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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Forgot to send money for cake sale

101 replies

DKmamma · 21/05/2019 11:40

There was a cake sale at school yesterday and, naturally, I forgot all about it so my two weren't sent with any money. Whoops.

My son came home in tears because only he and one other child from his whole class didn't get a cake. There were others whose parents had forgotten, but whilst they were all lucky enough to have a cake bought for them by one of their friends my son was not one of "the chosen ones".

AIBU to think that school could have handled this better and that leaving just two children out for the sake of 20p per cake is downright cruel?!!

I would have paid 10 times the amount the next day to avoid his upset and disappointment. I always contribute to fundraising at school, both with money and time. I just find it so difficult spinning all these plates and remembering what's happening when and on this occasion I forgot his 20 bloody p.

OP posts:
Amibeingdaft81 · 21/05/2019 11:45

I’ve done the same
Yes it would have been nice of the teacher but I don’t blame anyone but myself

How old is your son?

MadamMMA · 21/05/2019 11:47

My kids school always does it at pick up to avoid this kind of thing, yes it seems harsh for the sake of 20p.

SolitudeAtAltitude · 21/05/2019 11:50

But it is not the school, it's the pta?

I would not complain, but just make sure kids had some change the next time

How often have you bought other kids cakes AND ensured that ALL kids had one, not just the ones you chose to help ? ("chosen ones")

Gigglinghysterically · 21/05/2019 11:50

My first thought was that it probably wouldn't have hurt for the children who'd forgotten their money to have a cake and pay for it the next day.

Then I thought that if this goes on in lots of classes in lots of schools then it involves someone's time in admin to keep a record of who owes what and then collect it. So, essentially a waste of school resources.

Better to have a physical organiser calender at home with a column for each family member. Make sure you record such things on it and check it every weekend or evening so that nothing gets overlooked.

I'm just surprised the cake was only 20p. Surely they're being sold at a loss.

purpleboy · 21/05/2019 11:52

I guess it's difficult to monitor and then reclaim the money if there are 20+ kids who didn't bring any. Ultimately it's down to you and your child (age dependant) to be more organised and make sure in future you don't forget. It's not the teachers responsibility.

AuntieDolly · 21/05/2019 11:53

The cakes are usually donated

Original poster
DKmamma · 21/05/2019 11:54

My son is 7. My daughter is 5 but she feels less aggrieved.

The cakes were sold by school on this occasion, not the PTA.

I have put £1 in their school bags now to ensure they have change the next time I forget ...and have told them they need to look after their friends with it if needed.

OP posts:
Original poster
DKmamma · 21/05/2019 11:57

@Purpleboy - "Ultimately it's down to you and your child (age dependant) to be more organised and make sure in future you don't forget. It's not the teachers responsibility." ---completely agree, but mistakes happen. I wasn't there to sort it out, but the teachers were.

OP posts:
BillywilliamV · 21/05/2019 11:58

After reception my DD always had an emergency pound coin in their school bag for this sort of thing. Now they are at High School it’s a tenner.

LadyRannaldini · 21/05/2019 12:02

Yet another parent expecting the school to compensate for their lack of organisation! Where does parental responsibility stop and start??

yy558 · 21/05/2019 12:03

I love that your dd was less aggrieved though. Sorry about your son's upset!

bridgetreilly · 21/05/2019 12:05

My son came home in tears because only he and one other child from his whole class didn't get a cake.

That seems to be a disproportionate reaction from your son.

outsho · 21/05/2019 12:09

Putting emergency money in their bag is a great idea if you can trust them not to lose it. My DC are bloody useless with money, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to replace DS’s pound for swimming...

Don’t feel too bad about it, we all forget things from time to time. DD told me her friend’s Mum had forgotten to put anything in her lunchbox yesterday 😂 No judgement from me at all, completely almost done the same thing more than once...

mmgirish · 21/05/2019 12:11

Why is it always the school's fault? Organise yourself.

