I know this thread shouldn’t piss me off quite so much, but it does.
Why is it that people think everyone has similar lives and experience to theirs and then judges their actions on that basis?
It’s much easier to quit smoking (or drugs, alcohol, etc) when you’re in a stable situation, mentally and physically well, etc. Not everyone is fortunate enough to be in that situation.
Some women who find themselves pregnant are:
- in an abusive relationship
- drug addicts
- alcoholics
- sex workers
- homeless
- suffering from severe MH issues
- experiencing bereavement
- below the poverty line
- in the process of quitting class A drugs
- have additional needs, low IQ etc.
- have had children taken away by social services in the past and fear losing this child
Some women feel very disassosciated from their baby until it’s born - talk to any midwife, they’ll tell you that while some women instantly feel like they have a baby growing inside them, others don’t feel that way at all. It’s all completely abstract to those women. Obviously it’s easier to give up something highly addictive in the first scenario than the second. I think the reason I found it so difficult to quit because I never felt it was “real” - even going to scans felt like watching someone else’s scan footage. It’s very hard to explain.
I did manage to quit but I didn’t have any of the other exacerbating factors mentioned above other than severe anxiety, which did make it so much harder. I also had good support. Yes, most areas have good stop smoking services for pregnant women but in my areas all stop smoking services have been cut significantly, including in maternity.
It’s a very different thing quitting when your baby is wanted, you’re in a stable relationship, you have a stable home and know you’ll be able to feed and clothe your child, you weren’t finding out at 20 weeks and knowing you’ve already smoked and drank through half your pregnancy, etc
It’s like the comments about how it’s not that hard to quit - is it really so difficult to understand that it’s not the same for everyone? Why do you think some people manage to quit any addiction successfully while others can’t - do you honestly believe the narrative that it’s just down to determination? It isn’t.
To the PP who received abuse for smoking after her sister died, I am so sorry for your loss and this is exactly what I mean. You have no idea what’s going on in a stranger’s life.
I know for a fact that occasionally one of those women you see smoking outside maternity units has just been told their baby has died, or is in the process of giving birth to a baby that has died. Some of them that look pregnant had their baby already, some of whom may not have survived, or are in NICU fighting for their life, or whatever.
It’s pretty common for women who quit to return to smoking in these circumstances. So next time you consider tutting at or berating smoking women, ask yourself whether you really know their situation.