Pregnant and smoking

[Moominfan]

Do you judge mums who are pregnant and smoke? There was some work place drama today. Pregnant lady over heard a comment made by two members of staff about her smoking. Must have touched a nerve. One of the two ladies is struggling to conceive so I imagine seeing someone drain a cancer stick whilst pregnant must be repugnant to her.

I do judge. It makes me so angry. My mum used to hide from my dad to smoke when she waa pregnant with me (first of many times she didnt put me first)

Except I'm not 'outraged' I dont think its right I think its horrible but I also know its not my place to tell other women what to. Nor do I know their circumstances.

Those 2 weeks where you don't know won't really cause harm, the brain hasn't even developed yet. I found out at 7 weeks, I'd been drinking every weekend and smoking daily, I felt horribly guilty and still think about it now. However, my son is fine and when I told the midwife she told me not to worry sooooo...

I also don't think it has much reflection on what kind of mother the person will be, my mother for example quit smoking on all of her pregnancies. She was an awful mother and 2 out of 3 of us don't even speak to her. On the contrary, my MIL didnt give up on any of hers and shes wonderful... Again, its wrong, but it doesnt mean theyll be a terrible mother

first of many times she didnt put me first

Neither did my mum and she never smoked in her life. She's actually very anti smoking.

I do judge. My mum smoked during all of her pregnancies. Two of us ended up with heart defects. One of us ended up with an under-developed larynx. It's bloody selfish to smoke.

Yes I do judge smoking pregnant ladies. Sorry if this sounds harsh but giving up smoking is the first thing you will ever do for your child, if you can’t put the effort into doing such an important thing then I don’t think it says much for future parenting. Like I say, maybe harsh?
I’m an ex smoker, I know how hard it is quitting, but I could just never spark up knowing that smoke is getting through to my baby. If you smoke in public when pregnant I’m afraid judgment and comments will be forthcoming.

Unless you know their reasoning who are you to judge? I was talking to someone who was addicted to heroin, when they found out they was pregnant they managed to stop using. The only way she could cope with the cravings during pregnancy was to smoke. It was better her do that than end up using again.

Everyone has their own reasons to do things. Regardless of weather its something you agree with or not it isn't your place to judge anyone.

Reading through the thread I can see many ladies reminding us judgmental middle class women (I’m not middle class) that there are many reasons why women might be stressed during pregnancy. I’m sure we are well aware of that and might have experienced these events ourselves.

But surely no matter what the reason you’re standing on the hospital steps smoking a cigarette is you expect people to think it’s wrong. As it is wrong to inflict smoke onto a baby growing in your womb who has no choice in the matter. Surely those people aren’t going to argue that it’s not wrong. Make excuses yes, but ultimately surely they all accept smoking in pregnancy is wrong?

Reading through the thread I can see many ladies reminding us judgmental middle class women (I’m not middle class)

But you are judgemental? 🤣

Firstly not all posters here are "ladies"... I know I'm certainly not.

Secondly, of course we can all agree that smoking harms foetuses. We're not thick and many of us wouldn't smoke ourselves nevermind whilst pregnant BUT we also have sociological imaginations and understand that not everyone has our privilege, upbringing, education, decision making capacity etc. Look at the ACES studies - it highlights that children who experience trauma will have damage to the part of the brain that involves decision making, impulse control etc. So no I won't judge these people. I will advocate for them to receive appropriate support and therapy to help them to care for themselves and their children. Personal judgement is such a wasteful and useless thing. It further disempowers people and only serves to make those doling out the judgement feel superior.

Anybody remember THAT pic of Kate winslet smoking whilst her child Mia was in a carrier on her back with smoke blowing back into her face? That was nasty.

I suppose I do judge yes. I am pregnant now and wouldn't even consider drinking a small glass of wine. I know it's not the same due to addiction etc but if I were a smoker I think I do my best to stop, especially as we're all so aware of the risks.

What alway surprises me more is the people that stop in pregnancy but start again soon after the baby is born. If you've done the hard bit and broke the cycle why would you start up again! Never understood that really.

If you've done the hard bit and broke the cycle why would you start up again! Never understood that really

I gave up smoking when pregnant till I went back to work. I now have something ridiculous like six fags a week whilst at work and vape occasionally in between. I’m addicted so I enjoy it. Sounds bonkers to a non-smoker but I don’t actually want to give up, the habit is so ingrained that I don’t feel like I’ve had a proper break in the day unless it’s a fag break.

For me pregnancy and motherhood in general are incompatible with a lot of things I enjoyed in my ‘old life’, I am clearly too self serving to pass up the opportunity to get a bit of that back on occasion.

It’s not great but that’s the truth. No amount of information or scorn is better than that to me personally.

That's fair enough @Cornettoninja I understand your point of view - it's just something as a non-smoker I haven't been able to grasp. If you enjoy it and it's not hurting anyone it's not really anyone's business!

I think addictions are just a mystery to people who aren’t that way inclined or have control of their ‘poison’.

Gambling is one that I can’t quite get my head around. I understand the thrill and call of ‘the next win will be the big one’ but when you hear/see people immediately take a decent win and gamble it again... it’s beyond me. I’ve already spent that money on fripperies in my head!

I do wonder if some pregnant smokers would fare better with the thought that it’s not forever. That’s kind of how I got through it and then I just didn’t/don’t want to smell of it around my dd.