I'm a teacher. I don't always have cash to give to children. Also, there are always children who aren't given money for the bake sales. We can't be relied upon to provide cash for students in our classes.

In addition to that, lots of parents don't want their children to buy things at a bake sale. How are teachers supposed to know which parents have forgotten and which parents don't want their children eating sugar???

VickyEadie · 21/05/2019 12:12

Most schools are owed a lot of money by parents - for dinners, trips, etc. Much of this money is never recovered, with the result that the school budget suffers - and so do all the children. I know it was only 20p - but how many 'only 20ps' might there be each time? You might insist you can be trusted to send the money in - but does the teacher make a judgment based on who she thinks can and can't be trusted, therefore?

Expecting a teacher to sub your child is unfair on the teacher and the school.

NoSauce · 21/05/2019 12:16

The point of the cake sale is to make some money for the pta, giving out money to children who haven’t brought it in defeats the object.

CurtainsOpen · 21/05/2019 12:17

Lesson learned, albeit a harsh one.

MadamMMA · 21/05/2019 12:19

Good point MMGirish

TheInvestigator · 21/05/2019 12:22

The school shouldn't have allowed any of the kids without money to be bought a cake by a friend. The parents of those kids might have forgotten, but they could equally have made a decision not to five their child money because they didn't want them to buy a cake.

In our school, the rules are quite clear that if you don't send money without your child, then your child will not be substituted money by someone else because they don't want to risk undoing a deliberate decision by a parent. If you just forget then it's unfortunate, but it is your fault.

crazychemist · 21/05/2019 12:22

He came home in tears because he didn’t get a cake??? You need to sit him down and have a calm discussion about this. He forgot the money (perhaps you should have reminded him, but he needs to start learning some responsibility, even at age 7).

Seconding mmgirlish and VickyEadie. There’s no way it’s a teachers responsibility to try and second guess why your kid doesn’t have money and provide it to them. Think for a second about all the ways that could go wrong. You might well be the kind of parent that would bring the money the next day, but how does the teacher then say no to other kids in future?

Lweji · 21/05/2019 12:23

I wasn't there to sort it out, but the teachers were.

I don't think it's fair on the teachers. And it's certainly not "downright cruel".

As a parent, you sort it out by helping your child deal with the disappointment. We don't always have people around to bail us out.
If you are so upset that you consider it cruel, you do need to make sure you don't forget. Put an alarm on your phone for events, a wall calendar.
Putting some money in their bags is a good idea, if you remember to replace it after the next sale. Wink

VladmirsPoutine · 21/05/2019 12:25

Ultimately it's down to you and your child (age dependant) to be more organised and make sure in future you don't forget. It's not the teachers responsibility.

This sort of sanctimony is so tedious. Do you honestly think the OP doesn't know this?

OP, yanbu but it's one of those things. I also think that whilst it might be a 'one-off' in your circumstance there are ultimately many one-offs which can and do add up leaving the school out of pocket.

ScruffGin · 21/05/2019 12:26

bridgetreilly
That seems to be a disproportionate reaction from your son.

Really? From a 7 year old that was about the only one that didn't get cake? And the only one whose friends didn't chip in to buy him one?

Tbh i can think of plenty of older children/adults that would be upset by this!

DecomposingComposers · 21/05/2019 12:26

My son's a teacher - most days he has to sub one or more of his students, usually it's for lunch but other things to.

He also has to buy stationary - he buys boxes of pens every term for example because some students don't have their own.

He rarely gets this money back.

Every week I send him money for his food shopping and we've just paid £600 to repair his car because he can't afford to live on his wages.

So, while I feel bad for your son, I think you are BU to expect the teacher to pay for him out of their own pocket. They do that enough already.

dairymilkmonster · 21/05/2019 12:26

I have done this. Ds forgot about it fairly quickly! In the infants they made sure each child had a cake, regardless of money, but from yr3 they clearly are taking the 'that's life' approach to money.
Don't worry, your kids will mov eon from it.