Pregnant and smoking

[Moominfan]

Do you judge mums who are pregnant and smoke? There was some work place drama today. Pregnant lady over heard a comment made by two members of staff about her smoking. Must have touched a nerve. One of the two ladies is struggling to conceive so I imagine seeing someone drain a cancer stick whilst pregnant must be repugnant to her.

I do judge, I can't help it, it's like a reflex, but try not to judge too harshly for all the reasons mentioned in this thread.

If you, for example, judge a smoking pregnant woman while yourself eating chips and crisps (whether this is because of severe morning sickness, or simply because you want to) you are a hypocrite. Research suggests the consumption of acrylamide has detrimental effects on your baby's health on par with maternal smoking. You may have your reasons to eat chips anyway, so why assume the smoking mum-to-be does not have hers?

I think it's pretty hard to do everything perfectly during pregnancy, and I don't think we need to to be good mothers.

Yes. And I smoke. But if I was ever to get pregnant I'd stop straight away (although if I were to start TTC I would try to stop then).

2 weeks ago I was at the hospital, and there was a young girl (maybe 17 or 18) who came over and asked did we have a lighter. I noticed she was heavily pregnant and then she said "my water's have just broke as well!". She stood there in soaking wet jogging bottoms smoking. What fucked up priorities that girl had and I honestly worry for the child she's had.

I judge but can scrape together some understanding, but I cannot understand those who don't try and hide the fact they are smoking (those outside maternity hospitals at the main door), at least have the sense to realise you are a bloody disgrace and go round the corner! I wonder if your colleague wasn't very discrete, which implies they don't give a shit.

Yes. I would judge.

Yes I do. When I had my first baby which took years to conceive there would be women in their dressing gowns, huge bumps, obviously checked in ready to give birth and stood outside the door (literally right outside the door) smoking.

It made me so angry because ok that's your choice but I feel sorry for your kid because to my mind it shows you can't put them above your own needs before they are even born so doesn't bode well going forward. But also, standing right outside the door and forcing everyone else to breathe that shit in!

I was a former smoker but as soon as I found out I was pregnant I went cold turkey.

Unfortunately started up again once I was back at work and trying to juggle a more senior role.. commuting and motherhood. But only smoked at work as a coping mechanism, never at home.

Found out I was pregnant again in 2017 and quit cold turkey for the second time. It's been 2 years tomorrow and as I'm now a SAHM it's unlikely I'll go back to it.

Yes absolutely.

It is proven to cause lung problems, birth defects, stunt growth, sudden infant death, miscarriage, still birth, the list is endless.

People talk utter shit to justify it like "the stress of stopping will affect the baby" "going cold turkey is dangerous" but none of this is going to actually affect the baby itself.

I do judge, and I think it's disgraceful to quite literally force smoke into the tiny space a baby is growing in.

pushingdaises
I actually wouldn’t worry at all about that one. What harm could a fag do during labour? Baby is as developed as it’ll ever be

Yes I do judge. Especially when they make excuses for it, as opposed to someone who is trying to quit but struggling. I was at a friend's party and there was a woman about 7/8 months pregnant who spent the entire time smoking cigarettes and drinking red wine. Well-educated and wealthy woman, claimed her doctor said it was alright and that women are too uptight these days. I'm not talking one fag, she was on the terrace smoking for the entire party of several hours.

I judge the choice but not the person. Good people make shit choices.

Hmmmm. I do and I don’t. I think like many PPs have said we don’t know what’s going on in that woman’s life, they could have cut down from 20 a day to 5 etc.

Buuut, my close friend spent several months TTC and getting upset every month. I suggested ovulation sticks but she said she couldn’t afford them. She could afford 20 Marlboro lights a day though......she didn’t give up while pregnant or breast feeding. Both her children have numerous medical problems including significantly low birth weight at full time and asthma. She is a highly intelligent HCP and I do find it hard not to judge.

I am an ex smoker and it took me ages to finally give up, I bloody loved smoking but I’ve not had a cigarette in 14 years now

Yes I do judge. I think women who do this are just utter trash. Why would you do that to your baby.

Agree with sinkgirl (great post) I don’t smoke but I loathe the sanctimonious middle class judgement that you get on Mumsnet.

