Pregnant and smoking

[Moominfan]

Do you judge mums who are pregnant and smoke? There was some work place drama today. Pregnant lady over heard a comment made by two members of staff about her smoking. Must have touched a nerve. One of the two ladies is struggling to conceive so I imagine seeing someone drain a cancer stick whilst pregnant must be repugnant to her.

I would judge a pregnant drinker far more.

Why? I thought smoking was more damaging. There’s no evidence that very low levels of drinking in pregnancy does any harm but I don’t believe the same has ever been said about smoking in pregnancy.

And there is so much free help available now, the NHS has chucked so much resource into smoking cessation, and if you're pregnant I imagine you get even more help.

Haahaahaa! Is this like all the support for disabled people out there? I also got directed to a website, for 'talking therapy in a group' - a forum - and an app and told to see a chemist, so I did, abroad.

I bought Champix/Welbutrin in another country and quit with that (I'd already tried patches several times, gum, lozenges, hypnosis, Allan Carr all sorts over the years).

I'd love to know where all these magic GPs are. On MN it's 'get to the GP'. Ours is as useful as a chocolate tea kettle.

I think its absolutely awful that any mom would continue to smoke while pregnant. But I know a few that did! They of course hide it, but were open with me about it. I did say gently, that they should at least try to cut back, but I did not lecture, as I knew that would not work and they will do what they want. I used to smoke a pack a day for years during Uni, so I know how hard it is to quite. By the time I was in my late 20s I was smoking probably 3-5 a day only. The day I missed my period, I never smoked again and that was over 8 years ago. I am so thankful to have been able to quit. I never thought I would be able to completely quit (this was prior to kids on my mind, I knew I would never smoke when pregnant).

Yes, I would and do judge.
The smoker knows the damage and does it anyway.

And no 'proper' midwife is stating that it's more damaging to quit cold turkey.

In an ideal world and all things being equal you shouldn't smoke whilst pregnant and no health professional will tell you otherwise.
However all things are not equal and judging someone without knowing the whole picture is, to say the least, unhelpful.
For some women smoking the odd cigarette when pregnant is the absolute least of their problems.

Yes.

I was quitting smoking before I went for an operation, and one of the nurses told me that it wouldn't be the best time to quit. She said to cut down but when your body is in stress quitting is damaging, and very unlikely to be successful.

So no, I don't judge. It's not up to me what any other woman does. It's her body, her choice.

Of course I judge. If she is pregnant, she was almost certainly born after cigarettes were labeled hazardous. There is no good reason to have ever started in the first place.

Yes I do judge them, it makes me feel sick, but I also pity them.
The same as I judge people hanging over Prams smoking, in cars smoking and having toddlers clothes stinking of fags.

I absolutely loved smoking...I still crave them now, but would never dream of having one as I would never quit again and my DS is far too important.

I would try my best NOT to judge because I have never been a smoker, so do not know how that type of addiction actually FEELS.

Also, I think some smokers try to “wean” themselves off of cigarettes don’t they? So you may be judging someone smoking who has actually just cut down from 10 a day to 1 a day.

Although I won’t lie, when I was pregnant there was always at least 4 of 5 heavily pregnant women outside the maternity unit smoking directly underneath the sign that says “this is a smoke free site” and that made my blood boil. Just walk further up the road!

I was quitting smoking before I went for an operation, and one of the nurses told me that it wouldn't be the best time to quit. She said to cut down but when your body is in stress quitting is damaging, and very unlikely to be successful.

She was talking rubbish.

Totally judge. My late mum smoked with me (60s baby) and in later years , even when she was still chain smoking, told us it was the wrong thing to do. She gave up in her late 70s and died in her mid 80s of lung cancer. She got to spend extra time with my daughter but I wish she hadn't been so poorly.

Yes, my old manager used to tell her 'labour story' all the time to pregnant women, as though it was a funny story! Of how she went into labour at 29 weeks, and she was at work all day climbing into big bins to clean, even though everyone told her not to, and how when she went into labour how her mum drove her to hospital while she was in the back with a 'coffee and a fag'.
She told it to make sure pregnant women in her workplace knew they weren't allowed any special treatment as she carried on as normal through her pregnancy- working in a manual job, smoking, etc. She didn't seem to grasp that the women who try look after themselves when pregnant aren't doing it to scive work, or be precious! They are doing it to make sure their baby has the best start in life. Her child has sight problems and asthma- she doesn't seem to realise that might be related to her smoking and having the baby at 29 weeks.
She was an absolute dick to be fair.

@crispysausagerolls it's not smug going cold turkey and giving up 'just like that' as soon as you find you're pregnant. Whatever way someone gives up is better than carrying on we all agree, but don't knock ppl who did it that way. It was fucking hard but the thought of potentially damaging the baby I so desperately wanted and tried years for is what kept me going.

Also, I personally wasn't TTC at the time as I had been told there was no hope for us. I'd given up smoking, lost weight, picked up my exercise - did everything I was supposed to. Despite all that it didn't happen for years. So I accepted my childless state and started socialising again and yes went back to smoking. We weren't trying because I'd been told I was as good as fucked.

