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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ABU to be annoyed at DH ... weekends away

79 replies

gingerginger2 · 21/05/2019 17:42

I had to go away for work this weekend fri - monday. I left DH with the two kids. Saturday morning he gets a last minute deal on taking them away for the weekend, and they all go away too. Fair enough thinks I, good on him for taking them away on his own. (But i'm also slightly sad that they've gone away without me while I have to work, but keep that to myself)

We both got back yesterday. Him and kids about 6pm, me at 1030. When I got back the place is a mess (i.e. exactly as I left it plus friday and saturday's mess, plus unpacking and he's playing computer games. Anyway I hold my tongue, because I am chuffed did nice stuff with the kids.

Any way's he's off to work at 7 this morning and I've got kids and school run. To find there's no milk or bread, no clean uniform ,schoolbags have been unpacked and used for trip away, school stuff god knows where, coats in car still etc etc....but I hold my breath and only ringhimtocalmly ask where coats are.

Then tonight when I get back from school run I can't find another few things, including lighter matches in kitchen to make dinner, so i finally crack and ring ring to ask him where it is, get a bit annoyed and say I'ma bit annoyed he's left to pickup all the pieces.

He hangs up on me, won't answer his phone and has texted me to let me know i'm out of order as he's been away all weekend and not had time to do housework

who's being unrerasonable?

OP posts:
givemesteel · 21/05/2019 20:21

Yes Yanbu op, but I get a bit of this from my dh as well. On the odd occasion I have to work on a weekend day and he has the kids I rarely hear the end of it and nothing else gets done other than looking after the kids (same thing with no food etc).

Funny how when it's the other way round kids are looked after AND food is bought and school bags are packed.

Anyway, he is unreasonable for clicking off and gaming when essential stuff like school stuff not ready.

I think next time you need to sell out what time you're getting back and therefore what needs doing (I know you shouldn't have to) and it might just be easier to organise an Internet food shop for when you get back (again I know you shouldn't have to).

ohfourfoxache · 21/05/2019 20:28

I would have been MURDEROUS

Michaelbaubles · 21/05/2019 20:32

the organised-female gene

ARGH

I bet it’s hard for him at work, having to wait for someone else to give him a detailed list of what to do every day. Most jobs require a bit of initiative so it must be really difficult for the poor lamb to keep up, what with lacking the gene for it and all.

Butterymuffin · 21/05/2019 20:32

Him deciding that the school bags and school prep are your job alone is not on. And what did he feed the kids when they got back at 6pm Sunday? Didn't he miss having milk and bread? All that sounds shoddy and lazy on his part. The more general tidying I could overlook. But the hanging up on you is insufferable. He doesn't think you have the right to question him, does he?

Michaelbaubles · 21/05/2019 20:37

My DP doesn’t live with me and is not in the slightest bit interested in the minutiae of child-raising (my DC are not his and he has none of his own). However, if I needed to I could ask him to look after the kids, swan out of the door with an airy “Make sure they have their stuff for school” and know they were being packed off dressed, fed, kitted out, teeth cleaned and all. And I’d get back to dinner ready, children entertained and the house clean. And he wouldn’t moan.

Silenttype · 21/05/2019 20:39

Yanbu! Why's it always up to the Mums to organise everything when they are both 50/50 parents? Or is it more like 75/25 Blush

Zofloramummy · 21/05/2019 20:42

I have a friend, works full time, also volunteers, often packs the 2 dc up and takes them away last minute. Kids are healthy, fed, clean, have clean clothes, the house is tidy.

Btw he is a single resident parent. I hate the gender stereotypes that are still rife in society.
Show me where domestic appliances state they are only to be operated by females? Why once children appear do fully domesticated men appear to revert to children? Unable to organise, plan or do anything unaided?

mollyblack · 21/05/2019 20:42

I have a few weekends away a year and my dh always cops out of the usual housework, amusing kids and taking them to clubs etc. He goes away with them or takes them to a friends or his sisters all weekend. Almost like if he is not there he couldn't possibly sort the house out.

Yanbu

Original poster
gingerginger2 · 21/05/2019 20:42

JingsMahBucket

quite

OP posts:
fruitpastille · 21/05/2019 20:44

I reckon it's likely that if the OP had come back to the house with just those few items (that both parents) left on Thursday evening but the school uniforms dealt with, milk and bread bought, unpacking put in the laundry then she would have been fine about it.

Butterymuffin · 21/05/2019 20:54

fruitpastille I think you're right.

fotheringhay · 21/05/2019 21:17

Until men like this start feeling shame about avoiding household duties, nothing will change.

We might be waiting a while

Soverytiredofeverythinggoingon · 21/05/2019 21:17

Oh god why do women even think this might be OK?
OP, it's not OK. None of it. Your instincts are correct.

Original poster
gingerginger2 · 21/05/2019 21:32

he's adamant that I'm nitpicking and being overly critical when he was tired after looking all weekend looking after kids. Apparently when he does the school run it's easy, he doesn't get why i make it sound like such hard work. Apparently I make things hard. Apparently things are easier when I'm not around.

OP posts:
CalishataFolkart · 21/05/2019 21:41

Apparently things are easier when I'm not around.

Excellent. He can do all childcare and related tasks from now on then.

fotheringhay · 21/05/2019 21:41

I'm sorry OP that's really sad Flowers

ohfourfoxache · 21/05/2019 21:43

What a wankstain Sad

ohfourfoxache · 21/05/2019 21:55

What a wankstain Sad

AnyFucker · 21/05/2019 22:06

Easier when you are not around ?

You know what to do, op

EffYouSeeKaye · 21/05/2019 22:13

Oh dear. He is throwing all his toys out now. I’m inclined to agree with a pp who suggested he came up with the weekend away plan to give himself a perfect excuse for ignoring the domestic drudgery of a weekend at home with the kids.

Suliemantra · 21/05/2019 22:15

What an absolute knob.

ElektraUnchained · 21/05/2019 22:16

Easier when you are not around because he can do exactly as he pleases, knowing any fallout will be dealt with by you on your return. Not so easy if he was 100% responsible for the consequences of his actions. Angry

Michaelbaubles · 21/05/2019 22:18

Of course it’s easier, he’s Harry Half-Job.

BrioLover · 21/05/2019 22:29

Fucking hell OP. YANBU.

I bet the reason why the school run is 'easy' is you facilitating it. Uniforms done. Lunches done. Bags done. Coats out. Shoes cleaned and out. Etc.

Dickhead that he is.

You know what to do. Time to stop doing so much as clearly you're making things difficult.

PCohle · 21/05/2019 22:50

Of course they're fucking easier. He just swans around with the kids doing absolutely none of the dull stuff that makes the household function.

I would be furious at the way he has handled this.

I agree with others (although I appreciate that it's hard to do in practice) that you do a little less to facilitate his easy life for a while.