Forgot to send money for cake sale

[DKmamma]

There was a cake sale at school yesterday and, naturally, I forgot all about it so my two weren't sent with any money. Whoops.

My son came home in tears because only he and one other child from his whole class didn't get a cake. There were others whose parents had forgotten, but whilst they were all lucky enough to have a cake bought for them by one of their friends my son was not one of "the chosen ones".

AIBU to think that school could have handled this better and that leaving just two children out for the sake of 20p per cake is downright cruel?!!

I would have paid 10 times the amount the next day to avoid his upset and disappointment. I always contribute to fundraising at school, both with money and time. I just find it so difficult spinning all these plates and remembering what's happening when and on this occasion I forgot his 20 bloody p.

@DKmamma please don't pay any attention to the "bad mother for forgetting bake sale" people. As a former colleague put it "There's only been one person who was perfect and they nailed him to a cross". I suspect DSIL is operating multiple MN accounts when I read these remarks.

Honestly, I know this isn't the end of the world and I dealt with it with my child by saying "sorry mate, don't worry about it". End of.

Just thought it was a bit mean and I'm feeling a bit fragile at the moment (which tends to be why people post) so wanted to vent about it in a friendly space. Some of you are nasty. Think before you post. People and feelings are fragile. @Big C - thank you! Parent of the bloody year, I'm sure!

It was probably run by yr5, they don't necessarily have the insight to think about whether a child will be upset. They just think 'we made these cakes, every cake is 20p'. In the yr5 world every cake must be paid for, if not by the child, by their friend, if not by their friend by a teacher etc. You could raise it with the school, or alternatively make sure they always have some small change in their bag and make a batch of brownies with them tonight. Are you sure that the issue wasn't more that people were willing to sub other children but not your ds and it is a feeling of rejection and being an outsider?

I got caught out with this a few times and now always make sure they have a pound or two in their school bag for these exact situations.
All school needed do was give you a quick call to check it was ok for them have a cake incase that was the reason they weren’t sent with 20p

Our school don't seem to be very good at advertising events like this, I've turned up several times to collect them at the end of the day to find there's a cake sale going on and I've got no money and found out it was only advertised on one A4 sized poster stuck to a door I have no reason to be using?! This week we've had the school website advertising last Friday as a mufti day when it is in fact this Friday, there was some confusion from the children about when it is and I only found out by asking around the parents. If the school don't even know whats happening and when I've got no bloody chance!!

I would use it to try and teach resilience. It's a shame he missed out on a cake but he hasn't been socially excluded. It is a sale not an activity so it doesn't matter that everyone else bought one. If you forget to bring money, you can't buy things.

I get why you are upset but I'm sorry I think you are reading too much into this. A cake sale...all the children in school are allowed to buy cakes? That's how many kids? I doubt very much any adults checked if children had forgotten money and were upset about it. The "chosen few" - you mean kids whose friends offered to lend them or give them money? Just tell your kids to ask a friend or a teacher if they can borrow the 20p if it ever happens again.

@AssangesCat - thank you xx

Oh this is the worst isn’t it? We’ve all been there! Our school has recently started allowing us to pay for this sort of thing on the normal online payment system. It will say something like “cake fundraising donation” and you can pay a £1 or whatever. So much easier and you even get reminders.

It's incredibly difficult for teachers. SIL recently provided a packed lunch she rustled up from a selection of what the teachers could donate when a child forgot their lunch for a school trip. The mother went berserk because her child was given which bread and ham which, apparently, WILL give him bowel cancer. DM is in recovery for bowel cancer so SIL was less than impressed and a letter has now gone out that children who forget lunches will be left to have a school dinner on walk days. What a shame for the children and the teachers.

Sorry, that wasn't relevant. The point I was trying to make is yes, it is a shame non of his friends parents bought him a bun but the teachers are at work and suffer constantly verbal abuse from angry entitled parents (not saying you are but they are out there), please don't blame them.

if you’re trying to raise money you can’t just give cakes away because that person is the only one without - they’ll be a dozen who have ‘forgotten ‘ their money the next time! And if you had been the one who’d baked them all you’d be pretty fed up if cakes you had made at a loss had them been given away!