Who know why people make bad choices, and let’s be honest, most of us do. It might not be smoking but few of us live perfect lives.

Actually I am prepared to judge a woman who describes another woman as ‘utter trash’ .

Initial reaction if I see a pregnant woman: yes, I judge. But then I reflect. I don’t know that they haven’t lost their baby, I don’t know that they haven’t cut down from 40 to 1 a day and that 1 a day is the buffer between them and putting their head in the oven. It’s not my place to judge.

I smoked during both pregnancies, both my DD's are lovely healthy adult's, when young at primary both awarded certificates a few times for perfect attendences, my oldest DD has worked for the same company for 18 years and hasn't had one day off due to illness, i know plenty of women who didn't smoke when pregnant yet there children are often ill, my DD's were born at normal weight's, both are normal height's, and don't have a weight problem, i'm not proud of smoking during pregnancy, but i did, before you judge other people look at yourself.

@ANewDawn10 'utter trash' is a bit harsh.

A actual midwife did tell me this....about 10 years ago. A midwife who specialises in working with mothers (and new born babies) with very serious drug and alcohol dependency. It is also common (or so I thought) knowledge that stress hormones are very damaging to pregnancy and foetal brain development.

Do you have a link to any research showing that stress damages babies even more severely than smoking does? Stress is a natural part of life. Anyway, a smoking mother will probably feel just as stressed as a non-smoking one, because she'll be absolutely destroyed by fear and guilt over abusing the baby.

What I really judge is the mummy to be having an extra cake or chocolate bar, doughnut etc simply because ' the baby wants it'. 😡😡😡 no love your are simply a greedy oinker

Yep, I judge. I was pregnant last year following two missed miscarriages so was in hospital a lot for check ups, had loads of anxiety and was so worried something bad would happen. I gazed out of the hospital window to see parents with a newborn in a car seat both in the smoking shelter puffing away, smoke billowing right around the tiny newborn. I confess I cried a little, I felt so sorry for the baby.

Genuinely don’t understand how someone can do that to their unborn child. I quit smoking on the spot when I found out I was pregnant with DC1 and haven’t touched one since. It’s hard to quit, sure but if it’s for the sake of your children, you’d do anything.

Yes I do. I wouldn’t say it outright but I do judge.

I think it’s disgusting. I can understand having an addiction, and cutting down during pregnancy with the aim of stopping, i can understand stopping and having a weak moment and lapsing.

I cannot comprehend why you wouldn’t even try, no matter how stressed you were.

*I judge pregnant smokers.

No matter how they’re dressed or how nice they look, I assume they live like Waynetta Slob (a Harry Enfield character from the 90’s)

Complete with their own Wayne Slob waiting at home for his dole cheque.*

That’s funny, because after that comment, I readily judge you.

The reasons why you personally may have been able to quit as soon as the line appeared on your pee stick while others can’t are well understood, and many are covered in this thread if you could be arsed to read it.

What a load of shit re acrylamide. It is nothing like smoking. Don't kid yourself. From the American Cancer Society.

'So far, reviews of studies done in groups of people (epidemiologic studies) suggest that dietary acrylamide isn’t likely to be related to risk for most common types of cancer. But ongoing studies will continue to provide new information on whether acrylamide levels in foods are linked to increased cancer risk.'

The whole stress affecting the baby thing from giving up smoking really isn’t true because giving up smoking really isn’t that physically stressful. Women physically addicted to alcohol (and this is a very serious level of addiction) need help to withdraw. Smokers no, they give up every day and a nicotine patch is enough, let’s face it.

I wouldn't use the word "judge" to describe my attitude in this case, and I don't know how to express it properly. I'd feel that it would be better if she didn't or find a way to give up. I'd sympathise with her as I would imagine that she must feel really bad, so rubbing it in is a stupid thing to do. A doctor can say this, but other people should not comment. I wouldn't "pity" her as pity offends and I don't want to offend, but I'd think like "she is in a bad place, for had everything been ok she wouldn't have smoked".

I know I sound like a wet softie, but I smoked and I do hate judgemental people, especially those who are judgemental towards the unfortunate ones.