And to another person who mentioned about going cold turkey versus giving up slowly with support. It's got nothing to do with lifestyle or history as to why you needed support to do it. Being able to quit suddenly doesn't represent an easier life believe me.

I respect anyone who at least tries to give up. Yes we can't just assume that someone hasn't tried just because they happen to be outside the fucking maternity unit chuffing away but have respect for everyone else and take it elsewhere. If you can't understand why your choice to smoke is frowned upon - and it is a choice - particularly when it affects other ppl, then don't be surprised when ppl judge you for it.

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

We all have our own moral code in life and we shouldn’t judge others by our own yardstick.

Yes, smoking in pregnancy isn’t ideal but neither is lots of things. I made a real effort to stop judging people once I had my kids. I realised it didn’t make me any happier.

We can all justify certain things to ourselves, and no one knows our own circumstances.

I do probably judge a bit but as others have said, you don’t know the circs. I do however heavily judge people who smoke over their newborns in the buggy or people walking along smoking while holding their toddler’s hand. If people can’t quit, they should at least try and not smoke over their small children and it upsets me when I see it as for me, it’s far more selfish than smoking while pregnant.

I was smoking the day I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t have another cigarette after the test turned positive. So yes I would 👩‍⚖️judge 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Of course I judge. If she is pregnant, she was almost certainly born after cigarettes were labeled hazardous. There is no good reason to have ever started in the first place

Many heavy smokers start in childhood. A huge percentage of smokers are victims of child abuse or domestic abuse or severe mental health issues. A bit like how naice middle class women don’t suddenly decide they’re going to try a bit of heroin this weekend. You’re judging others based on you’re own experiences which are not universal.

There’s been plenty shared in this thread about the reasons why some start smoking, and why it’s harder to give up for some than for others (for social as well as neurological reasons).

I don’t understand how people go through life being so oblivious to how their lives are different from other people’s. I’ve been very privileged in many ways but the abuse of my childhood impacted every aspect of my life, including getting me hooked on cigarettes as a very damaged 12 year old.

Yes, smoking causes cancer. My mum died at 61 after developing stomach and ovarian cancer. My friend’s sister didn’t smoke and died at 40 from pancreatic cancer. My brother died at 18 from bone cancer. All non smokers. It’s an evil disease that doesn’t discriminate.

I find it very interesting that people are so opposed to judging a pregnant woman you see drinking a glass of wine, but a woman smoking a cigarette is automatically a dreadful mother. You don’t know whether she’s cut down from 20 a day to 1 a day or less, and you don’t know that the woman drinking a glass of wine hasn’t been drinking a bottle a day.

Drinking heavily is just as problematic as smoking heavily, in terms of health but also in terms of impacting your children. I’d much rather my family had smoked than been pissed all the time. But hey, plenty of middle class people like drinking so that’s fine. You’ll happily differentiate between a pregnant woman drinking a can of cider on a park bench and a pregnant woman drinking a Prosecco at a restaurant but all pregnant women smoking are basically Waynetta Slob? Absolute hypocrisy.

The NHS guidelines state there’s no safe amount of alcohol to drink in pregnancy, same with cigarettes.

To get a referral to a consultant here for smoking during pregnancy you need to be smoking 11+ cigarettes a day.

I do however heavily judge people who smoke over their newborns in the buggy or people walking along smoking while holding their toddler’s hand. If people can’t quit, they should at least try and not smoke over their small children and it upsets me when I see it as for me, it’s far more selfish than smoking while pregnant.

At work I was talking to someone who works for Public Health England in drafting policies around smoking. They said they couldn’t understand why someone who smoked during pregnancy would then bother only smoking outside when their baby is born.

I was shocked that anyone with any responsibility in this area couldn’t understand something fundamental like this. There is so little understanding of this addiction from the system and clearly from the public.

Yes I judge silently. I wouldn’t say anything but I don’t agree with it at all.

When I was at uni I used to work in a local pub, a hungry horse type place, and there was a lady in who was pregnant and drinking, not just half a shandy or small glass of wine, she would have 3-4 double vodka red bulls, I couldn’t serve her. It’s totally her choice what she did but I didn’t feel like I could be a part of it so I used to walk away and let someone else serve her.

Yes, some of those women will have troubled backgrounds, but certainly not all of them. My Mum smoked through all her pregnancies and she didn’t start until her late 20s and had a fairly middle class upbringing. First pregnancy ended in stillbirth, my elder brother and I were both premature, very small and had to spend time in SCBU. Brother has since had to have heart surgery. My Mum didn’t quit smoking til I was in my late 20’s, and I had to grow up in a home that constantly stank of smoke, where we had very little money but somehow there was always money for cigarettes!! Any parent who smokes around their children clearly cares more about themselves than they do their kids.

thelonewolfdies

It’s not irrelevant. It’s irrelevant to YOU! It’s relevant to all the women who did smoke when TTC.

Over half of pregnancies are planned. Supposedly.

crispysausagerolls
Im sure some women do smoke while TTC, however most don't. I don't really see a problem with that though to be honest, if they give up when they do actually fall pregnant.

Because there’s a 2 week window when you’re pregnant and don’t know. Same reason not to drink if TTC.

I think it’s laughable to be so outraged by smoking when pregnant but think smoking when TTC is fine!