I've given money to random kids before. I've also 'given' them cakes but then I put money in for them

All school needed do was give you a quick call to check it was ok for them have a cake incase that was the reason they weren’t sent with 20p

LOL

There is a LOT that the school needs to do, and none if to relates to sorting out a careless child. The expectations of schools are so out of whack with reality sometimes!

It's sad that your DS wasn't bought a cake by a friend, that's probably what is most upsetting him.

Get them a treat tonight instead, and chuck a quid in their bags as emergency money for future scenarios and don't give this any more headspace.

CAKELESS

not careless

@Blueskieslies thanks xxxx

I'm sorry your son was upset.

YABU to expect the class teacher to resolve it - like they haven't got a million other pressures to deal with without parental forgetfulness! Perhaps a child doesn't have money for cakes because of an allergy, food intolerance, family ethics/belief (not vegan/halal/kosher), pre-diabetes or trying to discourage sweets. The teacher can't go around second-guessing.

YABU to make a big deal about it. It happens. Every child misses out at some point, sometimes we parents screw up. "Downright cruel" is an overreaction to a minor hiccup in a day.

Pop a quid in the book bag for emergencies, chalk it up to experience and move on.

just think they could have given the 2 (that's TWO) kids a cake

Plus all the kids whose mums had no intention of sending money in the first place, plus all the other kids whose parents had forgotten, the kids who had dropped their money in the playground, spent it on sweets or swapped it for stickers.....

Unless OP really wants us to believe that her two little precious pickles were sobbing their hearts out in the school hall while every other child and all staff gorged on cake.

OP - let it go and put a reminder on your calendar for next time.

I understand the emotion of feeling upset for your child, but you don't seem to be grasping the point that it is not the teachers responsibility to provide your child with cake. As has been pointed out on this thread, the teachers already have enough to do without either funding and then trying to get money back from all the children who don't have money, the parents might not want children to have cake, there could be allergies involved. All of these examples are why it is your own responsibility to make sure your child has money.
Of course we all forget or make mistakes no one is perfect, but I wouldn't come on here for support, blaming someone else for something that ultimately is my own mistake.
After all the responses here you've accepted responsibility but your still aggrieved you children did not get cake, even after all the examples given as to why they weren't.

I think the best thing to do is allow your son his upset but then teach him how to be more resilient next time, so he's not disproportionately upset. Good life lesson.

(But I get that's upsetting to miss out on cake...)

Wasn't expecting the teacher to pay ....just to let him have a cake

Eh?

Entitlement/favouritism- teachers can't just LET your child have a cake if all the other children (parents) have managed to remember to bring in their lil 20ps?

What kind of message would that send to all the other kids. If a teacher did that I'm sure next time they have a cake sale they'd have even less bringing in their 20ps.

Sorry that you’re feeling a bit fragile atm, but I think that’s possibly why you’ve reacted in the way you have. It’s really painful to see your child upset. It’s really painful to know that your child wasn’t one of the ones that had a cake bought for them by their friends. It’s really painful to know that you could have averted your child’s distress if you hadn’t forgotten the money. But at the end of the day, it’s one of those things. Busy parents forget things all the time. Children suffer small disappointments and rejections. It does them no harm in the long run. Teachers can’t always step in to solve the problem as they have other issues to contend with (allergies, sugar bans, etc).

It’s ok. Your son probably won’t remember being upset about this in a week’s time.

You need to step up OP.

You need to be more organised. Everything goes on the calendar here. Then nothing is forgotten. There are so many things cake sales, dressing up days, sports days, assemblies etc.

It's not fair on your children to miss out but this is down to you not the teacher.

If I put money in my dc's bag it'd be gone at the canteen the first day

I forgot money for cake the other day. My son was given and IOU ticket and I was able to give him the money the next day.