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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ABU to be annoyed at DH ... weekends away

79 replies

gingerginger2 · 21/05/2019 17:42

I had to go away for work this weekend fri - monday. I left DH with the two kids. Saturday morning he gets a last minute deal on taking them away for the weekend, and they all go away too. Fair enough thinks I, good on him for taking them away on his own. (But i'm also slightly sad that they've gone away without me while I have to work, but keep that to myself)

We both got back yesterday. Him and kids about 6pm, me at 1030. When I got back the place is a mess (i.e. exactly as I left it plus friday and saturday's mess, plus unpacking and he's playing computer games. Anyway I hold my tongue, because I am chuffed did nice stuff with the kids.

Any way's he's off to work at 7 this morning and I've got kids and school run. To find there's no milk or bread, no clean uniform ,schoolbags have been unpacked and used for trip away, school stuff god knows where, coats in car still etc etc....but I hold my breath and only ringhimtocalmly ask where coats are.

Then tonight when I get back from school run I can't find another few things, including lighter matches in kitchen to make dinner, so i finally crack and ring ring to ask him where it is, get a bit annoyed and say I'ma bit annoyed he's left to pickup all the pieces.

He hangs up on me, won't answer his phone and has texted me to let me know i'm out of order as he's been away all weekend and not had time to do housework

who's being unrerasonable?

OP posts:

owlonabike · 21/05/2019 17:45

YABVU for even asking if YABU.

Grumpyoldblonde · 21/05/2019 17:46

Him, obviously. He's a twat for his response

ZenNudist · 21/05/2019 17:47

He is, hes got time for computer games and was back earlier. It also kind of depends on if it was hard work or fun for you. If it was fun Id suck it up. Also depends how old ypur dc are and whether going away is hard work or fun for him.

Itsnotmesothere · 21/05/2019 17:48

YANBU. It was good that he took the kids away but now this... Is your husband the sort of man that needs tasks to be spelled out to him? Does he normally do his share? If he'd been at home would he have done it anyway? He knows he's been a dick, I think.

jackstini · 21/05/2019 17:48

YANBU
You were away for work, him for pleasure
He got back first
It's not rocket science that stuff needs sorting for school - he should have made time to sort it instead of gaming

PCohle · 21/05/2019 17:52

YANBU.

The house being a little messy I would understand, but not getting the kid's stuff ready for school is ridiculous on his part. You got back at 10.30pm!

It was his choice to take the kids away on a last minute deal. He shouldn't have done it if he knew he wouldn't have time to sort out the bare minimum round the house afterwards.

SpecterLitt · 21/05/2019 18:23

You are certainly not being unreasonable. As lovely as it is that he took the children away for a weekend, he was still the responsible adult at that time so it was his responsibility to ensure everything was unpacked properly and put away, and things were prepared for school on Monday. They came back earlier, and whilst they may have been tired, you still have to make time for the necessary. He could have taken a break and then got on with it - simple.

He also should have respected and understood you were away working, so it would have been nice for you to come home to a clean house and not have to worry about the school run and other things.

Don't bother texting or chasing him anymore, if he wants to behave like a child, leave him to it. When he does come home tonight do speak to him calmly about why you were annoyed and ask how he would feel if the roles were reversed. Also tell him how hanging up on you and then ignoring you is disrespectful, you're adults that is not the way to resolve any issues you have.

I hope he does see sense and treats you all to dinner or something! Good luck, OP. I hope this weekend is less stressful for you and you get to rest.

YukFoo · 21/05/2019 18:41

YABU. Why wasn't the house tidy prior to you all going away? You and your OH had all Friday evening to do it.
The kids uniforms could have been washed on the Friday evening when the kids came home from school. They could have been hung up to dry and be ready to wear on Monday morning.
Bad organisation.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 21/05/2019 18:45

OP clearly says she was away on Friday Yuk

PCohle · 21/05/2019 18:45

The OP didn't know when she left that her DH would be going away with kids as well, he arranged that last minute. She presumably thought her DH would have the entire weekend to sort the kids stuff out for Monday.

It's hardly bad organisation not to be psychic.

YukFoo · 21/05/2019 18:48

Meant to type Thursday, sorry.
Irrelevant whether she knew that the family were going away or not, there's no excuse for an untidy home and the expectation that someone else will sort it.

PCohle · 21/05/2019 18:51

But she didn't say she left it untidy.

When I got back the place is a mess (i.e. exactly as I left it plus friday and saturday's mess, plus unpacking

It's exactly as she left it, plus two days worth of his mess and unpacking. What makes you think the way she left it was untidy?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 21/05/2019 18:53

YANBU. Did he expect you to be washing and drying uniforms, packing school bags and buying bread and milk on your return at 10.30pm? If so that's extremely selfish when he's had time to play computer games! Or is it that he is usually so uninvolved in the day to day care of his DC that he didn't even realise these things needed doing? Either way I'd be pissed off, not just at his uselessness but also that he hung up the phone when challenged about it. That's not the way grown ups resolve an argument.

AnduinsGirl · 21/05/2019 18:56

YANBU - he probably thinks he's Super Dad for taking the kids away and you should be falling over yourself with gratitude rather than selfishly being practical and thinking ahead.

theWarOnPeace · 21/05/2019 18:57

He’s being a dick. Totally selfish and ridiculous! How old are the kids?

Expressedways · 21/05/2019 18:59

Of course YANBU, do you really have to ask?

Divebar · 21/05/2019 19:04

there's no excuse for an untidy home and the expectation that someone else will sort it

That’s you told then OP

What a ridiculous comment....if I’m going away for work and my DH is at home with children I don’t expect to have to run around washing uniform and tidying the house the night before, (while preparing for my work trip) when there is a parent due to be off the entire time. How is that possibly the OPs responsibility? Do you imagine she should have cooked a casserole too and left it in the fridge with cooking instructions for his lame ass?

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 21/05/2019 19:09

Irrelevant whether she knew that the family were going away or not, there's no excuse for an untidy home and the expectation that someone else will sort it.
I presume that judgey comment is aimed at the OP's dp? Because that's exactly what he did - got home, created chaos and then buggered off, expecting her to sort it.

Cherrysoup · 21/05/2019 19:14

Exactly what OhDearGod said. He set off the bomb then expected her to clean up. I’d be fucking fuming. The implication is that he normally expects her to do all the Sunday night prep for school the next day while he chills put gaming. I’d put my boot up his arse.

YukFoo · 21/05/2019 19:16

I was referring to the OPs OH washing the uniforms, not the OP. Still no excuse for an untidy home though, at any time.
If she had phoned and spoken to me in an annoyed way like she did her OH I would have directed her to the cleaning cupboard and told her to crack on, I'll be at the pub.

PCohle · 21/05/2019 19:18

But you literally just said there's no excuse for an untidy home and the expectation that someone else will sort it.

Why should she now sort his mess?

YukFoo · 21/05/2019 19:21

Due to her saying ' exactly as I left it, plus Friday and Saturday mess' which infers that it wasn't exactly tidy to begin with.

fotheringhay · 21/05/2019 19:22

Yet another man with no respect for his DW.

ffs

YukFoo · 21/05/2019 19:23

Respect is a two way thing.

Eustasiavye · 21/05/2019 19:26

Yanbu at all.
Lord knows I don't have any advice.
It's awful what he has done and very disrespectful.
Would he be totally fine if the roles were reversed?

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