AIBU to think ‘don’t worry, you go’ is the sensible answer to this?

[LoopyLou1981]

Having a crappy time of it at the moment. Self esteem on the floor. Mental health taking a bit of a beating.
Middle DB is having a significant birthday and has arranged an area in a local (to him) pub for a bit of a celebration next weekend and I’ve psyched myself up for it).
PIL agreed to overnight childcare so we could both go out and not have to worry about early mornings.
They agreed this months ago. Since then DMIL has needed (routine) surgery and is now recovering. I mentioned to DH that this is likely to impact on childcare offer. ‘Absolutely not, they’d never let us down, don’t worry about it’ etc
Now, a week before, it’s looking unlikely. Best option is they’ll come to ours to watch the kids for a few hours which will probably give us 2 hours at the party.
I want to make it clear that this is in no way DPIL’s issue. They do an amazing amount for us and are lovely people.
But AIBU to think that DH’s response should be ‘you go, it’s your family’? (Actual response was slightly aggressive and the complete opposite of this!)

OP, have you tried Beta Blockers for your anxiety?

If not I would thoroughly recommend them. They saved my life a few years ago.

I wonder if you’ll both end up going but because you can’t drink until early hours he will send you home to take over from grandparents whilst he stays on to enjoy. Win win for him.

You're planning on medicating yourself in order to mask the symptoms brought about by managing your baby of a husband's temper tantrums?

you know what i hate more than anything?
when someone in an abusive relationship says oh im staying for the kids so they can be happy....
guess what when you are in an abusive relationship all you are doing is exposing them to abuse and teaching them to accept abuse when they get older.. thats all you are doing!!!
when they get old enough to recognize dad gets angry and yells if we make a noise etc, so we know to be quiet... thats the very moment you have done damage to them....you! not him! YOU! because you decided to stay and make them happy... so dont think it is all on him in 20 years when they need help because they are following along the path you led them, its on you too, because YOU didnt protect them when you had the chance... that day will come

I’m off to the drs later to see if they can prescribe something to sort my anxiety and low mood out.

The root of your low mood is probably your dh. Pls consider the impact he has on your self esteem and confidence.

If you want to stay, you need to start standing up for yourself. You can't be a doormat otherwise your anxiety will get even worse. If he won't tolerate you pushing back and demanding equal rights, then the relationship is not salvageable, and you should NOT stay for the DC, because they're going to grow up either being doormats, or being aggressive like your DH. Neither of which are good for them long term.

I suspect your MH would improve significantly if you left this twat......

MLMhun do you think a normal, adult response to being upset at missing a night out is to say ‘you go but I’ll be fucking angry and go out for the rest of the weekend’ or ‘this is the kids fault, we could do what the fuck we liked before them’

Bloody hell. I think a consensus of LTB is about right in this case.

Telling the OP her DH is a c* and to pack his bags straight away is not helpful.

This lady has given up fighting. Any ounce of strength has been sucked out of her. What she needs is support.

OP, perhaps get a double appt asap with a GP you know and ask for help beyond medication. You need emotional support.

Your DC's are absorbing everything that's going on at home even though you think everything is fine and dandy with them, so surround yourself with friends and family, and hopefully you will gain the strength you need to address these issues head on. The meds might be a crutch - and they do have their place - but they could also be dulling your ability to fight.

Sorry it's not answering your original question but that is just small part of a far bigger issue. Good luck.