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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you take the train up to your dd at university to give her cash?

117 replies

EleanorReally · 21/05/2019 08:34

She seems to have no working bank card,
the app on her phone has only just installed and therefore doesnt work
of course by the time i can get there , this weekend, she may well be ok
should I suggest dh go?

OP posts:
femfemlicious · 21/05/2019 09:56

Send her a money gram through the post office. Don't go all the way there

Passthecherrycoke · 21/05/2019 09:56

That’s the other thing it’s lovely to have your mum and dad come and visit when you’re at uni too. I would totally go

BlueSkiesLies · 21/05/2019 10:09

Although I said I wouldn't go up... My mum would have come up with some money. Well, actually mum might bot have but Dad would have 100%.

Dad woudl have come up, taken me out for dinner and slipped me some cash. Mum would have complained not to spoil me, then given him some home cooked freezer meals to give me :-)

Original poster
EleanorReally · 21/05/2019 10:14

Dh is considering going
nice to see her anyway Smile

OP posts:
Fishywife · 21/05/2019 10:15

Nope! But I might have changed my mind by the time my son is that age.

I did once have my card and emergency cash stolen when travelling when I was that age though. I emailed my mum from an internet cafe to phone the bank for me (couldn't afford the international call) and cancel the card, and transferred some money online into the bank account of a fellow Brit I had just met, who luckily withdrew it from a cash point and gave it to me, rather than making off with it!!

DreamsOfDownUnder · 21/05/2019 10:17

@Justbreathing very few banks give a new bank card within 30 minutes. Halifax certainly don't.

Sparklingbrook · 21/05/2019 10:22

Don't forget on MN once they go off to Uni you have to basically ignore your DC whatever it is they want. Wink

Also assuming they are broke all the time. It isn't always the case.

Sparklingbrook · 21/05/2019 10:23

The large Barclays branch here can produce a new bank card for you in half an hour. I was really impressed.

viques · 21/05/2019 10:24

She has been at university for three years and not made any friends who can lend her £10?

riverislands · 21/05/2019 10:27

She wanted coffee??

fishonabicycle · 21/05/2019 10:28

Let her work it out. She'll be fine. If she has to go without coffee for a day it won't kill her.

outsho · 21/05/2019 10:33

Tell her to draw it out at the bank and also request a new bank card while she’s there. She can ask why her app isn’t working too, kills all birds with one stone so this doesn’t happen again.

llangennith · 21/05/2019 10:33

I'd go. Not so much to give her money (which I'd happily give) but to find out what's really going on ie is she in debt, unhappy etc.

Jaxhog · 21/05/2019 10:45

the banks had closed and she wanted coffee.
You're considering taking an expensive 2 hour journey train for ...coffee? How old is she - 4? Wow!

Suggest she borrows some instant coffee and makes her own, and goes to the bank tomorrow when it opens!

blubblubblub · 21/05/2019 10:46

Tell her you'll order her groceries online and have them delivered. She's taking the p.ss.

montenuit · 21/05/2019 10:52

hilarious.
last week of term.
out of money, completely overdrawn. ATM says NO.

"mum, my bank card's not working can you give me some cash?"
"go inside the bank?"
"the banks are closed"

nice try.

montenuit · 21/05/2019 10:53

she can't borrow £10 from a friend BECAUSE SHE CAN'T PAY IT BACK.

only the bank of mum & dad will do in this situation.

viques · 21/05/2019 11:07

No need to shout montemuit

LizzieSiddal · 21/05/2019 11:33

Also all her friends have probably overspent too, so can't lend her £10.

You sound a lovely mum OP, hope she gets her money.

AssangesCat · 21/05/2019 11:34

When I was 21 I had my bank card stolen and had to ring my parents. I was in Siberia at the time, with only a small amount of cash and the nearest embassy was several days' travel away. My passport and visa were also stolen.

Then my friend's bank card stopped working. This was 20 years ago, IIRC there was one cash machine in the town and it wasn't working.

My friend and I considered the options for paying for a place to sleep, including turning tricks or just going to a bar and hoping to get picked up. After a spell on a park bench we figured out we could sell our train tickets back to Moscow and buy cheaper tickets for a series of shorter journeys. There was a whole thing where the police wanted us to stay and help with their enquiries so we dodged them to get out of town well but I digress.

I rang my parents from a post office at Lake Baikal to tell them to cancel the card. We were meant to be meeting someone at Baikal to go trekking but we missed them, just as well as they got lost in the forest later or something. We had the time of our lives if I'm honest.

I think it was the making of us both. So no, don't travel to give her money, let her figure it out.

BlueThesaurusRex · 21/05/2019 11:38

It does sound like she’s having you on a bit, but...
You’re a flipping lovely mum Flowers

AdoraBell · 21/05/2019 11:48

I would go if the train journey wouldn’t cost a fortune, have a chat with her, maybe have a coffee/lunch with her, and get her to work out how she’ll cope over the rest of the term. If she genuinely needs money for food then I would give her some.

Is she usually good at budgeting?

Hotterthanahotthing · 21/05/2019 11:52

Its the last week,she won't die of starvation before Friday.After feeding her go through her bank accounts with her.
If she were a bit more adult she would go to the bank and talk to them.Slso you can get your app to earn you when your account goes under a certain amount.
Also her money won't stretch of she's out buying coffees.
So give her advice and sit it out until she comes home.

llangennith · 21/05/2019 12:00

It's not the last week of term!

LadyRannaldini · 21/05/2019 12:07

she rung me yesterday as the banks had closed and she wanted coffee
Diddums.
Buy her a kettle and a safety course on how to use it!

I'm not sure who I think is worse, you're daughter for actually phoning you because she wanted coffee or you for even considering taking her money!

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