Forgot to send money for cake sale

[DKmamma]

There was a cake sale at school yesterday and, naturally, I forgot all about it so my two weren't sent with any money. Whoops.

My son came home in tears because only he and one other child from his whole class didn't get a cake. There were others whose parents had forgotten, but whilst they were all lucky enough to have a cake bought for them by one of their friends my son was not one of "the chosen ones".

AIBU to think that school could have handled this better and that leaving just two children out for the sake of 20p per cake is downright cruel?!!

I would have paid 10 times the amount the next day to avoid his upset and disappointment. I always contribute to fundraising at school, both with money and time. I just find it so difficult spinning all these plates and remembering what's happening when and on this occasion I forgot his 20 bloody p.

So you apologise to your child and move on. It will be forgotten about in a couple of days. There's really no need for all of this drama. My son is always "aggreaved" over something or other that in the grand scheme of things is very minor. They soon get over it. Making a song and dance out of these things creates entitlement, and that's half the battle with today's society.

I did exaggerate with the tears thing tbh

So, in fact, he wasn't crying about it? Because it's not that big a deal, as he seems to have realised, unlike you.

Ignore the nasty comments, OP. So you made a mistake and your DS was a bit upset. It's ok, he will get over it and you're almost guaranteed not to make the same mistake again! It's hard juggling everything, at least all the Mum's I know admit to finding it hard, so ignore the comments about being a bad mum. You know they're ridiculous and untrue. In the gentlest way possible, YABU to blame the school for this, you're feeling guilty so you're projecting a bit. At DD's school bake sales tend to happen at breaktime when it's chaos in the playground and there's no way the staff supervising could keep track of who has had cake and who hasn't. Also, I work in a school and i've intervened and "sorted out" similar situations before, thinking I was doing the right thing and then had a very angry and defensive parent tear a strip off me afterwards because they don't want school thinking they're a "charity case". So school staff really can't win. The suggestion to keep some change in book bags is a good one, I'm going to do that myself I think.

"Wasn't expecting the teacher to pay ....just to let him have a cake confused"

Why would the child be allowed cake with no money?

Sounds like a fair few kids didn't have money - how much free cake should be given away? At what point does this not undermine the purpose of cake sale - particularly one the Y5s were organising?

What happens when little Bobby tells his Mum that DK's son, child A, Child B and Child C got free cake, and she goes "well, fuck it, I'm not sending any money next time" and then even fewer parents send in money?

Maybe you will remember next time, and more importantly your son will remember to ask for cake money too.

Has anyone said the OP is a bad mum?? I think posters were put out that she expected school to step in with the money and not that she was bad in any way.

Oh DKMamma, I am really sorry for your son and the other child who went cakeless. If the point of baking brownies was to raise fair trade awareness, then actually it would have been better just to give out the cake. What would happen in a school where many children came from families that did no have 20p spare?

Also, having read a quite a few threads on here about wedding and birthday cakes, I am absolutely sure your son is most definitely nowhere near the top of the league table of people with Disproportionate Cake Disappointment.

The emergency £1 is a good idea.

Am posting as someone with no children who is always totally shocked by (and lost in admiration for) the amount of organisation and admin parents have to do. You forgot this one thing. Why you and your son are supposed to take this as an Important Life Lesson is beyond me.

for you, your son and the other child.

NoSauce yes, they have.

Should this not read, I am a bad mum, I forgot to give my children any money to buy a cake.
Then I tried to blame the teachers

OP has also been told she needs to "step up" and to spend "less time online" and more time on her organisation and other such patronising bollocks, which she has handled a lot more graciously than I would have.

@nettie434 - lovely, thank you xx

Yanbu, that was incredibly petty behaviour from any adult who didn’t help him under the circumstances.

@MinisterforCheekyFuckery Thanks xxx

How would the teacher know that you hadn't se t money because you did not want them eating cakes? In which case you'd be cross at the teacher giving them cakes. They can't win.

You haven't said if this is a common occurrence or a real one off.

I’ll admit I’ve only read half the comments. Fwiw I don’t think the OP is a bad mum, we’ve all forgotten to send money etc in from time to time however I don’t think it’s fair to expect teachers to have to sort out our mistakes.

@lweji, first time

This will be unpopular.

Honestly just try and teach your kid a bit more resilience. It was an oversight, sorry son my fault, I totally forgot. Tell you what, let’s make cakes at the weekend. No I don’t think a teacher should have stepped in with some money.

Anyone who says they’ve never forgotten a school thing is lying and we’re all on mumsnet so pack it in telling OP to get off the internet!

If it was this one time, you are already thinking of how to prevent it in future, just let it go.

The point is that you shouldn't expect school or teachers to sort it out for you if it's just cake. Bake them their own cake or take them out to a bakery as a treat.
It's not as if they missed lunch.

Thing is if it was more than one child without money, the teacher wouldn't have known your son would be the only one left out.

As a teacher I always give money to the children that don't have any (usually by raiding my car for spare change), but if it's 5/6/7+ children it ends up expensive.

Basically you feel shit for forgetting and so are trying to pass some of the blame onto the teachers to make yourself feel better. It's not their fault.

I love the idea of leaving a spare £1 in DC's book bag though and will be stealing this idea!

At our school, there's quite a few parents who don't allow their children cake. Pretty much ever, and if they do, it has to be vegan and organic. They would be fuming if their kid was given a cake without their consent.

Update: I've had a chat with school who've said they never knowingly exclude a child who has forgotten their money and had the kids made their teacher aware they could have had a cake. Obviously this was not communicated to the kids, but I find this intention very reassuring and the right approach for a friendly village school.

Fuck me, look at all these perfect mummies saying you've 'dropped the ball' or need to get better organised 😂

Just a normal, understandable mistake. Schools always want so much, keeping up with everything going on is hard! Like pp have said emergency fund in bag and anyway, a few lessons in 'missing out' can actually do some good to teach. Though not an ideal situation, Don't apologise to your child, or feel guilty, it only beefs up the perception that this was a 'terrible event' when it was just one of those things. Xx

If only you knew how often teachers have to put their hand in their pocket to buy resources! Who says they had brought enough money to provide for the kids with disorganised parents. This is your fault, not the teachers. Be a grown up and take responsibility. You disappointed your kids, not the teachers.

I did this once. 6yo dtds we're disappointed so I drove straight to Lidl and told them to pick a cake each... issue resolved. Dc do need to learn resilience but it is hard to see them upset your ds will be okay.

In fairness to the teachers, some mothers are sugar fascists and wouldn’t have allowed their child to have a cake. So the teacher couldn’t have known whether or not you’d forgotten or whether you didn’t want him to have a cake. Sorry your son was upset, though....these things are disproportionately upsetting when you’re little.

Every parent has been there at some time, in some way

Huge game changer for me was putting a calendar right by the door just for school/playdates/kids parties, the bags get emptied when they come in the door and anything that has a date is added to the calendar while they go and get changed, and I usually use this time to fill in reply slips etc and also check anything that is coming up in the next few days. Then while they are putting coats and shoes on in the morning I check the calendar to make sure I've not forgotten anything for that day

Honestly takes hardly any time, I've not missed anything since doing this, and it's a lot less to be thinking about and trying to keep track of, once it's on the calendar it doesn't need to be taking up space in my head.

this was not communicated to the kids so despite it being sorted for future you are still finding a way to blame the teachers? How are the teachers going to sort it if it's not communicated to them that there is an issue at the time?