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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you take the train up to your dd at university to give her cash?

117 replies

EleanorReally · 21/05/2019 08:34

She seems to have no working bank card,
the app on her phone has only just installed and therefore doesnt work
of course by the time i can get there , this weekend, she may well be ok
should I suggest dh go?

OP posts:
Original poster
EleanorReally · 21/05/2019 09:11

apple pay?
good idea

OP posts:
MolyHolyGuacamole · 21/05/2019 09:11

Agree with the poster who said transfer money to a friend. I've been in the situation before with a stolen ban card, it's very difficult with no hard cash

RottnestFerry · 21/05/2019 09:12

It's a very short term.

Original poster
EleanorReally · 21/05/2019 09:13

i will also suggest western union

OP posts:
Boulezvous · 21/05/2019 09:18

I second the issue of being a parent of late teens. They do silly things and seem pretty clueless sometimes. That's life as they learn to be independent. I can imagine my Dd saying the same thing about getting a coffee!

I agree OP that your DD is probably overdrawn and not telling you the whole truth. She could easily go to the bank during the day - university's are full of bank machines. Plenty of people have suggested means to help her - I didn't know about the emergency code thing - that sounds perfect.

If it's not completely inconvenient I'd go up to see her soon to talk to her about her money situation and get her to tell you honestly what the situation is. I admit I was a bit lousy with money at university and needed a bail out from my Mum one month. But I did need to learn a lesson about budgeting.

UCOinanOCG · 21/05/2019 09:25

This thread has actually made me smile. She is student in her last week of uni. I have one of those. She will be busy partying, going out for breakfast/lunch/drinks and will now be stony broke. Good try by her though!

I too think you should transfer a small amount to one of her friends so she can last out the week. Ask her what she has left in her food supplies. I am sure she can manage for a week on pasta and cheese (as my DD did before she came home at Christmas!).

I can recall being a student and in the last week of term having to go int the bank and take out the last £4 in my account because i couldn't get that amount at the ATM. I spent it in the pub and not on food! Those were the days!

petrocellihouse · 21/05/2019 09:28

When one of my daughters was at Uni, I used to do an online grocery shop for her, rather than give cash direct. That way I knew she was getting at least some good food and my money wasn't all being spent on fripperies! I would also recommend sitting her down when you next see her and going through how to budget properly. There are plenty of apps available which will help.

Justbreathing · 21/05/2019 09:33

She’s lying I’m afraid.
There are many ways you can access your bank account
You can get a new card within half an hour in a branch
You can do many many things!

Comefromaway · 21/05/2019 09:34

No. in an emergency I'd send her a code she can put into the cashpoint or I'd expect her to go into a branch and sort it.

Passthecherrycoke · 21/05/2019 09:34

What’s the point if there is no money in it though justbreathing?

Aquamarine1029 · 21/05/2019 09:36

She's almost 23 and is this irresponsible? Christ on a bike. She is taking you for a mug.

Justbreathing · 21/05/2019 09:37

@Passthecherrycoke
I understand that. But op could just transfer some funds.
But she can’t because there is obviously a different reson to all of this.

I agree it’s probably over over the over draft.

Passthecherrycoke · 21/05/2019 09:39

Yes that’s what I mean, it’s the overdraft. I don’t think that’s lying, I’d take that as assumed myself and wouldn’t think to specifically say so

NurseButtercup · 21/05/2019 09:43

YABU to plan a 2hr journey to give your daughter some cash. There are too many other alternatives. YANBU to help your DD.

You can organise an online food shopping delivery from any of the supermarket's or use deliveroo, uber-eats, just-eat.co.uk for meals to be delivered.

She won't be able to buy alcohol but she definitely won't starve.

Omzlas · 21/05/2019 09:46

So a 4 hour round trip then.... not a chance at 22. Banks are open, she can take ID and draw over the counter. As well as the dozen other ideas given upthread!

Divgirl2 · 21/05/2019 09:46

Been there, done that. She's over her overdraft so any money you send her electronically she won't be able to access.

Get her a Tesco shop and include a bottle of wine. It'll arrive tomorrow and she'll be fine.

Flamingnora123 · 21/05/2019 09:47

She's having you on. She's spent all her money and wants you to top her up. Saying she's got no bank card is just to make out she hasn't spent all her cash on having fun intead of food.

Oliversmumsarmy · 21/05/2019 09:48

So how much would the train journey cost?

Original poster
EleanorReally · 21/05/2019 09:50

I could suggest a tesco shop, see what she says to that Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
EleanorReally · 21/05/2019 09:50

she is a year away from being 23

OP posts:
Original poster
EleanorReally · 21/05/2019 09:50

the train journey isnt too bad £12

OP posts:
Sandra2321 · 21/05/2019 09:51

This reply has been deleted

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kateandme · 21/05/2019 09:52

mum often did this for ds

Hoppinggreen · 21/05/2019 09:52

My dd is only 14 so I’m not at this stage yet but when I was at Uni I can imagine making up something like this because I just wanted my Mum and unfortunately we don’t have the kind of relationship where I could just say it
You know your child OP, if she is being a brat fine but if you think she genuinely needs you and you can go then do
I’ve told my dc that if they ever REALLY need me or are in any trouble then I will be there as soon as I can ( might regret that one when they are older)

Hoppinggreen · 21/05/2019 09:53

sandra could DR ZUMA lend OPs daughter a tenner?