which I wouldn’t have been if she’d just left me alone.

I don’t have a buggy for ds as he happily scoots everywhere. Even if I did there’s no way it would fit into the shop and I could hardly leave him outside.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrainScience · 21/05/2019 23:47

katzia I’m at work while the dc’s are at school unfortunately. I’m going to get online shopping sorted again. I gave up for a while as we live in a very touristy area, in a town with one way in and out. When the traffics bad (pretty much constantly from April onwards) Sainsbury’s would cancel the order or deliver it hours late. I need to try Asda or Tesco instead but haven’t got round to sorting it yet.

OP posts:
MumUnderTheMoon · 21/05/2019 23:51

You asked what I would have done instead. I would have taken a pram or I would have taken dd out of the shop. I wouldn't have dismissed a reasonable request.

Ifigotherewillbedouble · 21/05/2019 23:56

You sound like you are doing the best job you can - I might have thrown a bigger strop than my toddler and kicked my shopping up and down every aisle Blush I had three wee ones when I first split with their dad, so it really was a juggling act. I used to get online deliveries and even now all these years later I can’t bear a food shop. There must be scars there I’ve kept hidden over the years. You can definitely do this - and as you find your feet your new routines will fall into place. As for that shop assistant - doesn’t she understand her job description??

NewSchoolNewName · 22/05/2019 00:00

I would have taken a pram or I would have taken dd out of the shop.

OP’s just said that a buggy wouldn’t fit in the shop, and she did take her DC out of the shop in the end. Which is why she’s got hardly any food in the house now....

Asking the shop assistant to go get the essential food items while OP carried the toddler towards the till would be a more sensible suggestion, although there’s no guarantee the shop assistant would go along with that of course.

Erythronium · 22/05/2019 00:09

Rubbish customer service. Complain. Shop assistants are supposed to help customers in their shops, the clue is in their job title.

AmeriAnn · 22/05/2019 00:15

I'd contract the owner of the store and tell them their hired help, who is in desperate need of having power and control over people is chasing off paying customers.

cdtaylornats · 22/05/2019 00:16

A 6 year old out of sight - it's highly unlikely anything will happen to them unless they get at shelves full of cans and drag them down on themselves, or start rearranging fresh fruit,

Tartsamazeballs · 22/05/2019 00:16

Ah she should have helped you, what a miserable cow. Lucky you didn't tell her to piss off, I would have but then I'm a bitch. Chin up x

1vandal2 · 22/05/2019 00:19

It takes two seconds for a child to be snatched, something to be broken or a partially sighted person to trip over something on the floor. YABVVVU